Written by Juan Blood

Sunday, 24 October 2010

Amid the media frenzied blitz on the sensational allegations which have not been proven about Wayne and his love of sheep there is disquiet at Lancaster gate that the public have forgotten Wayne likes a bit of pork.

The grunting sound when he is angry and the squealing sound when he is happy can be traced to his love of pork.

Also rans like Liverpool hard man Tom Schmidt, Vincent Jones and David Peckam have rallied to the defence of the England striker.

This unlikely trio have spoken out to say Wayne's behaviour did not start overnight, indeed at 16 the old Trafford Genius was learning the ropes from a great grandmother. The trio believe it came about When Sven was England manager. Becks has said Wayne always looked up to Sven and wanted to bag himself a sophisticated lady. Vinny chipped in to say Colleen wasn't what Wayne had in mind when it came to sophistication but if you have legs like butter then there is a tendency for them to spread and Wayne could not resist.

Hard man Tomas Schmidt added when i played away no women were allowed near the grounds of the football ground, a hole in a tree was the nearest we got to the real thing said Tommy picking thorns out of his groin. The trio plan to present a signed petition to keep slappers and wags in football not to the PFA union but Sepp Blatter.

Watch this space for any developments.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Wayne Rooney

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