Scottish FA To Consider Removing Saltire From Jerseys

Funny story written by Simon Saunders

Sunday, 2 December 2012

image for Scottish FA To Consider Removing Saltire From Jerseys
Under UEFA proposals 2+2 would equal Austria

After the Grampian Fire and Rescue Service (GFRS) chiefs removed Saltires from the grill of two fire appliances following complaints that they were offensive, Scottish football bosses are set to consider taking a similar stance with the national team jerseys.

SFA Chief Executive Stewart Regan attempted to explain the thinking behind the potential move. "We live in ever increasingly sensitive times and we don't wish to offend others. After the decision by the GFRS we feel it's only right and proper to review our use of the Saltire. Removing it isn't the only option. Another proposal is to have it embroidered inside the shirt. That way the players and fans would still know it was there but the opposition wouldn't be offended because they wouldn't be able to see it. That's my preference. We all know you can't be offended by something you can't see. Not unless your some sort of modern day Mary Whitehouse. "

Most Scot's are fiercely proud of their flag, the Saltire, and many have already voiced their disgust at what they see as a politically correct move designed to appease others while annoying them.

The chairman of the Edinburgh based Corstorphine Scotland Supporters Club, Tam Alky, told us his organisations members are not impressed. "Whit's the point a this? I cannae see why any other country would be bothered. The folks a've blethered wi dinnae ken whit it's aw aboot. The SFA are a buncha numpties."

This news comes hot on the heels of a UEFA proposal to ban names of countries and replace them with numbers. Again, this move is supposed to prevent offense from being taken. A leaked UEFA document shows Scotland as "European country number fourty four." This number has been selected because it's where Scotland sit in the A-Z of European national teams.

This proposal hasn't been met with open arms by Mr Alky either. He told us that like most UEFA action it's completely pointless and he reckons fans will still chant their countries names regardless.

A number of other Scotland fans have expressed their displeasure at the numbering idea as well. One of them explained why. "Can ye imagine singing the national anthem? 'Oh flower of fourty four.' Whit a load a shite man. The SFA an UEFA know hee-haw aboot real folks. They dinnae care aboot us."

We attempted to speak to the Scotland manager to get his views, but then we remembered they don't have one.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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