Footballer fined for speeding

Funny story written by Joe Leff

Saturday, 17 November 2012

A former Scotland goalkeeper has been fined £1,000 by the Scottish Football Association after admitting speeding during last week's game at Arbroath.

Dougal Grayound, who plays for Hamilton Athletic, was spotted by a speed camera sprinting past the half-way line at over 90 mph. The speed limit on the pitch at Arbroath is 30 mph.

Grayound, 33, was heading towards an open goal and was over-taking several of his own forwards when he was flagged down by a linesman. When stopped, he told the referee that he had accelerated to get round two bulky defenders and pass the ball.

His solicitor said Grayound, who already had three yellow cards, fully accepted he had done wrong and wanted to convey to the SFA that he took speeding very seriously. But it was in the closing minute, and he didn't want to do extra-time.

The SFA endorsed Grayound's contract with three penalty shoot-outs and a diving ban.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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