Portuguese win gold and silver in Olympic diving

Funny story written by IainB

Wednesday, 1 August 2012

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Nobody was surprised to Portugal atop the podium in the Olympic diving, with Ronaldo and Nani making a clean sweep between them. Nani's dive in the twenty-five metre event was technically perfect, earning him the gold, whilst Ronald's dive lacked elegance, according to the judges. It was however, sufficiently excellent to be awarded silver.

"When it came to the high dive," said diving judge Michael Swann, "Ronaldo had the edge, getting in at least fifteen rolls before he'd finished. The finish itself was flawless."

That dive earned Ronaldo gold, and Nani came in second with toe loops, twists and writhes on his way down.

"We marked Nani down slightly in that event," said Swann. "The scream was not quite authentic enough."

The pair were almost inseparable in the spring dive, with Ronaldo just edging it, possibly due to his height.

"How anybody can get such height from a standing start before rolling and twirling, is beyond me," said Swann. "Both managed it though."

With tomorrow seeing the synchronised diving event, is there anyone who can stop the Portuguese masters at diving? Tom Daley, who will be in the competition with the aptly named Max Brick, believes that British divers can give their continental cousins a run for their money.

"We're going to take gold," said Daley. "Nani and Ronaldo might be exceptional divers, but they're Portuguese, they always fluff it on the big stage."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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