There were 60 spoof news snippets published in May 2021. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.

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The Origin of Fruitcake

Factoid from the Music Channel on Cable: “Fruitcake originated in Egypt and was intended for the afterlife.”

That explains a lot.

written by Matt Birkenhauer, 26 May 2021

Bill Gates Files For Divorce From His Cheating Wife, Melinda...

...after catching her using a Commodore-64 computer.

written by Stefano M. Stefano, 05 May 2021

Pandemic Change Showering Habits And Showering Less Is New Fad

Few are only possible bath less since pandemic if you're pH as to your cinnamon flavor toothpaste or if you're in a workplace to shower less.

written by michelesc, 07 May 2021

New Porn Movie named after Fenway Park's "Pesky Pole"

Big J's FilmCo debuts its latest film in sticky theaters this weekend. The Pesky Pole, named after Fenway's right field foul pole stars "Lucky" grandson of the late great Sox shortstop, Johnny Pesky.

written by Earthvessel, 11 May 2021

Trump can't recall naming new capital of Israel

Asked about his "historic decision in Israel" naming Jerusalem its new capital, it was evident Trump couldn't recall anything about it, and summed it up by saying "well, as long as the check cleared"

written by Earthvessel, 11 May 2021

Mask-wearing man is hit by SUV crossing highway; he's maimed and angry

Joe Tosh was hurled 40 feet after being hit by 2.5 ton SUV today. His wife claims Joe was overconfident due to the fact he wore both the FFP2 & N95 masks. Says they both are disappointed in Dr. Fauci

written by Earthvessel, 11 May 2021

80 Years later, US liberals warming up to Hitler!

Recent polling shows that today's US liberals' preferences on social order and governing style are increasingly aligning with that of Adolph Hitler's NAZI party in 1930s-40s Germany. Stay tuned!

written by Earthvessel, 12 May 2021

Belichick reveals he'd be a stand up comic if not for football

Belichick told reporters he was about to become a comic on the Boston scene when he landed his NFL job. For his act he did zany impersonations, wore funny hats and inflated surgical gloves on his head

written by Earthvessel, 12 May 2021

Jagger in ICU pleads for help but staff thinks he's performing

Reports say Mick is at St Thomas' Hospital with an unknown malady. In a semi-conscious state last evening, he cried out for help but orderlies thought he was singing "Sister Morphine" Full story

written by Earthvessel, 12 May 2021

Jagger in ICU pleas for help but staff thinks he's performing

Suffering from an unknown malady, Mick was in a semi-conscious state last evening and apparently called for help but orderlies thought he was singing "Sister Morphine', crowded around him for a show

written by Earthvessel, 12 May 2021

Brexit Named: Fake News

Recently, Brexit has been overlooked, and it is revisited now by scientists. We have realised that the country cannot physically move from the EU, therefore it will always be placed in Europe.

written by YTRedIsEvil, 12 May 2021

Eric Trump: Dad thinks he can take Putin if he has to fight him

Eric told a good friend recently that his father talks about Putin “all the time” and apparently he contemplates a scenario in which they might duke it out. Eric added " No way is Dad afraid of him!"

written by Earthvessel, 12 May 2021

Aggrieved seagulls go on the attack, gripe they're most under appreciated birds on Earth

Animal psychic Howie Smith was violently attacked by a flock of seagulls after extended discourse with the birds. They are demanding that "humans recognize and acknowledge" them for their "greatness"

written by Earthvessel, 12 May 2021

Putin hears of Trump's bravado; Trump now in hiding

Reports of Eric Trump's stories about his dad's boasts reached the office of Vladimir Putin today. After a brief period of chaos at Mar-a-Lago this evening, sources say Trump will be away indefinitely

written by Earthvessel, 13 May 2021

McCarthy forgets about his Bossman's opinion on 2020 election

Asked about the ouster of Liz Cheney, GOP minority leader Keven McCarthy said “I don’t think anyone questions the validity of the 2020 election” when we asked “what about Trump?” He said “oh yeah...”

written by Earthvessel, 13 May 2021

Old woman calls police to report violent WWWF match on TV

Police called to an NYC home last night found an upset elderly woman. Ms,Ida Karos, who is visiting family, has lived in a remote Greek village her entire life. She was upset by a TV wrestling match

written by Earthvessel, 13 May 2021

Government launches new war on drugs. Tagline: "Drugs? Not cool man!"

