Two weeks ago, Sherman Lewis was enjoying his retirement and playing bingo at a senior citizen's center. Next Sunday, he'll call the plays for the Washington Redskins. Head Coach Jim Zorn announced that "Mr. Snyder, our owner, feels that someone else should call the plays and has turned those duties over to Coach Lewis."
The Redskins have one of the worst records in football and lost this week to the Raiders, a previously winless team.
Representatives for the Redskin's front office were quick to point out that Jim Zorn has not been fired as head coach and will still retain that title and position.
In addition to not calling the plays, Zorn will also turn the following duties over to assistants:
Standing on the sidelines and wearing a whistle will be performed by the wide receivers coach.
Yelling at the referees for bad calls will be performed by the linebacker coach.
Calling the coaching staff meetings to order will be performed by the defensive backfield coach.
Crossing the field to shake hands with the opposing head coach after the game will be performed by the special teams coach.
Receiving the gatorade shower at the end of key victories will be performed by...well, probably nobody.