Top American Fears
Clowns didn't make it to top 10 fears. #1 was still "Speaking before a group." After noting that 'Death' was #7, Jay Leno says he guessed that people were more scared of giving a eulogy than of dying.
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
True Facts From Snoops #884
According to Snoops: Several Jews were rounded up in NYC after hearing the news that the Titanic had been sunk by an Iceberg.
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
True Facts From Snoops #884
According to Snoops: A few Cadbury Chocolate Eggs were discovered to have a rabbit fetus inside.
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
True Facts From Snoops #150
According to Snopes: The artificial sweetener aspartame causes baldness in cats. Be sure to read ingredients on cat food.
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
True Facts From Snoops #764
According to Snoops: Betsy Ross also sewed a fake flag with skull & cross bones with motto "That's Right, We're Bad!" on it and shows it first. No one laughs.
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
Arkansas Woman arrested for arson, attempted murder.
Ark. women, tired of husband coming in drunk & going to bed, hides in garage after lighting ten toe hot foot. Waits for shouting but after awhile, only hears firetruck coming to put out house fire.
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
Sometimes they come in two's
Mike Tindall Reveals Name Of Zara Phillips' Baby....."oh god, I'm so excited...permission to exhale please!"
written by Herrdoktorfox, 23 January 2014
Who the F is Man United?
Don't ask Captain Moyes, he's just hit an Iceberg and his Titanic is sinking fast!
written by unknown
STUDY: Texting while walking throws off balance and posture.
Also stepping out into the road in traffic, potholes, manholes, snakes and telephone poles.
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
CRAIGSLIST sperm donor to lesbian couple owes child support.
Hundreds of sperm donors immediately head for Sperm Banks!
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
REPORT: Obama Admin. Worries Israel Is Riling Up the Jews.
Many fear President Obama is coming down with George Bush Disease! He's showing the early signs. Ask him to say 'nuclear'!
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
Professor: California Drought May Be Worst Since 1500s.#2
Native Americans then blamed it on global warming, Columbus bad-luck arrival!
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
Professor: California Drought May Be Worst Since 1500s.
"Oh it's not as bad as all that", says Regis. "But it could be getting closer. You had to be there."
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
MOODY'S downgrades health insurers on Obamacare.
The level of care you will receive will be better than that of Nigeria but below that of Cuba!
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
RESOLUTION: University students demand higher quality toilet paper.
Most support students with all the crap they hear from most College Professors!
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
China's richest man says business much easier with British than Americans.
Better watch out Brits! Before you know it you'll owe them $15 Trillion dollars! Watch the dog food and leaded Paint.
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
Canada Will NOT Take Justin Bieber Back
In an attempt to deport Canadian pop star Justin Bieber after his recent DUI & vandalism, US authorities were thwarted by the Canadian government. "No way are you sending him back here!" spoke Canada.
written by Al N., 23 January 2014
Hingham Weighs Noise Ordinance That Could Technically Ban Loud Conversation
Except while on the cellphones, of course. During sporting events! LOL!
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
REPORT: Canada now more business-friendly than USA.
Many Americans burning business cards, carry anti-US signs, heading for Canada!
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
Salina Gomez Speaks Out
"Seventeen "ranks her as the most powerful woman 21 and younger." But the star says that she's not doing enough for her fans. "I work 17 hrs a day, am creative as i can be. I'm so guilty."
written by Keith Shirey, 23 January 2014
Obama to Partner With GOOGLE for 'First-Ever Presidential Hangout Trip'.
Modern version of Fireside chats to take place live from Denver, Colorado!
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
Ibiza holiday jet in near miss with UFO over Reading
"They were horrible-looking creatures with hair on their heads and multi-colored faces", say most aboard the UFO!
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
Mylie Cyrus To Star In New Role
The producer of a new version of Mary Poppins said today that Mylie was given the part.
written by Keith Shirey, 23 January 2014
Glen Beck Sorry He Almost Destroyed US
Former host said that he helped to tear "fragile" America apart. His psychotherapist said it's a typical statement from one suffering from delusions of grandeur.
written by Keith Shirey, 23 January 2014
STUDY: Omega-3 intake linked to signs of brain aging.
Also those overdoing it starting to grow gills.
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
Jill Abramson: 'Most secretive White House I have ever dealt with'.
"I'm surprised they even talk to each other!"
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
Reality Show Starring Ghetto Welfare Recipients Sparks Controversy.
Welfare recipients say it's a lot worse than TV Show makes it appear! "Those people would be 'Middle Class' in Detroit", says one.
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
'Socialist USA' Blueprint to Be Published.
Country name to change to the United Socialists of America!
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
Obama wants debt ceiling increase AGAIN in February.
That means it will cost his girls and everyone their age to owe $50,000 a year forever.
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
Justin Bieber Jailed in Florida
Judge made him serve the full thirty minutes.
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
GALLUP: Two-Thirds Say Federal Gov't 'Too Big, Powerful'.
"The Man Is Too Big, The Man Is Too Strong" (Dire Straits)
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
Baby born on sled!
Santa Claus offers to have a DNA test. "I'm much too busy and old for that to happen!"
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
True Facts From Snoops #812
According to Snoops: Spanky of the Little Rascals had a sex change and was part of the rock group: Spanky & Our Gang. They had a hit with "Sunday (Nor Spanky) Will Never Be the Same".