The FDA and DHS have joined forces to launch a new phase in the War on Drugs. They employed an elite cadre of consultants who came up with the smart slogan, sure to work: Drugs? NOT Cool ma!

written by Earthvessel, 13 May 2021

Breaking: Honey Boo Boo has a stuffy nose

The star of reality show Here Comes Honey Boo Boo spent the day in "mild to moderate discomfort" due to a minor physical abnormality causing higher than normal mucus production. Updates to follow

written by Earthvessel, 14 May 2021

Man named Dick Johnson says "I cant believe my luck!"

Gas Station manager Richard "Dick" Johnson believes he's very lucky to have been given what he calls a "double-barreled name". Dick feels his name accounts for his extraordinary luck with the ladies!

written by Earthvessel, 14 May 2021

The "Old Lady" is named the most underrated threat to men for the 12th straight year

Jim Silk, CEO of PCKR: "We think about old women as meek, frail little people who are just trying to get by. What we overlook is it is in fact a Woman. One that's been around and has honed her skills!

written by Earthvessel, 14 May 2021

Stay The Night At Late Comedian $38M NYC Penthouse And Tell Us If It's Haunted

Some are only possible if you're a real estate agent ask New Yorkers to stay the night or if you're in a deal to purchase whether to open as a comedy trial as sign up for a drug trial to earn money.

written by michelesc, 15 May 2021

Angry Baltimore man demands chance to run in the Preakness

New racing fan Harry Coleman, 42 of Baltimore wants it known he's been denied entry to the Preakness. Coleman, who admits he has never won a footrace, believes he has the right to run if he so desires

written by Earthvessel, 15 May 2021

World peace rally protestor knocked unconscious for not wearing a mask

An unidentified protestor at the Eastham World Peace Rally was rush to the hospital after being knocked unconscious. The attacker later said "If he comes back here without a mask I'll do it again!"

written by Earthvessel, 15 May 2021

Shark Tank’s Kevin O’leary loses eye in new product snafu

Mr. Wonderful was demoted Friday when an inventor's popcorn maker shot four scalding kernels into his right eye. O’leary seemed interested & tried getting a closer look at the product when shots fired

written by Earthvessel, 15 May 2021

Magilla Gorrila arrested for vagrancy in Los Angeles

Beloved 60s childrens star Magilla Gorilla was found in an alley unconscious by police last night. Reportedly the luckless ape has been sobbing wandering the area panhandling while drinking cheap wine

written by Earthvessel, 15 May 2021

Black man found unconscious, shot by Detroit police then sent to hospital

A middle-aged black man suffering from diabetes passed out on downtown Detroit's Woodward Ave.yesterday. Police shot the man then sent him to the hospital. Police said shooting was routine protocol.

written by Earthvessel, 15 May 2021

Man & cat plan to wed. Man says "Never been happier!" Cat staying mum

Jack Bates 32, of Plaistow, NH admits it was love at first with his cat Preet. He's elated that she's consented to wed. Preet seems content but has not yet spoken on this-or any other topic.Stay tuned

written by Earthvessel, 15 May 2021

All Americans now being closely monitored. More to follow

The NSA today confirmed it monitors every move of every US citizen. No word yet from citizens themselves except for one YouTuber who plans a "kickass" video. Asked for comment, he said "Just wait!"

written by Earthvessel, 15 May 2021

Geddy Lee's nose inducted into Rock & Roll Hall of Fame

Rush front man Geddy Lee admits he would not be where he is today if not for his big nose. Fans know it's because of its size that Geddy's schnoz enables him to play three instruments simultaneously

written by Earthvessel, 15 May 2021

Female is spotted at Rush concert, thought it was Little Feat

Jill Burk was surrounded by 18,000 men at last night's show. When asked, she said "all the guys were really polite and considerate." She told us she'd mistaken Rush for American rock band Little Feat.

