Brink's-Mat bullion heist burial garden top contender for Chelsea gold

Funny story written by queen mudder

Monday, 14 May 2012

image for Brink's-Mat bullion heist burial garden top contender for Chelsea gold
Flying Squad planting scheme mirrors the top suspect location

London - One of Chelsea Flower Show's town garden entries has been planted to mirror a London back yard suspected of concealing the missing ingots.

Officers from the Flying Squad's horticultural division have toiled for weeks creating the replica in a composting arrangement with Wormwood Scrubs grasses.

The undercover operation is using a 'respectable' charity - thought to be 'Hell The Aged' or 'The Princess Truss' - to front the canny Chelsea entry team.

"It's bound to panic the robbery suspects," a QM-NewsCorpse stringer revealed this morning amid reports cops are ratcheting up the pressure on bent public figures involved in the original scam.

Around two and a half tonnes of Brink's-Mat bullion remains missing since the 1983 Heathrow Airport heist.

Last week a new book about the robbery named 20 gangland executions linked to the vanished gold, reckoned by many to have been masterminded by Mrs Thatcher.

Included in that tally is ex-copper Daniel Morgan, found in a South London boozer car park with an axe buried in the back of his head.

Earlier this year at the Leveson Inquiry a number of witnesses claimed bent private investigators used by NewsCorpse mobile hacking journos were somehow connected to the hapless Mr Morgan's demise.

Today's sneak preview of the Daily Fascist's Wapping Rooftop Garden Chelsea entry reveals an innovative pick-axe and swastika planting design.

The accompanying ubiquitous water feature uses sulphuric acid for rapid recycling of pesky bones and other damning bits.

A few tickets remain for Tuesday's show opener price five hundred quid or a decent Flying Squad tip-off.

Ronnie Biggs is 104.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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