There were 110 spoof news snippets published in January 2015. A selection of the best rated snippets is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
German Pegida not Nazis!
The latest paranoid group to protest against Islamism, German Pegida, are not Nazis they claim, but have offered UKIP several empty barracks in Auschwitz if the UK has too many Romanians!
written by unknown
ISIS stop beheading!
Relieving news is reaching us from Iraq, ISIS have vowed not to behead anybody anymore, therefore they will kidnap babies and spike them on their bayonets; lovely bunch!
written by unknown
Bill Cosby Revealed to Be Secret Meth Cook
In a surprise announcement today it was revealed that Bill Cosby is the secret meth cook that has been flooding LA with something new-Pudding Pop Meth.
written by Al N., 16 January 2015
CNN warn cash point queues!
CNN issue following warning: Do not approach rather plump Asian looking men waiting at global cash points; damn suicide bombers will do anything to finance their terror action, even stand in a queue!
written by unknown
Diego Costa is a reincarnated pitbull!
Blood samples taken from Chelsea's Diego Costa have proven he has the genetic make up of a pitbull! Mourinho is thinking about buying Suarez so he can unleash an unbeatable canine duo into the EPL!
written by unknown
Cameron compares himself to Sir Winston!
On the 50th anniversary of Sir Winston Churchill's funeral, tosser, David Cameron, compared his achievements with the great wartime PM! People visiting his tomb swore they heard the ground tremble!
written by unknown
King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia is dead at 90
Doctors say he died of Wahabbist complications and a Jack Daniels diet.
written by queen mudder, 22 January 2015
Scamatology To Buy Showtime, Run Anti-HBO Programming 24/7
Discovering that HBO is airing a documentary about them, Scamatology has purchased Showtime to run anti-HBO programming. Donald Trump also offered to buy Showtime, but Showtime preferred the cult.
written by Al N., 25 January 2015
German giants bash Tesco!
Giant Brit supermarket, Tesco, are closing 43 stores! One reason is they are being bashed by German giants, Lidl and Aldi! It seems the Brits love a cheap Bratwurst stuck in sauerkraut; Fraulein!
written by unknown
Greece promise not to default!
The new governing party in Greece has promised not to default on its huge debt to the Euro zone and they are willing to pay back the debt with several million portions of Feta cheese!
written by unknown
No Glasses Prescription Windshield Incinerates Crash Test Dummies
Four crash test dummies were killed today when the sun glinted through the myopic prescription experimental windshield. The invention of Sir Halford Dyson acted like a giant magnifying glass.
written by Auntie Jean, 01 January 2015
'You May Also Like Former Chris Christie Official Found Dead'
WTF? Huffington Toast headline writers in need of a reality check!
written by queen mudder, 01 January 2015
Huge Horse Crap Swindle Exposed
14 people have been arrested this morning across the U.S. after a six month long surveillance. The gang are alleged to have sold horse shit to farmers, telling them it would help vegetables to grow.
written by Auntie Jean, 03 January 2015
Miners Obtained For Prince Amdrew - Shock Allegations
False allegations have been made against Prince Amdrew, claiming that a lawyer with a bad record (Gary Glitter's 'leader of the pack') procured 15 coal miners for him to share dirty baths with.
written by Auntie Jean, 03 January 2015
Sofas Used For Illegal Money Laundering
A man and a woman are today helping police with an investigation into money laundering in Scunthorpe. The couple, fishmongers, were using a steam cleaner to wash smelly banknotes in a sofa cushion.
written by Auntie Jean, 03 January 2015
Naked woman gets stuck shimmying down former boyfriend's chimney
Surprisingly it took 20 firemen more than SIX hours to free the lady following hours of situation assessment with remote camcorder.
written by queen mudder, 04 January 2015
Passengers refuse to reboard after AirAsia jet engine explosion
All 200 insist they prefer to fly Steerage on Third World Airlines than so much as set foot inside another AirAsia jet
written by queen mudder, 04 January 2015
Politicians threaten to declassify censored 9/11 reports
Couldn't be a better time to snitch up the Saudis now that oil's tumbled to $50
written by queen mudder, 04 January 2015
Earthquake rattles Santa Clarita Studios, home of NCIS
Probably an omen about 'Ziva David's imminent return', bookies offering 2/1 she left because of secret pregnancy, Gibbs your goose is cooked.
written by queen mudder, 04 January 2015
Oil dips below $50?
