Written by queen mudder

Monday, 3 May 2010

image for 'Body under the patio' garden all the rage at this year's Chelsea Flower Show
One of the Kray Brothers' Garden of Dismemberment design features

London - (Flower Power): This year's design classic will feature input from whorticulture specialists at HMP Belmarsh and Wormwood Scrubs.

The innovative concept targets Chelsea's post-urban cityscape movement with a Serious and Disorganised Crime Agency favorite.

Designed by Ronnie and Reggie Kray former landscaper Dave 'GBH' Shovel the twenty by twenty decked terrace is modelled on the recent Alderville Road, Fulham patio find.

Chelsea Show rules banning animals and general wildlife mean the actual cadaver is a crude plastic copy.

However all the other creative features appear to be genuine including use of fast-setting ready mix concrete and authentic repro York paving stones.

Plant material sees the re-emergence of poison ivy and the Death Cap fungus as gardening favorites in the carefully-executed design scheme.

And the ubiquitous Chelsea 'water feature' is modelled on the classic dodgy drain made popular in 1980s London by cadaver specialist Dennis Nilsen.

The Show will be opened by the Queen on May 24th.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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