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
True Facts From Snoops #767
According to Snoops: Microwaving food in plastic containers adds the compound of the container to the food in the container...but doesn't it taste heavenly? It all becomes one big crap anyway.
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
True Facts From Snoops #775
According to Snoops: French finally admit that a man in drag posed for the Statue of Liberty.
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
True Facts From Snoops #511
According to Snoops: The ingestion of blood pudding increases the risk of coronary disease.
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
U.S. security contractor charged with 'dumping' background checks
Sticking US taxpayers with another payoff. They should be fined double the money they were given by our free-handed Washington.
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
NBC Is Bringing Back Bill Cosby To Do Another Family Sitcom
This time he is playing the great, great grandfather.
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
Olympic security threat: Russian intelligence hunting for "black widow
Also watching out for the Fiddler and the Brown Recluse!
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
Rare Borneo Bay Cat Captured in Stunning Photo
PETA objects to rare animal being stunned!
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
McDonald's sees fewer customers, sales disappoint
"It seems like people just suddenly got tired of our pink slime burgers and lard fries", says one manager.
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
Psychiatric Cure Claimed
Remedy for political impotence (aka: one man,one vote) said to be spoof writing. Critics say it's just the placebo effect.
written by The Ruling Authority, 23 January 2014
True Facts From Snoops #789
According to Snoops: Report: A monkey placed in a cage near a sick child will draw the sickness away from the child and into the monkey.
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
True Facts From Snoops #509
According to Snoops: Several men and women ten feet tall and sporting John Kerry-type heads have been spotted near the Fukushima Plants in Japan.
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
True Facts From Snoops #887
According to Snoops: Eric the Red was the first known Communist in America.
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
True Facts From Snoops #097
According to Snoops: The White House was repainted solid White after the British burned it down in War of 1812. A most difficult job.
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
Japan tells world to stand up to China or face consequences.
"We can easily see all the signs because our own leaders led us there in WWII."
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
U.S. warships on call for Sochi.
Just in case they need to get athletes need to leave in a hurry.
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
Unusual Medical Incident
New England man treated this week for simultaneous frostbite and scalding after holding mug of hot coffee bare-handed in below zero weather.
written by The Ruling Authority, 23 January 2014
HANNITY: I would consider running for office
Says he will attend The Piss-Poor State of the Union address.
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
Drunk Bieber Arrested Drag Racing in South Beach! #3
"He's fast becoming a menace", says officer. "People will change his name to Gerber."
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
Drunk Bieber Arrested Drag Racing in South Beach! #2
"He himself was dressed normally but how he got a dozen old drag queens running down the street, we don't know", say police. "I'd say money."
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
Drunk Bieber Arrested Drag Racing in South Beach!
Police: "He's becoming a threat to people's lives while acting like six-year-old."
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
Arctic owl swoops into DC.
It's Cold!! Sasquatch seen roaming backstreets of New York City. Penguins spotted in Key West!
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
NTA
Intrepid explorer Anton Dec gets emotional at National Television Awards....I know the feeling cobber, I know the feeling...enough to make anyone break down and cry!
written by Herrdoktorfox, 23 January 2014
Swimming in it
A Brighton man has become the first person to swim the entire length of Britain's sewer network. He even swam Buckingham Palace's sewer. His reply when asked why: "No other shit would do it!"
written by whatinthe world, 23 January 2014
Breakthrough in Middle East Talks
Israel agrees not to call the late Arafat, Butt-ugly!
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
Deep Freeze Continues in Northeast U.S.
City warns citizens that tomorrow night to be a another nut number!
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
Lots of Circus Employees lose jobs!
Guidance Counselor Advises Pin Head Boy to Consider Future in hack-proofing Obamacare.
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
Expert: Nostradamus Predicted Don McLean's American Pie
Also, Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start The Fire" plus the Macarena!
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
Yes But What Does It Mean?
Kwanzaa passes Hanakkah and Festivus as least known holiday!
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
Gore Loses Again
Supreme Court Overturns Gore's movie about Global Warming. "He seems to enjoy the spotlight", says Judge Ginsburg.
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
Pentagon eyes 10,000 troops for Afghanistan, or none
White House: Joe Biden to flip a coin. Ex-Afghan fighting soldier: I'll flip Joe Biden! Arrested.
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
As Target fallout continues, incidents of fraud emerge #4
Lady in Nursing home gets bill from travel agency for world trip cost of $25,000.
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
As Target fallout continues, incidents of fraud emerge #3
Man receives bill for $10,000 for tickets he bought for the Super Bowl!
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
As Target fallout continues, incidents of fraud emerge #2
Thirty Year Old female in NYC gets bill for 100 heads of hogs!
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
As Target fallout continues, incidents of fraud emerge
One 85-year-old lady shows her bill for hiring a dozen prostitutes.
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
Iran: We did not agree to dismantle anything!
"No matter how many papers the President waves in the air. Probably reefer papers."
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
True Facts From Snoops #558
According to Snoops: "Big Dog Dog Food" from China has been found to contain a large amount of toilet water in it.
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
True Facts From Snoops #645
According to Snoops: President Richard M. Nixon's middle name was actually "Mulligan" as his dad loved to play golf.
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
True Facts From Snoops #225
According to Snoops: Up to ten stowaways were aboard the Titanic but were picked up later by a French ship off an iceberg.
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
True Facts From Snoops #976
According to Snoops: George Washington through a fit crossing the Potomac River after standing up and falling in the river three times.
written by Bureau, 23 January 2014
