Henman Blasts 'Bottler' Murray.

Funny story written by Tess Tickles

Sunday, 5 July 2009

Former British number one Tim Henman has branded Andy Murray a 'bottler who will never win the big one', after the Scot lost to American Andy Roddick in a tight semi-final.

"He doesn't have the balls. And I don't mean tennis ones", said Henman, speaking on fivelive. "He may have some good wins, but ultimately he's a bottler who's going to come up against players who are just gonna wipe the floor with him round about the semis or quarters. Let's not get whipped into a frenzy by this Murray mania bullocks because he's going to let everyone down. It's all media hype. Everyone needs to realise that he's not up to it so let's stop all this 'He can win it' bullshit. It's fucking embarrassing."

He also criticized the British supporters at SW19.

"They're sitting there waving their stupid flags and wearing clown union jack hats screaming and shouting like a bunch of monkeys. If I hear one more 'Come on Andy', I'm going to punch someone. Get a life, you saddos. Honestly."

He also claimed that the BBC should stop ramming Murray down the British public's throats and likened the 22 year-old to 'that other Brit choker-what was his name?-oh yeah, Greg Rusedski.'

Henman's comments have been criticized as harsh by many media pundits and the BBC were quick to play down his controversial statements, specifically when he referred to Murray as 'a threat to the crown', compared him to Scottish Moors Murderer Ian Brady and said that 'he wouldn't trust a Haggis eating Hamish as they're all sly, sneaky alcohol-swilling bastards'.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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