There were 52 spoof news snippets published in August 2018. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
Vegans Mysteriously Missing From Third World Countries
The search for the finicky eaters continues in the most impoverished and malnourished areas of the world.
written by Michael Sienicki, 02 August 2018
Arizona Smokers Demand More Shade
"Because fuck this," they said, when reached for comment.
written by Michael Sienicki, 04 August 2018
Mueller Investigation Uncovers America's Two Biggest Secrets
They have not only uncovered Trump's tax returns, but they have found Hillary's missing e-mails!
written by Al N., 25 August 2018
Elizabeth Warren Demands New Appointment for Vacant Arizona Senate Seat
"Pocahontas" Warren proclaims she will accept no appointment to a McCain-vacated seat other than "Geronimo"Ocasio-Cortez who recently discovered that she is descended from a band of Apache Socialists.
written by Trinculoman, 27 August 2018
Pope Francis Disavows All Blame for Priestly Pedophilia
His Holiness claims no responsibility for Catholic priests' sexual assaults on children. He was "embedded" as Chaplain for a cadre of radical leftists bent on subverting freedom across South America.
written by Trinculoman, 27 August 2018
Trump Didn't Realize McCain Had Died But Had a Good Reason
He is all broken up about Aretha Franklin dying and locked himself in his room playing her records.
written by Al N., 28 August 2018
Trump Upset Because Googling Himself Only Brings Up Negative Stories
Google has explained to him that it is because there are ONLY negative Trump stories, & no others.
written by Al N., 28 August 2018
China's Chairman Xi Doing Well with Extra Benefits
Thanks to the rewards from hacking all of Hillary's emails,Chairman Xi is now enjoying his generous weekly financial stipend from the Clinton Foundation--and the steady flow of interns also is a plus.
written by Trinculoman, 29 August 2018
Trump Tells of a Good News Source to Follow Besides Fox News
He has declared that D. Pecker's National Enquirer is much more reliable than CNN or the NY Times.
written by Al N., 30 August 2018
Steve Bannon Spotted Panhandling at D.C. Metro Station
"He actually looked better than when he worked in the White House" a bystander said.
written by Al N., 30 August 2018
Trump Calls Up National Guard in Answer to "Witch Hunt"
First step? Storming the courthouse where the Paul Manefort trial is being held!
written by Al N., 02 August 2018
Millions Denied Groceries When Shopping Without I.D.
Because Trump said you need I.D. to buy food now, thousands of stores are now carding everyone.
written by Al N., 02 August 2018
Rudy Giuliani Says He Isn't Sure if Obstruction of Justice is a Crime or Not
He's also not sure if the President can commit perjury if he really thinks he is telling the truth.
written by Al N., 05 August 2018
Kim Jong-Un Admits the Real Reason He Told Trump North Korea Would Shut Down Their Nuclear Experiments
Since they are so busy on their new nerve gas experiments, they just don't have time any more!
written by Al N., 05 August 2018
Giuliani Says That Cohen Tampered With the Tape but is Actually Not Sure About What "Tape" Is
Rudy thought it might be some kind of Scotch tape or duct tape.
written by Al N., 05 August 2018
Rudy Giuliani Admits He Doesn't Actually Know What a Tweet Is
"It's probably something to do with that Internet stuff which I don't do because it's full of porn."
written by Al N., 05 August 2018
New Intelligence Group Named Themselves "Q" Because They Wanted Something Their Followers Could Spell
Imagine their chagrin when they get messages addressed to Kwu and Ku and and Cue & other variations,
written by Al N., 05 August 2018
NRA In Financial Crisis
NRA is in a financial crisis. That is such a tragedy and loss. Please, a minute of silence... Well, that's over with. Now, let's kill Bambi with a crossbow.
written by K.C. Bell, 05 August 2018
The King Of England?
Trump thought and may still believe there is a King of England. Though Queen Elizabeth’s husband is known as Prince Philip, he is not a King. He also has retired and wasn't around for Trump's visit.
written by K.C. Bell, 06 August 2018
Nation's Civility Found In Pornhub Comment Section
Though the users vehemently disagreed regarding the production quality, they found common ground in their love for borderline life-threatening hardcore bondage.
written by Michael Sienicki, 07 August 2018
Trump Insists He Hasn't Heard Anything From the Mueller Investigation
Of course, he's instructed everyone to block all calls from anyone with a last name starting with M.
written by Al N., 09 August 2018
The Truth About the Many Languages That Melania Trump Can Speak
It turns out that most of them are ones she made up herself.
written by Al N., 09 August 2018
Democrats Offer to Build THREE Walls for Trump
One around Trump Tower, one for Mar-A-Lago, and one around the White House, keeping Trump trapped.
written by Al N., 10 August 2018
Trump Will Start "Space Force" to Fight Space Aliens
It sounds like it's just another attempt to distract everyone from all the investigations, but he's serious!
written by Al N., 10 August 2018
Melania Will Watch Whatever She Wants On TV
She likes dramas where an imprisoned woman escapes, and takes bitter revenge on her former tormentor.
written by Al N., 10 August 2018
3 Doors Down, the Only Band That Consented to Play at Trump's Inauguration, Refuse to Play for Next One
Trump has become like "Kryptonite" to them.
written by Al N., 10 August 2018
Hollywood City Council Votes to Turn Trump Star Into a Trash Receptacle
"People have been throwing trash there for years anyway, so now it's legal," spoke a council person.
written by Al N., 10 August 2018
Trump Slaps Huge Tariffs on all Foreign Cars Except for Russia's Lada
"It's just a coincidence, I didn't realize it was a Russian car when I decided not to tax it."
