As the world of football was once again left reeling with revelations of yet another sex scandal - the fiancee of Peter Crouch, the delectable Croxteth raised Abbey Clancy, friend of roly poly TV comedian James Corden, decided to consult an expert in the field - Toni Terry, wife of John Terry, who allegedly had an extra-marital affair with French lingerie model, Vanessa Perroncel.
(Editor's note: This an extremely complicated report involving long sentences, multiple names, a variety of tenuous links, a number of blatant untruths, a magic sponge, a pair of shin pads, a jock strap, a hidden camera, a packet of polo mints and a plastic bucket.)
Abbey was snapped deep in conversation with John Terry's wife, Toni at a Surrey trout hatchery where the pair tickled some brown trout before lolloping about on horseback for a while, was not wearing her £2 million engagement ring, and has allegedly banished Crouchy to the couch as part of a nookie ban.
The storm follows claims that Crouch shelled out £820 in order to bed Algerian hooker Monica Mint in Madrid on a stag party. Unconfirmed reports have suggested that Crouch and Mint checked into a cheap hotel with a stepladder and a fishing rod.
Friends say that Abbey is furious, and has consulted Toni in a last ditch bid to salvage her engagement to the long drink of water footy hero. She is said to be concerned that her future may be a little less prosperous if she breaks off the engagement to the footballing giant.
Friends of Crouchy repport that he isn't really over the moon but he's not quite as sick as a parrot and gutted yet. John.
More as we get it.
