Struggling premiership football club, Portsmouth, are announcing a number of changes to the squad. "We have had to do a little re-organisation following the fact that we have sold all of our decent players" The manager, Paul Hart (whose name is quite amusing if you write it as PHart) told us.
The new line up looks like this:
In goal, Lloyds Bank, to help improve the quality of saving. However, this signing is not generating much interest.
Playing wide, Kentucky Fried Chicken: They have produced some tasty wings in the past.
There is a new anonymous centre forward who suffers from impotence. It is hoped he will gain a lot of penalties as he can't stay up in the box. He is also a fan of oral sex, and gains many free kicks as he goes down very easily.
They have also gone for a player who has an enormous penis and testicles. "We needed someone who had a big tackle" Said Hart.
The club is also considering a new nickname. The current suggestion is "The Bedwetters" because they can't keep a clean sheet.
