I Used To Supply Idi Amin With Wensleydale Rams
The Two David Livingstones have moved again, to a semi in Lewes. "We'll be happier here", said the second Livingstone yesterday. "There's a road called Stanley Street nearby. Perfect."
Dale Winton Drank From My Grandmother's Breasts
Troubled by Jehova's Witnesses? Hang a week-old mutilated corpse from the apple tree in your garden. They'll not come near. No apple tree? Just leave the corpse slumped by the front door.
Coelacanths Are The New Hector Heathcoat
"James Corden is an irritating fatuous gobshite", says Prince Ferdinand Georg August of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha. "I died in 1851, but it's obvious to me. So what's wrong with the Americans? Hang on..."