Written by simosimes

Monday, 27 July 2009

image for Flintoff Admits to Demons
Out: Flintoff sacrifices his wicket to get back in the bar. Again.

Andrew Flintoff yesterday admitted what many had suspected for some time. In a remarkably frank interview in a darkened bar in the centre of Manchester, the 6'3" 32 stone fast drinker stated that he wanted to, "put some demons behind me."

"Yes, I am a drinker with a cricket problem. The main issue I have at the moment is that when I play for England I can't get properly pissed. Drink breaks are okay, but there is only so much you can neck in a short time. Then they give me that ball thing or worse the wooden stick and expect me to beat Australia sober. Its fucking stupid."

Flintoff's drinking form has indeed suffered lately and many experts have expressed concern. The dead George Best is one of a host of heavy drinkers who openly stated that the all rounder cannot keep on getting arseholed whilst wasting time winning the ashes. "Yes, his ghost appeared to me last night when I was on the way back from the fridge. He told me to have a look at both of me in the mirror and sort my cricket addiction out."

Flintoff is thought to have retired from the 5 day form of the sport to concentrate on the shorter Twenty - 20 format so he can remain shitfaced, "twenty four seven."

"Yes I can dose myself up before each innings and play through the pain barrier. The only problem is that the fucking games are played at night when the pubs are open."

Flintoff is no stranger to controversy and is famed for appearing utterly arseholed both before, during and after the entire 2005 Ashes series. He also became so drunk on tour in the West Indies that he mistook a pedalo for his wife and had to be rescued at sea. Charges of trying to fuck a boat were later dropped.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Andrew Flintoff




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