David Walliams Run Down by Boat Race

Funny story written by Roy Turse

Saturday, 7 April 2012

image for David Walliams Run Down by Boat Race
"Bloody boats in the way"

Taking part in a re-creation of his amazing Thames swim, comedian David Walliams was today run down by the Oxford crew taking part in the Xchanging Boat Race. David's swim was completely disrupted, but he was unhurt and rescued from the water by a police launch. The Boat Race was stopped, and was only restarted once officials knew that David was OK.

There will be many questions asked about how it happened that the Boat Race was allowed to take place when such an important swimmer was in the water. First impressions are that the Oxford and Cambridge boats were ahead of schedule, and that David may have been taking longer than usual to swim the river.

However, David's view was somewhat different. He claimed that the Boat Race was ahead of him and was going too slow. "I caught up with them and tried to overtake without causing any trouble. One of the Oxford oars hit me on the head, and the race was halted. I hope I didn't damage the oar with my hard head."

When the boat race restarted, Walliams' concerns turned out to be well founded. The damaged oar broke and Cambridge took an easy lead. The end result was a win for Cambridge in one of the most controversial races ever.

David was back in the water within a few minutes of the end of the race. His last comment was "I hope Oxford finish before I get there."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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