"Flayed Cats Ruined My Childhood", Claims Archbishop of Canterbury
Thursday Night Highlights from the Cretin Channel:
21:00 Celebrity Wank-Off - Can the Hairy Bikers out-jism Noel Gallagher?
22:30 Astronomy Today looks forward to this summer's Total Eclipse of the Sun by Simon Cowell's Ego
Talent Shortage Threatens James Corden
Devon watering-can repairer Adelbert Lossiemouth claims he came up with the idea for 60s TV show Pinky and Perky. "I thought of that when I was castrating 2 dwarf-children", he said yesterday.
Anal Fissures Are The New Jedward
Among the latest offerings of Dorking inventor Gideon Bable are a wooden tea towel, a set of reversible egg-cosies, and a bowler hat for performing lions.
"James Corden Used To Borrow My Suppositories", Claims Lunt Paedophile
More Highlights From The Cretin Channel
20:00 Hilda Goes In - Hilda the Undercover Hippo probes the link between Labi Siffre, Eric Pickles and Sinitta.
James Corden is a Vacuous Gobshite
Trulle is back with a vengeance, especially when woven into a gossamer mouffe. Gerhard Muffdiver wowed the catwalks of Mitteleuropa with his faux Etruscan buskins