Avocado oil-based guacamole still a rip off at anything over $7 a tub and don't get me started on olive oil salad dressing prices, OPEC's got a helluva lot to answer about.
written by queen mudder, 05 January 2015
Lion-hunting cheerleader names hottest male hunter Leonardo di Caprio
The Hollywood actor sure has a thing about wild, feral pussy!
written by queen mudder, 05 January 2015
Boston Marathon bombing trial jury being sworn in
Anyone connected to pressure cooker manufacturing or sales has been barred on account of 'back burner politics' as pre-trial tensions continue to seethe
written by queen mudder, 05 January 2015
Archaeologists locate possible site of Jesus's matrimonial home
Ancient lawyers' repo order found amid the Gethsemane rubble, looks like Herod pulled the Savior's mortgage arrangements
written by queen mudder, 05 January 2015
Naked man broke into mansions, guzzled booze, despoiled hot tub
Forensic investigators say a number of floaters found in abused jacuzzis were all DNA tested and nailed the guy
written by queen mudder, 05 January 2015
Pope Francis names diverse set of new criminals
No, wait, hold that headline! Maybe last word should be 'cardinals'!
written by queen mudder, 05 January 2015
Democrats have enough votes to nod through Keystone Cops pipeline
The new facility would bus in replacement NYPD officers sacked by Bill de Blasio for mooning Hizzoner at recent funeeals
written by queen mudder, 05 January 2015
La Dolce Latte star Anita Egg-Bug is dead
Tributes pore in for the RIP blonde whose movie debut Gorgon Zola was deemed too cheesy for French audiences
written by queen mudder, 11 January 2015
'Nothing unreasonable about cop using stun gun on 76-year-old lawyer?'
Correction! That should read: 'Nothing unreasonable' about cop using stun gun on 76-year-old: lawyer. Glad that's that one cleared up.
written by queen mudder, 11 January 2015
Parents arrested after baby told to put gun in cop's mouth
Darn reality TV shows starting them so young these daze
written by queen mudder, 11 January 2015
Paris deli gunman borrowed Mom's wedding dress for jihadi vid
Long white dress probably didn't go down well in Moscow audiences where cross-dressers of all persuasions have just been banned from driving on mental grounds
written by queen mudder, 11 January 2015
French intelligence stopped tracking Paris terrorist cell last year
Sounds like Inspector Clouseau is back!
written by queen mudder, 11 January 2015
Teacher who had sex with student threatened victim with peanut-flavored donut
Silly cow ended up being charged with a salt
written by queen mudder, 11 January 2015
Paris Hilton hires $100,000 full-time nanny for new pooch Beau
Just goes to show the daft woman is barking mad
written by queen mudder, 11 January 2015
Thousands Phone In After Isle Of Wight Flips Over In High Seas
Thousands of people reported yesterday that the Isle of Wight had capsized. But the Island, which could clearly be seen to be upside down due to freak "mirage-like" conditions, soon righted itself.
written by Auntie Jean, 12 January 2015
Leak Explains Why Obama Wasn't in Paris on Sunday
WashDC-A palace insider revealed that Barack I, Emperor of Americas, had to pay tribute in person to Queen of Sheba-Susan Rice last weekend. The source said: "What Queenie wants, Queenie gets!"
written by Trinculoman, 13 January 2015
Chinese New Year Warning Pamphlets Pushed Through Mailboxes
Chinese New Year February 19th reminder circulars have angered residents in North Korea. The pamphlets say that no curried dog will be available during the "Year of the Goat". Doggone shame or what?
written by Auntie Jean, 14 January 2015
Saturday Football Manager Reports Are Better Insomnia Cure Than Grand Prix Racing
A compilation CD of football managers' droning Saturday soccer match monologues has been demonstrated by U.K. sleep psychologists to be a groundbreaking success in the treatment of insomnia.
written by Auntie Jean, 17 January 2015
McDonald's offers LGBT community the "LGBLT"
Spokesman calls it a lifestyle choice that offers "equality, especially when it comes to mouth watering sandwich flavor!"
written by Jeff Brone, 17 January 2015
University Researchers Recommend Prioritising Popular Medical Students For Flu Jabs
'Vaccination rates would rise if people with large social networks influenced their peers,' said a researcher, 'although the unpopular, friendless losers among medical students would remain at risk.'
