Written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 11 February 2011

image for The Denver Nuggets Trade Carmelo Anthony To The Harlem Globetrotters
Carmelo Anthony's Denver, Colorado home, 'Casa Slam Dunk.' (Photo courtesy of Manu Ginobili).

DENVER - Disgruntled Denver Nuggets super star Carmelo Anthony has been insisting for weeks now that the Nuggets organization trade him to the New York Knicks.

The 6 foot 8 inch Anthony, who signed a 5 year, $80 million contract in 2006 ($16 million a year) says that he is tired of the freezing weather, the damn snow, the friggin icicles, and those freakin Coors Beer billboards splattered all over the place.

"Melo" as his wife LaLa calls him, said that he wants to head back east to his hometown of Brooklyn where the nearest Coors Beer billboard is located in Passaic, New Jersey.

Well Denver owner E. Stanley Kroenke has granted Mr. Anthony's request and he has traded him to a New York team, but not the Knicks as he wanted, but instead to the Harlem Globetrotters, the exhibition basketball team known as "The Comedic Clowns of The Court."

Reports are that Carmelo Anthony is so angry that he has threatened to leave the United States and move up to Alaska.

When told that Alaska is part of the United States Carmelo shook his head and angrily said that he is tired of people messing with him and that he knows for a fact that Alaska is a country because he watched Sarah Palin's Frozen Alaska reality show and he said that the moose huntin' broad mentioned Alaska being a country at least three or eight times.

Nuggets owner E. (which stands for Electric) Stanley Kroenke told a reporter for Sports Territory Magazine that Mr. Anthony should be grateful that he traded him to a team that has an amazing 84 year lifetime record of 21,266 victories against only 644 defeats.

Kroenke took a sip from his bottle of Coors Light, grinned, and said that he could have traded Carmelo to the Cleveland Cavaliers who have lost 26 games in a row and are currently 8-45 for the year.

E. "Electric" Stanley Kroenke also owns the major league soccer team The Colorado Rapids, The Colorado Snowballs professional bobsledding team, 127 Tacos "R" Us restaurant franchises, and Pikes Peak, (the actual 14,115 foot mountain located just outside of Colorado Springs).

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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