Written by Kent Pete

Sunday, 7 September 2008

image for Kevin Keegan storms out of Asda after only 10 minutes
King Kev...He loves a storm

Kevin Keegan was last night seen storming out of Asda after only being in the supermarket for 10 minutes.

The announcement follows lengthy talks between the 57-year-old and the store manager Brian Richardson.

"I've been working desperately hard to find a way forward with this particular shop, but sadly that has not proved possible," Keegan said in a statement.

"It's my opinion that when you go to a supermarket you should be allowed to get on with it without constant interference from over eager shop assistants".

Keegan's move comes after three days of intense speculation about where he was to buy his groceries in the future.

"It is true I had only been in the store for about 10 minutes. I hadn't shopped in a supermarket for over four years. When I lived in Scotland I chose small independent retailers such as Frank H Butlin Electricals and Archie Bruce and Sons in Glasgow. Asda was the only supermarket that would have tempted me back into a large chain store. I honestly believe I am the only customer that truly understands how Asda works. I have an affinity with the people that shop there, everyone knows that. However I was tempted in by some '2 for the price of 1′ deals and they just don't exist. Apart from the offer on selected cheeses there was nothing. I feel totally let down. I genuinely hope things improve here. The Asda customers, and as I have said I love every single one of them, deserve so much better than this"

About 200 angry shoppers have gathered outside the Asda store in Gateshead. They chanted Keegan's name and called for store manager Richardson and his deputy Sarah Lee to quit.

Michele Woods 45 from Mason's Hill in Tyne and Wear said to our reporter: "Special K is right. The prices here have been gradually rising and no longer represent value for money. I plan a boycott for the next two weeks and hope others join me. This store has become a laughing stock. I just thank God someone has had the guts to say it"

'King Kev' was later seen storming out of Barclays Bank, Blaydon Library and IKEA hypermarket claiming that the latter was now 'far too Swedish'

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Kevin Keegan, ASDA

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