written by Swan Morrison, 18 January 2015
Yorkshire Sculpture Deciphered By Prince Charles
A puzzling Yorkshire sculpture by Henry Moore resembling an enormous distorted arse with a naked woman emerging from it, is a woman who is up her own arse, Prince Charles told "Which Sculpture" today.
written by Auntie Jean, 20 January 2015
Miracles Now Banned Under Health And Safety Rules
Miracles, which have been becoming more and more spectacular to compete with X-Box and PS3 graphics have been banned under new E.U. regulations. After 3 lightning deaths, a halt was called yesterday.
written by Auntie Jean, 20 January 2015
Christ On A Bike
Rehearsing for the Easter "Passion Plays" in York, Jesus has been spotted riding a bicycle with a "stage prop" cross on his back this week. "I've put a stone on this Xmas, I've lost 8lbs" he said.
written by Auntie Jean, 20 January 2015
Fox News Again Accused Of Wrongly Claiming That A Major City Is Predominantly Muslim
'OK, we were wrong about Birmingham, England and Paris, France - wherever they are,' said a Fox New spokesman, 'but we stand by our claim about Mecca.'
written by Swan Morrison, 21 January 2015
Hermaphrodite pussy to undergo gender reassignment surgery
Veterinarians will transplant Kitty's six inch whiskers from her bottom to their new home around her snout. Miaoo...
written by queen mudder, 22 January 2015
Atomic scacremongers say we're two minutes closer to doomsday
Annual catastrophe prediction season off to yet another Global Warming frying start.
written by queen mudder, 22 January 2015
Kids' dancing genitals video not 'smutty enough' for Swedes
However turnips and parsnips really loved it, apparently just the right mix of muck and filth.
written by queen mudder, 22 January 2015
Measles outbreak at Disney theme parks, hundreds infested
Emergency respinders demand all visitors to the attraction first wade through a sheep dip to kill off any toxins...you have been warned!
written by queen mudder, 22 January 2015
Georgia High School basketball coach bites another coach's face
Says he accidentally mistook it for a double cheeseburger amid poor visibility during last week's match.
written by queen mudder, 22 January 2015
Drone carrying Mayor De Blasio crashes into parking lot
Correction! That should read '...carrying meth...' and not NYC's clean-living law abiding mayor.
written by queen mudder, 22 January 2015
Giant asteroid to zip past earth this weekend
Yeah, I know, probably cause mayhem in Aquarians' astrology charts - but then that's The Cosmos for you.
written by queen mudder, 22 January 2015
Sick Toad operator gave cash, vacations to celebrate '420' court hears
Absolutely nothing to do with the notorious Silk Road dope peddling website, Your Honor. Completely different case.
written by queen mudder, 22 January 2015
MI5 agents will testify in disguise at NY terror trial
Mostly Richard Nixon masks, Anna Nicole Smith-type breasts and Kim Kardashian butts...
written by queen mudder, 22 January 2015
Captain America test postive for PEDs
When asked how he managed to gain 75 pounds of pure muscle and 5 inches of height in two days, he responded, "Uhh..balanced diet and rest?"
written by Octocorn, 23 January 2015
You Got A Friend
Please do not send James Taylor to Saudi Arabia to sing You Got A Friend at King Abdullah's funeral. Also, nix the idea when King Salman bin Abdul-Al Saud takes the throne.
written by K.C. Bell, 24 January 2015
Obama cuts short India trip and beheads to Saudi after death of King Abdullah
Correction! And HEADS to Saudi after death of the King.....phew.
written by queen mudder, 24 January 2015
Palace Issues Imperial Edict On Israeli Prime Minister
WashDC-Barack I,Emperor of Americas,proclaimed that PM Netanyahu is persona non grata in the US Empire. An unnamed palace source-since hung-leaked that Barack feared stark contrast with Bibi's balls.
written by Trinculoman, 25 January 2015
Scamatology To Buy Showtime, Run Anti-HBO Programming 24/7
Discovering that HBO is airing a documentary about them, Scamatology has purchased Showtime to run anti-HBO programming. Donald Trump also offered to buy Showtime, but Showtime preferred the cult.
written by Al N., 25 January 2015
Cambridge United offer United University challenge!
Giant scalp hunters, Cambridge United, have offered the other United free studies at the famous university in learning social differences don't matter when there's a dodgy, level playing field!
written by unknown
LVG breaks bank!