written by Earthvessel, 15 May 2021

Old captain names his tug boat after Robert Kraft

Tim Bowman has been a happy tug boat skipper 40 years and a life long fan of the NE Patriots. He's decided to merge his two great loves by naming his tug boat after "everyone's favorite billionaire"

written by Earthvessel, 16 May 2021

Gay clowns still stigmatized by John Wayne Gacy

John W. Gacy liked to dress as a clown, have sex with men then murder them. Unfortunately for gay clowns who mean no harm, people can't help but think of Gacy any time they encounter a gay clown

written by Earthvessel, 16 May 2021

Tom Cruise Protests Lack Of Diversity In Golden Globes Awards By Returning His Three Statues...

...Oh, sorry, correction, he returned three G.I. Joe action figures.

written by Stefano M. Stefano, 16 May 2021

NFL considers discontinuing mentally challenged officials

We know the NFL as a most compassionate operation. So the move to remove its current officials, known to be mentally challenged is tough. The refs were hired as a kind gesture toward the handicapped

written by Earthvessel, 16 May 2021

Lid is blown off the "Science is Real" movement

Self described "lowbrowmun" learned enough science in the past year to determine the "pro-science" movement is actually a conspiracy involving a cadre of "dorks" led by the evil, diminutive Dr. Fauci

written by Earthvessel, 16 May 2021

Expression "Mad as a hatter" is outlawed in the U.S.

After careful deliberation & emotional argument on both sides, US Congress voted to outlaw this expression. The clinching argument: The saying stereotypes hatters who, some say, may not all be crazy

written by Earthvessel, 16 May 2021

Infatuated man admits: I'm only in it for the boobage!

Begging that he remain anonymous, a Lynn man admitted that his obsession with British Youtube star Toyah is essentially due to her large and supple breasts. He added "human boobs are my favorite!"

written by Earthvessel, 17 May 2021

Survey: Most kids shocked to learn cameras were once used to take pictures of other people

In a recent Gallup poll only 29% of kids under 25 knew cameras were once used primarily to take pictures of other people (non-selfies). 16% said they never thought about taking shots of other people

written by Earthvessel, 17 May 2021

Fenway fan tradition of singing Sweet Caroline initiated by a Hollywood plot

An upcoming feature reveals that a tradition in which fans sing Neil Diamond song Sweet Caroline after the 7th inning at Fenway came is a result of a devious Hollywood plot. Details forthcoming soon

written by Earthvessel, 17 May 2021

Science believers become deniers after CDC says "no more masks"

Crowds of concerned citizens swarmed their town centers Friday to harass and bully people not wearing masks. One woman was heard screaming: "They've no right to lift the order! We're in great danger!"

written by Earthvessel, 18 May 2021

Maskless man beaten senseless by Concord, MA moms & daughters

Ash Wilbur, professor of History at BU is in stable condition in a local ICU after he was badly beaten by a swelling, angry group of do-good moms and their daughters roving the streets of Concord, MA

written by Earthvessel, 18 May 2021

New law makes it OK to attack anyone who says "Powers that be"

A once popular expression has in recent years, been losing favor, and now, sadly is prohibited by law. Anyone using the term "powers that be" is prone to receive a legal and severe beating on the spot

written by Earthvessel, 18 May 2021

Experts divided on definition of "Numbnuts"

Two factions have formed in a debate over a beloved term. A group known as the Rockers say Numbnuts is "just an idiot". But the Mods say it's one with dead testicles, who is dull &unable to reproduce

written by Earthvessel, 18 May 2021

Bill Gates accused of sexual harassment

Accuser says, "He tried to sleep with me. But then I found out why he named his company MicroSoft."

written by Sir Geoffroy Cockface, 18 May 2021

Officials find a trend: People "shelter-in-place' at home every night

Scientists recently discovered an interesting trend. People around the world tend to enter their homes & shelter-in-place regularly at each day's end! They'll continue to monitor this situation for us

written by Earthvessel, 18 May 2021

World War III

China accuses India of nicking their virus!

written by Jaggedone, 19 May 2021

Boris Johnson does a 'Pontius Pilatus!'

