There were 34 spoof news snippets published in July 2018. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.

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Chicken for Dinner

What do you call a woman that strangles chickens at the slaughter house?

A professional chicken choker.

written by King Kong, 03 July 2018
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No fish to poke

Willy Long enters a lesbian pub.

Being a ham, he says, "Get me a bloody fish to satisfy my needs"

Bartender says, "Sorry Ham, we don't serve food."

Ham=food

written by King Kong, 03 July 2018
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I.C.E. Dress Code

Do I.C.E. or U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement workers wear black shirts?

written by K.C. Bell, 05 July 2018
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Trump Wants to Broadcast Cabinet Meetings

Network officials aren't sure about Trump's idea to include a talent portion to "tweak the ratings."

written by Al N., 07 July 2018
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Melania Escapes Again

"This time she almost made it to the airport" remarked an anonymous Secret Service agent.

written by Al N., 07 July 2018
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Trump Wants to Hold Campaign Rally in Toronto

They were done with the planning when someone looked it up and found out Toronto isn't in the U.S.

written by Al N., 10 July 2018
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EPA Former Head Scott Pruitt Puts a Doomsday Bomb Into the Environment

"Did you think I was just going to sit in my wife's Chick-A-Fil and pay for my own flights?" he said

written by Al N., 10 July 2018
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Giuliani: Mueller Probe Is Corrupt

Mueller probe most corrupt Giuliani has ever seen. Well, yeah! Every letter, email, bank record and cover up opens another can of worms and uncovers more corruption. The snowflake is just overwhelmed.

written by K.C. Bell, 11 July 2018
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Melania's Dress For Supper At Blenheim Palace

Melania Trump's dress for supper at Blenheim Palace was hailed by Fox News as, "Making her look like a princess." Well, she sort of looked more like Blanche Dubois.

written by K.C. Bell, 13 July 2018
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The Queen Takes A Knee

The Queen of England takes a knee in front of Trump during the playing of the Stars Spangle Banner, joining the protest.

written by K.C. Bell, 13 July 2018
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Kavanaugh Nominated For Philippine Supreme Court?

Trump’s Supreme Court nominee Kavanaugh says Trump can’t be sued, indicted, or investigated. Even if caught stealing White House silver? Quick, somebody tell Kavanaugh he’s not in the Philippines.

written by K.C. Bell, 15 July 2018
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Trump to Continue Dictator Tour

There are still a few dictators in the world that Trump hasn't groveled to.

written by Al N., 17 July 2018
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Trump to Declare War on Iran to Cover Up Mueller Probe

This is having the desired effect of making reporters scared to investigate any more bad Trump news.

written by Al N., 23 July 2018
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North Korea Jealous of Iran After Trump Threatens Iran on Twitter

"You're threatening Iran? What is North Korea--chopped liver?" tweeted Kim Jong-un's Jewish aunt.

written by Al N., 24 July 2018
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Russian Immigrant Surprised Americans Didn't Know About the Trump P-Tape

"It's been playing on Russian TV for a year!" said the recent immigrant.

written by Al N., 24 July 2018
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Ivanka Trump's Clothing Line to Only Be Available in Russia, North Korea, and China

It's only fair since that's where the children are located that make the clothing line.

written by Al N., 25 July 2018
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Trump to Bring Back Leaded Gas

What have we got against lead? What if the lead people want to sue us? We must be fair and do this!

written by Al N., 25 July 2018
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Why Does Canada Take All the Bullcrap From Trump?

Because if Trump keeps up his energy policies, Canada will soon be the only habitable place left.

written by Al N., 25 July 2018
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Trump is Mad When He Can't Cut A Deal With the Mueller Investigation

He wanted to be let off because he promised to throw Jerrod, Donnie, Jr. and Eric under the bus.

written by Al N., 26 July 2018
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Jeff Session's Office Prepares to Attack Colorado!