Man United double Dutch manager, LVG, has broken the bank and offered to swap his team for the heroes of Cambridge United. They refused because playing under LVG is like learning quantum physics!
written by unknown
Man City, Chelsea and Spurs implode!
Several top teams in the EPL imploded Saturday as low level teams plundered their back gardens. Chelsea boss Mourinho explained why; "FA Cup, no good, my rich boys not used to playing Untermenschen!"
written by unknown
Apple make huge profits!
An apple a day obviously keeps the doctor away! The consumers of apples have created huge global profits and consumers are munching daily whilst spitting out "soft-micro maggots"!
written by unknown
Man orders pizza during four hour standoff
That's gotta be the longest 'Your Pizza Delivery Will Be With You In Fifteen Minutes' telephone lie in the history of quattro stagioni
written by queen mudder, 29 January 2015
Suitcase with partially eaten human remains and cornflakes found on San Francisco sidewalk
Cops are on the lookout for a cannibalistic cereal killer
written by queen mudder, 29 January 2015
Irritable General Colon Bowel Syndrome flare-up among Israel-Hezbollah might be over
Colonic Irrigation Regiment sent in to flush out anyone crapping on tentative piss talks
written by queen mudder, 29 January 2015
John Kerry 'fine' for not shoveling sidewalk
Secretary of State Kerry in a whole heap of trouble for curbside mess, gets slapped with court order and giant municipal pooper-scooper, ouch!
written by queen mudder, 30 January 2015
Baboon pilots set new record for time in air
Pilots of a helium-filled baboon flying across the Pacific Ocean have broken all records while filming opening sequence of thr next Planet Of The Apes
written by queen mudder, 30 January 2015
Disgraced NY Speaker Sheldon Silver gave corndogs free rein says New York Toast
Disgusting, eh...
written by queen mudder, 30 January 2015
Dick's Snorting Goods not for sale after all says business insider
Correction! That should read 'Sporting!' Oops.
written by queen mudder, 30 January 2015
Just how depressing are this year's Oscar shorts asks VictoriasSecret Offshoot
Well the answer is that boxers remain kinda gloomy and Why-Fronts continue to affront one and all
written by queen mudder, 30 January 2015
Super Bowl party dish of the day: chilli pork bellies with Colorado Bud sauce
Guaranteed to transfix you to the TV regardless who's playing
written by queen mudder, 30 January 2015
Toronto Voted World's Most Livable City
But does Rob Ford get any thanks or credit...?
written by Michael Egan, 31 January 2015
Jeb Bush is schizoid about marijuana according to Rand Paul
Jailed thousands of Florida dopers while Governor before admitting he's smoked plenty himself since before high school
written by queen mudder, 31 January 2015
Doctor fed up with measles outbreak blames defrocked Brit quack
Andrew Wakefield's contribution to 21st century medicine now includes the latest US pandemic yet Obummercare handouts keep him employed as a practitioner in Texas. Jeez.
written by queen mudder, 31 January 2015
Surprising discovery jogs woman's fading memory
Wakes up with half a gram of coke up her nostrils, suddenly remembers she's a researcher working for Amnesiacs Anonymous
written by queen mudder, 31 January 2015
New Year Honours List includes Mr Kipling
'You don't have to be famous 'to get the Award, 'Just well - loved by the Public, says Spokeswoman. However, 'Sir' Mr Kipling is a Republican.
written by Ella Davide, 01 January 2015
Robbery Foiled By Wanking Tory MP
An attempt by a raider to flee from a post office with cash was foiled when a vigourously wanking Tory, Giles Prat MP Crapington, fell into his path knocking him to the ground. Hooray for the Tories.
written by VWVonHagen, 02 January 2015
New evidence of Climate Change
Rain is getting wetter, say experts
written by Ella Davide, 05 January 2015
Obama's New Bill
Obama has authored a new bill to be presented to the HOUSE today. "Nobody with a vested interest in war is allowed to stand for Congress."
