Red Sox Keep Fans in the Comfort Zone

Funny story written by Ossurworld

Friday, 21 September 2012

Our fantasy Red Sox team is hitting its stride as the season caves in over our heads. For fifteen years our Red Sox team has provided us with consistent winning teams. We feel complacent and spoiled.

We checked our roster-and Kevin Youkilis is always a mainstay in September. Josh Beckett is due to throw a few masterpieces in the closing weeks.

We feel confident that Carl Crawford will continue his torrid hitting, matching Adrian Gonzalez extra base hit for hit.

Nick Punto is holding down the bench, and our favorite Josh Reddick is slamming home runs out of the park, matched only by Jed Lowrie.

Marco Scutaro never lets a ground ball have a seeing eyeball. Jonathan Papelbon shuts the door on even nights, and Bobby Jenks continues to hold the games in check on odd nights.

Daniel Bard sets up those late inning close games like a Red Sox brick, and David Ortiz is having another Big Papi season. John Lackey is a hale man well met by teammates. Daisuke Matsuzaka has shown the gyro pitch is the game winner.

And, those in-game, on field interviews with Heidi Watney are worth waiting for-even on late night West Coast road trips.

Tim Wakefield and Jason Varitek lend the dignity of veteran presence in the clubhouse and on the field.

We feel confident that the playoffs are merely a short stopover on the road to the World Series. Terry Francona is the best man to manage this motley crew.

Alas, last night we awoke in a pool of sweat; we were looking at our notes from August of 2011, instead of our prescriptions for blood pressure meds.

We heard that scholarly experts have revised translations of the Mayan calendar. They now realize the world will not end in 2012. Instead, the Mayans foresaw the collapse of the Red Sox as a worldwide calamity.

See you in 2013.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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