Written by Paul Wilde

Tuesday, 4 April 2006

image for Darren Day in revolving door incident.

The musical actor and former ‘You Bet' presenter
Darren Day was in a critical condition last night
after spending 8 hours in a high speed continuous
circuit of the revolving door entrance to the Hilton
hotel in London.

Mr Day's predicament began when a group of
schoolchildren saw the entertainer, once dubbed the
new Cliff Richard, and began shouting rhyming couplets
casting doubt on his sexuality. In what is believed to
have been an attempt to escape his persecutors, Mr
Day, 49, was seen flinging himself into the 1920s
glass and mahogany timbered revolving door entrance to
the Hilton Hotel, with his legs running at a faster
speed than the rest of his body, in the manner of a
Warner Bros. cartoon.

The popular comedian and charity fundraiser Bobby Ball
was in the hotel lobby at the time: "It was a pitiful
sight to see. These tearaways and hooligans were
hounding that poor lad. Every time it looked like he
was going to get his footing, they just pushed the
door back round. I nearly choked on my Chateau neuf du
pape but I've been in this business for 50 years and,
I tell you what, I finished off that bottle like a
professional. I know it's what Darren would have
wanted as his contorted, twisted face begged for mercy
behind the glass on his own private, hellish,

The situation is believed to have been made worse by
hotel guests who joined in by pushing the door from
the other side. Experts estimate that Mr Day reached
up to 98 miles per hour at one point, a new human
landspeed record. The Guiness Book of Records has so
far refused to recognise the feat, however, in case it
encourages other youngsters to attempt the stunt of
their own volition.

Mr Day's ordeal only came to an end when the central
pivot for the door snapped, causing the door to break
loose from its holdings and spin into the hotel like a
demonic windmill, narrowly missing actress Sue Hodges,
‘Mimi' from the popular BBC comedy show ‘Allo ‘Allo.
"I saw him bounce off several guests", said Bobby
Ball. "It was like the lobby had been turned in to a
sort of giant pinball machine. Luckily, he was thrown
free into a large pile of umbrellas."

Day is hopefully expected to be released from the
groinal injuries ward of the London Hammersmith
Hospital within a few days, although his condition is
said to be serious.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Musical

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