Transport Minister attacks pedestrians

Funny story written by Mudwizard

Thursday, 24 November 2011

Newly appointed Transport Minister, Justine Greening, has some radical new plans for Transport in the future.

"It is unfair that certain sections of the community think it is acceptable to travel around this country for free, without insurance or road tax", she exclaimed at a conference in Brighton today.

"Why shouldn't pedestrians have to pay road tax and insurance like everyone else? Have you seen the state of the pavements in many of our cities? Well, who do you think caused that? In a fair 'Big Society' like ours we all have to take responsibility for the cost of the transport infrastructure of this country. It is time that pedestrians paid there way and stopped freeloading of honest taxpayers; after all we are all in this together".

The coalition think-tank for transport, code named 'Bright Centurion', made the following recommendations to Greening:-

• An annual road/pavement tax will be based on a sliding scale dependent upon the pedestrian's weight and shoe type preference. The average adult pedestrian is expected to pay in the region of £399.99 a year.

• Pedestrians will be issued with a sandwich board fitted front and back with a number plate, so they can tracked when they cause accidents. There will, of course, be space on the boards for advertising of the governments choosing in order to keep the costs down for the pedestrian.

• Pedestrians will have to have liability insurance cover of three million pounds before they can legally take to the streets. Government statistics have shown that pedestrian accidents cause millions of pounds worth of damage to expensive vehicles every year.

David Cameron endorsed Bright Centurion's findings this evening," Many pedestrians have little or no respect for the Highway Code. They see it as a right to wander the streets for free, some of them even carrying heavy shopping bags; or push child's' buggies.

"We will force pedestrians to be insured so that they can pay if they cause the injury and death of others through their poor walking skills. We will catch them on camera and issue heavy fines if they are not licensed.

"For too long now we have had cars, buses and even lorries damaged by pedestrians hurtling uninsured and untaxed along pavements and across roads."

A spokesman for 'The Royal Society for the Protection of Volvos' said, "My wife was inconvenienced by being run into by an elderly pedestrian who used his body as a battering ram against he car; worst still he decided to die to escape justice. We had to buy a new windscreen; do you know how expensive Volvo parts are?

"Who will enforce the law against pedestrians on the pavement if they are not taxed and registered? Old spongers like him must not continue to get away with this sort of outrageous behavior. It is impossible to make a claim without knowing who the driver is, and their address. This legislation is long overdue".

A spokesman for The Ramblers Association said," This proposal is a walking disaster".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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