Written by Simon Saunders

Tuesday, 28 February 2012

image for Little Divot Police In Massive Drugs Haul
A cannabis cigarette, whatever that is.

The sleepy village of Little Divot was left shaken to the core yesterday after a record haul of cannabis was discovered.

Police launched a dawn raid on a property in Marrakech Avenue at 5am yesterday morning following a tip off from a neighbour.

Once inside the property, police found a staggering half an ounce of weed and three cannabis cigarettes carefully hidden inside a box marked 'Alan's Weed Stash'.

Police reckon the drugs have a street value of around £40. No one was in the house at the time.

Local busybody and retired racist, Wally Spankerton, 68, who lives next door to the drugs factory, told us. "I noticed a funny smell coming from my neighbours back garden on Monday evening. At first I thought the drains had gone again but after having a closer sniff I realised it was wacky baccy."

Mr. Spankerton harped on, "As the local busybody, I felt it was my responsibility to spoil my neighbours fun by calling the local filth. Don't get me wrong, I dislike the rozzers as much as the next man. After all, I had plenty of run-in's with them when I was a practising racist. As far as I'm concerned, why should my neighbours be allowed to enjoy themselves when I live such a miserable life?"

Another Little Divot resident, who wished to remain anonymous, had this to say, "Moral standards in our beautiful village have plummetted recently. It's only a couple of months ago that a woman, who appeared ever so slightly drunk, was seen leaving the local public house. It's disgusting and most probably just the tip of the iceberg. Before we know it the Mafia will be running this village. It's only a matter of time if we don't do something to stop it."

Inspector Jeremy Stoner, who led the police raid, was unavailable for comment today as he is suffering from an unexplained case of the munchies.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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