YOKOHAMA, Japan - Major League baseball pitcher Roger Clemens has just been signed by the Yokohama Bay Stars of The Japanese Central League.
Clemens reportedly signed a two-year contract worth $60 million. Clemens and his family will live rent free on a 40 acre estate that once belonged to Emperor Hirohito.
Yoshii Nagashima, owner of the Yokohama Bay Stars told a reporter with The Yokohama Morning Sun-Post, "We are very much happy to have a legendary icon like Mr. Clemens to play for us in Yokohama.
"The Clemster is way by far the very bestest pitching man in whole wide world, even more better than BB Sashoweria." (EDITOR'S NOTE: Mr. Nagashima actually meant to say CC Sabatia).
Nagashima went on in his broken Engrish (sic), "We in the Repubic Island of Japan no care one, how you say in USA...oh yes, we no care one rat's ass about the Gatorade charges.
"Roger he tell to me he no drink Gatorade, and I smile and giggle and I say to him that I believe him that he no take it...so there, suitcase closed.
"Okey dokey? And let me see, how you say it in the house of the brave and land of the frisbee, eeny, meeny, miney, moe.
"Oh, and also one more American saying that I only just proudly learn this past Tuesday when I read National Enquirer, Japanese editon of course is...'hey Paris Hilton, you one hot-lookin' bitch bro...' Thank you everybody too many, many much."
In other news, a Russian nuclear submarine has admitted that it ran over two orca whales. The Russian government, however has agreed to pay SeaWorld for all damages.