In a desperate attempt to blame anybody else but himself, Boris Johnson washed his hands of all responsibility and blamed the Indian owners of Jaguar for importing yet another mutation into the UK!

written by Jaggedone, 19 May 2021

Ole Solskjaer blames protesting United fans for the teams demise!

In a desperate attempt to blame anybody but himself, Solskjaer told tabloids protesting United fans disturbed his lullabying as his players, sucking thumbs and dummies, attempted to get some kip!

written by Jaggedone, 19 May 2021

Biden turns into a 'butthole!'

In a desperate attempt to get some tabloid/satirical attention, Biden has told his PR team to turn him into a 'Butthole!' Trump is suing him for plagiarism!

written by Jaggedone, 19 May 2021

Jaggedone turns 70 and blames God!

Infamous spoofer, Jaggedone turned 70 and told God to F himself for creating humans not in his image! Instead he turns humans into grumpy old bastards!

written by Jaggedone, 19 May 2021

Youngster declares his yard would be bigger if not for his house

Tom Burns caught lots of flak today from pals. "I guess it was just my my day" he mused. He finally cracked when a bully ridiculed his back yard, declaring it would be lots bigger if not for his house

written by Earthvessel, 21 May 2021

East Boston man comments on Atlantic Ocean: "There's a lot of water out there!"

During a ride to the beach today, Steve Tocci was in awe as he looked out at the ocean. Turning to pal Kooch Mcgee he exclaimed "there's a lotta water out there!" Kooch replied, "A couple of gallons".

written by Earthvessel, 22 May 2021

Old nymph prostitute retires to tropics with a cockatoo

JenHall, a hard working girl for many years, is calling it quits. Friends threw a big shindig for her retirement and also got her the perfect gift. A cockatoo for her to snuggle up to in her new life

written by Earthvessel, 22 May 2021

Trump: "My friendship with Putin is very, very strong! Might be the best in the world"

At a press conference today the former president repeatedly emphasized that he liked Vladimir Putin "very, very much", that they were very, very good friends; possibly the best friendship ever known

written by Earthvessel, 22 May 2021

Trump thinks the Ottoman Empire has something to do with robots

Informed by a Mir-a-Lago guest that she was a student of Ottoman Studies, the hobnobbing smooth-talking former president responded with a great question: "What's that, something about robots right?"

written by Earthvessel, 22 May 2021

Scientists venture to rural America to determine the length of a "country mile"

Professor John Nerdelbaum Frink Jr. and his team of top notch scientists have sojourned to the boondocks on a mission. Their objective: to calculate the length and crack the mysteries of country mile

written by Earthvessel, 24 May 2021

Know why chickens don't wear pants? Mystery solved!

Today we got more confirmation that it truly is a great time to be alive! The exciting new revelation that come to light: Chickens do not bother wearing pants because their packers are on their heads!

written by Earthvessel, 24 May 2021

Rumors confirmed: Greg Allman NOT born a rambling man!

Long ago Greg Allman told the world he was born a rambling man. It's odd now, looking back that we all took him at his word. Now, because we've advanced in our thinking we know Allman was just a baby!

written by Earthvessel, 25 May 2021

Farts in space can have deadly after-effects on Earth

Astrophysicist "Rip" Eitherton issued a warning to space travelers about potential dangers of farting in space. He explains that farts merging with solar winds can trigger natural disasters on Earth

written by Earthvessel, 29 May 2021

A Science-Lab Watch Whistle-blower Reveals the Real Purpose Behind "Gain of Function" Research

The watchdog group insider disclosed that Fauci's secret funding of "gain of function" research had little to do with disease scrutiny and everything to do with Fauch's penile projectile problems.

written by Trinculoman, 29 May 2021

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