Jack Johnson Crowned Heavyweight Champion of the World

Written by Earl Grey

Sunday, 11 April 2010

image for Jack Johnson Crowned Heavyweight Champion of the World
Jack Dempsey is already training for his shot at the title

Jack Johnson sensationally regained his heavyweight crown last night with a hard fought points victory over Rocky Marciano. Johnson won a victory for senile old folk as he became the oldest champion in history. The 186 year old led on points all the way and survived a Marciano surge in the last round.

Johnson easily maneuvered his zimmerframe around the ring and his reach was greatly improved with the addition of his new walking stick. Marciano failed to land any heavy blows and the onset of Alzheimer's led to him continually going to the wrong corner.

Boxing promoter Don King has come under heavy criticism for promoting fights with dead boxers. He responded after the fight "Look, these guys are just as sharp as some of the heavyweights still living. Look at Frank Bruno. I think it's wonderful to have Jack as champion. I've lined up Jack Dempsey as his next opponent."

Critics have claimed that the heavyweight division has become little more than a circus show. Each month a washed-up old pro is wheeled out-literally in Johnson's case-and the spectators have little choice but to put up with the nonsense.

Next month Frank Bruno is to challenge Widow Twanky for the Pantomime Heavyweight title, recently vacated by Christopher Biggins.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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