London - The Queen and Prince Philip will have a commanding view from their gilt Poop Deck thrones Jubilee organisers said today.
Most of the floaters will be provided from royal estates septic tanks which have been groaning under excess Yuletide capacity for several weeks.
Some exotic 'blue ice' from an RAF flypast will add sparkle to the mile long pageant along with a promised contribution from the International Space Station composting lavs.
The Thames procession will be headed by a newly kitted out barge called the Spirit of Fartwell in a genius masterstroke conceived by the 7th Marquess of Salisbury.
"We see this as a fitting Diamond Jubilee tribute," Thames super sewer sauces commented today.
Plans to resurrect the stricken Costa Concordia to bring up the procession rear also include a cameo role for the cruise liner's beleaguered skipper Captain Schettino.
Additional sponsorship for the June 3rd fiesta is still up for grabs.