written by Al N., 12 August 2018
Bernie Sanders Devastated at Lack of New Hairdo
Bernie desperately wanted a fake 'man-bun' for the Fall campaign, but the Socialist Farmers of Vermont couldn't slaughter enough albino goats to make one for him.
written by Trinculoman, 13 August 2018
Nancy Pelosi's Body is Much in Demand
Many top medical schools have made bids for the eventual corpse of Pelosi. All want to study effects of contemporary mummification techniques on quasi-living tissue. Madame Tussauds also wants in!
written by Trinculoman, 13 August 2018
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Learns about 'Marxism'
Ocasio-Cortez went to the New York Public Library to get the definitive book, asked for it, and was ready to check it out. Fortunately, Ben Shapiro explained it was Karl Marx, not Groucho's memoirs
written by Trinculoman, 13 August 2018
Peter Strok Gets New Job
Recently-canned ex-FBI Strok lands on his feet with new gig. He's the security guard at the Bethesda, MD, Chuck-E-Cheese. No worries, he's already geared-up to harass all Trump-voting soccer moms!
written by Trinculoman, 13 August 2018
Christopher Steele Expands His Farcical Spewing in a New Venue
Cut from a corrupt FBI, Steele had to keep kippers on his plate. So, he answered an ad in Variety, and now he's Rosie O'Donnell's new Rant Writer, thus confirming a universal law: all slime converges.
written by Trinculoman, 13 August 2018
Porn Lawyer Seeks to Expand Show-Biz Career
Fresh off countless CNN appearances, creepy porn lawyer Michael Avenatti has sued Marvel Comics, demanding to be taken on as their latest super-hero -- Rabid-Ranting-Rodent-Esquire-Dude.
written by Trinculoman, 13 August 2018
Fake Friend
Surprise, surprise! Apparently, Omarosa was Trump’s fake friend. This is definitely sad.
written by K.C. Bell, 14 August 2018
Ex-CIA John Brennan Heads Up New Militant Group
Emulating his hero Robespierre, a pissed-off Brennan leads a new faction of Contra-Deplorables. The goal is to execute via guillotine at CIA HQ all those who disagree with him.
written by Trinculoman, 18 August 2018
Better Investigative Use of Mueller's Prosecutory Focus
While Mueller diddle-daddles over non-existent matters in Trump's campaign, real crimes in the Catholic church go unpunished! Plenty criminality in Popedom to keep an 'independent' counsel busy!
written by Trinculoman, 21 August 2018
Governor Cuomo Agrees to Go to Canada
NYGov Cuomo will use the ticket Trump bought him, but there are some stipulations. Cuomo demands to be Don of Toronto mafia & Trudeau demands Stormy Daniels as his 'personal' assistant. Done deal!
written by Trinculoman, 24 August 2018
Michael Cohen Goes on Angie's List with an Urgent Request
Trump-Ex-Lawyer Cohen is desperately seeking a service technician in the NYC metro area. He needs an expert to remove his gonads from the Craftsman vice that Mueller's squad squeezed them in.
written by Trinculoman, 25 August 2018
Trump Doesn't Understand What a Billionaire Really Is
He thought it meant someone who was more than a billion dollars in debt.
written by Al N., 25 August 2018
Trump's Alexa Won't Obey Him Anymore
It refuses to wake him up at 4 a.m. to start tweeting again.
written by Al N., 25 August 2018
"A Bridge Too Far"
Do you ever get the impression, listening to cable news, that the cliché “a bridge too far” is, just MAYBE, a bridge too far?
written by Matt Birkenhauer, 26 August 2018
Pedophile Defense Fund Debuts
It is completely secular in nature, and is expected to be popular among people who want to help pedophiles escape justice without having to sit through Mass every Sunday.
written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 27 August 2018
Bad Press
BREAKING NEWS: Munchausen by Proxy Mom Community Sickened by Portrayal of Them in HBO’s New Series “Sharp Objects”
written by Matt Birkenhauer, 29 August 2018
Hello/Goodbye was Originally Hey/Take Off
You say Yes! I say No! You say why and I say I don't know. Oh no! You say Hey! I say Take Off. Hey! Hey! I don' know why you say "Take Off" I say Hey!---But the Beatles did just two takes that way.
written by JinoLeFeeto, 02 August 2018
Corbyn crucifixtion date confusion
Jeremy Corbyn (now JC) is to be crucified, but waiting for Easter is too long for the impatient.
written by j.w., 02 August 2018
Beatles "Good Morning" was originally "Good Day"
The Beatles song "Good Morning" was originally "Good Day" until they decided it didn't rhyme well enough. Next they tried Good Afternoon; Good Evening; Good Friday; Good Fer Nothing and Goo Night.
written by JinoLeFeeto, 14 August 2018
Republicans Respond To Trump's Madness....
Today Congressional Republicans responded to all of Donald Trump's outrageous behavior and lies .....................................................................................................not.
written by JinoLeFeeto, 19 August 2018
Sixteen nurses pregnant at Arizona hospital ICU
Exhausted junior doctor on the run
written by Paxton Quigley, 20 August 2018
Arctic Monkeys puzzled
What do you mean there aren't monkeys in the arctic?
written by Paxton Quigley, 20 August 2018
Outrage at Jamie Oliver's new Jamaican rice range...
Levi Roots challenges him to a jerk off.
written by Paxton Quigley, 21 August 2018
Mueller inquiry: Trump fears 'perjury trap'
"You want me to tell the truth?"
written by Paxton Quigley, 21 August 2018
