"Strong case" for assisted dying

Funny story written by MonkeyInTheBath

Thursday, 5 January 2012

image for "Strong case" for assisted dying
Mr Kilmy at home today

There is a "strong case" for allowing assisted suicide for people who are terminally ill in England and Wales, a group of experts says.

With the economy looking fragile, it can be expensive to keep an elderly loved one alive, particularly if they require specialist treatment. Also, thanks to the youth "emo" culture, suicide has become fashionable again.

Assisted dying is this year's black.

A panel of experts spent two years analysing assisted suicide and its possible effects. One of the experts, Herbert Kilmy even went as far as to experience assisted suicide itself, to "help him gain an insight into the procedure". Unfortunately he was then unable to contribute further to the discussion.

Fellow panel members were initially accused of pressuring Mr Kilmy into it as he was quite an annoying person to work with, but nothing has ever been proved.

Religious cults and the depressed disabled are said to be ecstatic at the news that they may soon be able to dispose of themselves easily.

Terry Pratchett, the "comedy" writer whose books are about as funny as assisted suicide, has long wanted to undergo assisted suicide, mainly due to embarrassment over how terrible his books are. He has already said he wants to be murdered live on television, or failing that, in his final book which is due out next year.

The report on assisted suicide published today will not be presented to parliament. It is just a publicity stunt for pro-death groups.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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