"I think we have fecked up" admits Bromley Council

Funny story written by Kent Pete

Sunday, 12 August 2007

image for "I think we have fecked up" admits Bromley Council
Beckenham F.C.

At a time when cash strapped local authorities are having to account for every penny spent, the London Borough of Bromley is being heavily criticised for spending over £120 million on a 80,000 capacity stadium for Beckenham Town Football Club whose average attendance last season was a mere 720.

Playing in the Kent County League, Club secretary Ian Moore admitted, "To be honest we were pissed when we put in the planning permission. We did it for a laugh. Nobody expected to be taken seriously. Let's be honest we struggle to get 800 people here on a good day. If it's cold nobody turns up...If it's snowing the team don't turn up for fuck's sake!"

He continued, "To come in for pre season training and see a magnificent 80,000 seater stadium with cantilever stand, under soil heating and parking space for over 5,000 cars was just unbelievable. We thank Bromley very much but to be honest when Whitstable turn up to play here on Saturday week we are going to be a laughing stock. They brought six away fans last season and two of them left at half time to go shopping ".

Speaking from a secret location somewhere near Plymouth, Peter Bradshaw, Head of Sports finance for the beleaguered Council said yesterday, "I must admit I think we have fecked up big time over this. We only have an annual sports budget of £45 million. There will be some serious questions to answer that's for sure. I'm just glad I'm going on leave for the next fortnight."

If anyone would like to buy a ticket for the Beckenham Town vs Whitstable Kent League match on Saturday August 18th 2007, please ring 099872 1001856. It should however be possible to buy one on the day. At present there are 79,405 tickets remaining.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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