Written by Brett Taylor

Thursday, 7 February 2013

image for Mr. Ed, Secretariat Eaten at Burger King
Mr. Ed

The UK branch of the fast food chain Burger King was still reeling from the publicity surrounding the fact that horsemeat had found its way into some of their burgers when another blow was dealt to their image. It seems that at least two or three beloved and famous horses somehow found their way into the company's signature flamebroiled beef patties.

It seems television's popular sixties star Mr. Ed was partially consumed, as was all of Secretariat, the famed American Triple Crown winner of 1973. The remains of Secretariat have been held at Kentucky's Churchill Downs, where they were stuffed, mounted, and surprisingly well preserved. Fortunately only one of Mr. Ed's legs was eaten. Mr. Ed is on live support in a California hospital reserved for rich animal stars. In a statement today Mr. Ed was distraught and sorrowful over his predicament, which will require him to spend the rest of his days with a prosthetic leg. "Golly, Wilbur," he remarked. "Who would ever do such a thing? All I remember is someone sneaking up on me with a machete. I thought it was one more crazy autograph seeker. Those poor English bastards, they must be starving to death. Why else would they eat a poor old horse like Mr. Ed? They're almost as hungry as those Chinese kids."

Many customers were surprisingly blasé about the news. "At least it's still meat," remarked one London customer. "You can't say that about McDonald's, can you?"

Apparently a few horse riders have been eaten as well. Pippa Funnell and Mary King are confirmed as having been consumed. We caught up with the man who ate Miss King, and he admitted to being surprised when we told him he'd just devoured the foot of one of England's most beloved sportswomen. "I 'ave, have I?" he remarked, a little befuddled. "I have to admit the idea of unknowingly eating a human foot is a bit disturbing. But I must say I am proud to have consumed such a woman of such accomplishments. Her foot was a little on the tough side, but that's understandable. I have to say I wouldn't mind to try one more 'orse jockey again."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Burger King, Mr Ed

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