Ancelloti Denies Losing Control

Funny story written by grimbo

Wednesday, 2 March 2011

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Beleaguered Chelsea boss Carlo Ancelloti has vehemently denied that there are disciplinary problems at Stamford Bridge or that his players are out of control.

The claims surfaced after left back Ashley Cole was the subject of a police enquiry after a student was shot with an air pistol at Chelsea's training ground at Cobham.

"The shooting was very unfortunate but it was a complete accident. Ashley has apologised to the injured party and has promised not to bring a weapon with him to work again, " a furious Ancelotti told a press conference this morning.

When asked about a number of other alleged incidents that may have involved some of his higher profile players, the Chelsea boss was unwavering :

"I can firmly deny that Petr Cech's fractured skill healed months ago and that he continues to wear a skull cap because he has anger management issues that cause him to head butt the odd door now and again.

There is also absolutely no truth in the rumour that Didier Drogba contracting malaria was a cover up for him missing some games in October/November . We have no reason to believe that Didier or Salomon (Kalou) disappeared late last year in order to orchestrate a military coup in the Ivory Coast.

And as for Yury Zhirkov being accused of being the mastermind of the Russian underworld in London, that is complete rubbish.

Fernando Torres being a cat burglar? - nonsense.

Nicolas Anelka a look out for a gang of bank robbers? - the same.

John Terry an adulterer? - I'll get back to you on that one...."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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