Scolari Rates His Chances Of Leaving Chelsea As "1 In 4"

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 27 November 2008

image for Scolari Rates His Chances Of Leaving Chelsea As "1 In 4"
Green indicates the probability of a fan throwing a coin onto the pitch...

After only 5 months in the job, Chelsea manager Luiz Felipe Scolari has indicated that he is not entirely happy with things at Stamford Bridge, and will leave if the Blues don't beat Cluj in their next Champions League fixture.

Chelsea drew 1-1 with French side Bordeaux last night, and now sit second in their group behind Roma, who beat them earlier this month. (All these exciting-sounding names!)

Scolari was visibly upset, and during the after-match news conference, told journalists:

"We need to beat Cluj at home. But if I thought the team did not have the quality to beat Cluj at home, then I had better go back to Brazil.

"But I think we have a 75% chance to beat them."

Reading between the lines, what Scolari seems to be saying, is that, despite being top of the Premiership, he rates his chances of remaining at Chelsea only 3 in 4.

Remember, he said he thinks they have a 75% chance of winning, and, therefore, a 25% chance of 'not winning' (either a draw or a defeat). It follows, then, that whilst he has a 3 in 4 chance of staying at Chelsea, he also has a 1 in 4 chance of leaving.
This is what is known as 'mathematical probability'.

It's certainly a worry for Blues fans, who had breathed a sigh of relief when he took the reins from Avram Grant, and the Stamford Bridge board and owner Roman Abramovich will be hoping their multi-million-pound squad will have enough firepower to get past the Romanians, and avoid the slight, yet not insignificant possibility that Scolari will take over at Manchester City instead.

My brain hurts.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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