.... Yea... right!
written by Auntie Matter, 06 January 2015
NHS doctor reacts to non- trolley accommodated patient
An A and E patient has been transferred to a bed , on a ward in Barnet , London. Doctors are not equipped to deal with the situation
written by Ella Davide, 08 January 2015
Prince of Wales in Parisien Drug mix- up
The Heir to the Throne couldn't resist showing off his French in a Pigalle Nite club, introducing himself with :'Je suis Charlie'....the Prince was then held at knife point by 3 Cocaine Dealers.
written by Ella Davide, 11 January 2015
A&E Cleaner diagnoses patient
A lack of Medics has led to ancillary staff diagnosing disease. 'They're all very ill', say hospital Charts concerned
written by Ella Davide, 11 January 2015
White Van driver doesn't drive up ass of car in front
Motorway Cops urge the public to report any other such instances, especially Taxi Drivers not performing U - Turns ,Mid road
written by Ella Davide, 12 January 2015
'My Healthy - Eating Night of Hell
Jaggur nearly OD'd on Broccoli - Quiche.
written by Ella Davide, 12 January 2015
UK Ebola nurse no longer 'critical'
UK nurse Pauline Cafferkey showing signs of improvement. Katie Hopkins said to be relieved - "celebrating with crate of Irn Bru and her favourite sweaty socks".
written by Mark James, 12 January 2015
UK Raises Terror Alert
Prime Minister David Cameron has announced that the Terror Rating has been raised to its highest level and that the Channel Tunnel will be filled with concrete within 48 hours.
written by Mark James, 12 January 2015
Crayola sorry after their Facebook page was full of breasts and sex jokes all weekend
They now say they want to draw a line under the embarrassing incident. With a crayon.
written by Simon Saunders, 12 January 2015
James Rodriguez wins FIFA goal of the year award
He beat off competition from ladies footballer Stephanie Roche. FIFA pres. Sepp Blatter says she may have won if she'd been wearing tighter shorts.
written by Simon Saunders, 12 January 2015
Fox News terrorism "expert" says sorry after admitting he didn't do his homework on Birmingham
Steve Emerson had earlier claimed his dog ate it. He considers it extremely unfair he's been ridiculed the planet over instead of getting the usual punishment of detention and 100 lines.
written by Simon Saunders, 12 January 2015
Barack Obama moves to enact fart tax to cut US methane emissions by half
President Barack Obama will unveil a plan to tax flatulent-producing foods in order to cut methane emissions from Americans during his remaining two years in the White House.
written by Moose, 14 January 2015
Pope Francis And Freedom of Speech
In the wake of the Hebdo massacre Pope Francis has come out to 'defend' Freedom of Speech by...er...condemning it.
written by Auntie Matter, 15 January 2015
Astrology is Astronomy without the brains , says Cox
'That's why I'm doin' a Zodiac Column for 'The Maily Dale'.
written by Ella Davide, 16 January 2015
The Sun Drops Page 3
The Sun will no longer feature topless ladies lying about their age on page 3 due to a cultural shift. Instead it will focus on sightings of Hitler and Alien Abductions
written by D Agnew, 20 January 2015
'3 children per family is ideal', says Pope
'I certainly can't afford any more than that', he added
written by Ella Davide, 20 January 2015
Raynair Boss sorry for past rudeness
'Calling them idiots is rude. If you were one of the idiots I referred to, please get in touch', he said
written by Ella Davide, 20 January 2015
Brazil to replace retired Fred with the even more retired Ronaldo. Fred to be painted red & become London bus.
According to sources within the Brazilian FA, new coach (and former coach) Dunga, sees his old team mate as the perfect replacement for the upcoming Copa America.
"Mobility is key." Said Dunga.
written by Simon Saunders, 21 January 2015
Quantitive Easing mistake
Boots UK mistakenly promote ECB Banking measure, as haemorrhoid solution. It's a licence to print money,literally says Sir Digby Jones
written by Ella Davide, 21 January 2015
Arsène Wenger unaffected by Blue Monday
I'm just my normal, glum self, says the Arsenal Manager
written by Ella Davide, 23 January 2015
Obama Wraps Up State of the Union Speech on Skype
President Obama wrapped up his State of the Union speech by Skyping with porn-star, Buster Hymen.
written by Moose, 24 January 2015
Other Babies crawl in Presence of Prince George
Non-Royal Australian Babies naturally grovel towards Prince George- mostly because they can't walk yet
written by Ella Davide, 24 January 2015
UTV Ireland makes over Local News
UTV Ireland has sexed-up Irish News, but viewers still watch the BBC to get non-parochial coverage of World Events
written by Ella Davide, 24 January 2015