Attorney General Jeff Sessions promised Coloradan pot growers he would bring Federal retribution . Today Sessions armed his 20 member office including secretaries on the Colorado state line.

written by JinoLeFeeto, 01 July 2018
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Rocky Racoon Finally Arrested For Murder

Rocky Racoon was finally arrested for the murder of his rival for the affections of Magill. His rival had broken his dreams. She use to be caled Lill, but everyone knew here as Nancy.

written by JinoLeFeeto, 02 July 2018
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Yesterday No Longer Far Away for Most Americans

Yesterday all our troubles seemed so far away, now D Trump is here to stay. Why? Why do all good things have to go? We don't know, he wouldn't say. He says many things wrong and we long for yesterday.

written by JinoLeFeeto, 02 July 2018
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Man Charged With Burning Norwegian Wood

Today in court Leonard Filmore said, "I once had a girl or should I say she once had me." Leonard described the evening after she told him she worked in the morning and laughed. He lit a fire.

written by JinoLeFeeto, 04 July 2018
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Mean Mr Mustard's Sister Pam Quits Job

Mean Mister Mustard's sister Pam worked non-stop in a shop, go getter type. She quit and is now on the lamb. She does intend to continue taking her brother out to see the Queen from time to time.

written by JinoLeFeeto, 04 July 2018
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Paperback Writer Divorces Clinging Wife

A recently published paperback writer, complaining about his clinging wife not understanding him, filed for divorce. The clinging wife could not be reached for comment.

written by JinoLeFeeto, 06 July 2018
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Yellow Submarine Found in the Chunnel

The Beatles Yellow Submarine was found parked blocking traffic in the Chunnel early this morning. Several Blue Meanies were found and arrested for driving while intoxicated no ex-Beatles were present.

written by JinoLeFeeto, 08 July 2018
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Nominative determinism at the US embassy

US ambassador Woody Johnson welcomed President Trump to the UK, alongside his assistants Dick Schlong and Willy McPenis.

written by Sir Geoffroy Cockface, 12 July 2018
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I Am The Walrus! Says Trump To NATO Leaders

"I am the Egg man they are the Egg men, I am the Walrus!" shouted Donald Trump amid NATO leaders at a news conference. "Koo koo ker choo!" added Angela Merkle, trying to laugh off the embarrassment.

written by JinoLeFeeto, 12 July 2018
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McCartney Song Had Alternate Words In Demo

Paul McCartney's Song "Back in the USSR" use to say 'You would know how lucky your are Boy', then he tried 'You wouldn't know how lucky you are boy'. "He threw that out and went with "You don't".

written by JinoLeFeeto, 22 July 2018
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No Where Man Accused of Making Plans For Everybody

He doesn't have a point of view, but lately he's been bossing around the likes of North Korea and Iran. He doesn't seem to know where the hell he is. The editorial staff believe he should listen more.

written by JinoLeFeeto, 26 July 2018
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Let It Be was really Paul's Mom scolding him

"Let it be! I told you I'm not foolin, Paul McCartney, you let it be, or you're gettin a spankin! That's what Mum told us!" said Paul McCartney. "Later, when I was older, it meant something different."

written by JinoLeFeeto, 26 July 2018
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Maxwell Silver Hammer Indicted by Robert Mueller

Maxwell was accused recently of colluding with Russian intelligence to influence American elections, using his infamous silver hammer to take out Democrats in America. Putin has denied any connection.

written by JinoLeFeeto, 27 July 2018
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Monster Corbyn Found in Israel

A monster called Corbyn has been spied on the Golan Heights singing 'Fiddler on the Roof'.

written by j.w., 27 July 2018
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I Want To Hold Your Hand Updated By Scientists

Oh Please message me you'll lemme be your hominid, And please say to me, you'll lemme hold your appendage! I wanna hold your ap-pennnnnn- dage, I wanna hold your appendage. And when I leave dead cells

written by JinoLeFeeto, 31 July 2018
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