Travellers in Basildon still there

Funny story written by IainB

Monday, 26 September 2011

image for Travellers in Basildon still there
An aerial photo of Traveller's Rest in Basildon

A week after the bailiffs arrived to evict a group of travellers from Basildon, the travellers are still there.

"We're not going anywhere," said George Atasda, from the other side of a big wall. "We like it here."

Currently, the law is against the travellers, but that could change.

"If we can hold out for twenty-six years, we get land rights," said Atasda. "We'll easy do that. Especially as we're currently building a retail park and a thirty-storey office building."

Bailiffs are struggling to evict the travellers due to one or two hitches.

"They've built a wall," said Edward Viction. "We can't get through it to get them off the land. On top of that, they've built houses with doors that they've locked and stuff."

Unusually, the wall built by the travellers is solid and well built, meaning that the bailiffs will need heavy equipment to knock it down.

"If we can get through the wall," said Viction, "we should be able to get around really easily. They've tarmacked all the roads really nicely."

Currently the bailiffs have no idea what to expect once they get through the nine-foot high wall.

"Ordinarily," said Viction, "we'd look at the planning applications, but to add insult to injury, they've not applied for planning permission. We'll have to take what we find as we find it."

The bailiffs are currently having no luck locating people to drive the bulldozers.

"All the local companies are telling us that they've not got anybody qualified to drive the bulldozers. Apparently, they're all holed up in some walled community somewhere."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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