It's What Told You First - Bank of England Buys Newcastle United

Written by politicalpop

Tuesday, 19 February 2008

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Nationalisation will give Newcastle United an unfair advantage

As predicted here in as recently as last week, the government has decided to nationalise Newcastle United because results under Kevin Keegan didn't improve.

Nationalisation was preferred to avoid damaging the credibility of the Premiership in the eyes of the rest of the world where Premiership games are going to be staged.

Transfer of management of Newcastle from its current manager, Kevin Keegan, to a former insurance salesman, Reg Dagenham has been completed and he has met the players for training today.

Mr Dagenham immediately used £13.13 million of taxpayers' money to buy former toon heartthrob Alan Shearer from the BBC, although he didn't know that the former England striker no longer plays football.

"It was disappointing to see that the lad's put on a few pounds and I don't mean in his back pocket."

Mr Dagenham has prepared for managing Newcastle United by not walking under any ladders for many years.

Other Premiership clubs have complained that having the government run Newcastle United gives them an unfair advantage. Referees will be more inclined to award them penalties in lieu of peerages or knighthoods.

Former PM and lifelong toon fan, Tony Blair (102): "Why-eye-man, there's noo two ways about it this is the leg up the toon needed and that's a fact, man."

It is thought the government are lining up other failing Premiership outfits for nationalisation once silverware is restored at Newcastle. The next key target may well be Liverpool.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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