Police conduct second search of Justin Bieber's home for evidence in an egg-throwing vandalism scandal.
Judge threw out the first case after five minutes when proof offered was a carton of eggs found in Bieber's refrigerator.
written by Bureau, 19 January 2014
A new study found that more than 11 million people have quit Facebook in the last three years.
Some adults are taking classes on how to talk to people face to face once again.
written by Bureau, 19 January 2014
Security taking No chances at Super Bowl!
"We have 500-mile security lined up all around game and checking everyone's communications of all kinds every two minutes", say NSA. "Forget about calling mother that weekend."
written by Bureau, 19 January 2014
Country star in Trouble
Trace Adkins was on a country music-themed cruise when he got into a fight with a Trace Adkins impersonator. He left to check himself into rehab and found the same guy there. Now he's really pissed.
written by Bureau, 19 January 2014
A-Rod In Trouble
Yankees A-Rod is suing everybody in baseball, and meanwhile he is terribly out of shape. He can't hold up his head. He's not embarrassed about the doping. His head is just too heavy to hold up.
written by Bureau, 19 January 2014
Marijuana Has Broncos More Relaxed
"Pssssst. Wake Manning up or call a timeout", guard tells center. Hey! I said..."
written by Bureau, 19 January 2014
Denver More Laid Back
After marijuana legalized, Denver Broncos are having trouble getting excited about New England game. "I hope we at least tie", says Manning.
written by Bureau, 19 January 2014
Washington Audience Studded aftr Michelle's 50th Celebration!
"Somewhere in that crowd waited until Michelle got up there and yelled, "I don't know nothing about birthing no babies!"
written by Bureau, 19 January 2014
True Facts From Snoops #169
According to Snoops: While Stephen King sets many of his stories in Maine, he himself is more frightened of Florida Circus Clowns at Barnum & Bailey!
written by Bureau, 19 January 2014
True Facts From Snoops #690
According to Snoops: Joe Radisho of the K.C.Chiefs became the first NFL player to perform an "end zone dance" when he got a wasp down his pants just after crossing the goal line December 1, 1973.
written by Bureau, 19 January 2014
STUDY: Sunlight Lowers Blood Pressure.
Or if you are stuck in the north, put on Jimmy Buffet and bring out the Margaritas.
written by Bureau, 19 January 2014
Cash for Kidneys Stores Opening Everywhere
Usually located near package stores, pot stores and casinos.
written by Bureau, 19 January 2014
Leahy warns government could control American people.
I think it already does, but as Sam Cooke once sang, "A change is gonna come!".
written by Bureau, 19 January 2014
CLAIM: Smoking during pregnancy increases chances of child being gay.
Oh it does not, you big silly thing!
written by Bureau, 19 January 2014
Obama Says Racial Animus Blunts Approval.
Rand Paul: You can't sit on your 'animus maximus' and let hard working people support those who won't work.!
written by Bureau, 19 January 2014
How To Tell The Difference Between Diamond And Cubic Zirconia
The most scientific way to tell the difference of the natural diamond and the man-made imposter is to stomp it as hard as you can! (Warning: Hard stomps call lock your bowels, or so we've heard)
written by Bureau, 19 January 2014
True Facts From Snoops #883
According to Snoops: In the original DC Comics, "The Flash" was first known as "Trenchcoat Man"!
written by Bureau, 19 January 2014
True Facts From Snoops #633
According to Snoops: Fort Knox, Kentucky was once called "Camp Knox" back when it had all the gold we once had.
written by Bureau, 19 January 2014
True Facts From Snoops #600
According to Snoops: A "Doughnut Hole" is actually only a small round piece of dough. Else, why would so many fans of these weigh 300 pounds? You can't trick us!
written by Bureau, 19 January 2014
True Facts From Snoops #540
According to Snoops: Contrary to reports, the 1960s hippies could get violent and beat up a person wearing a ""Free The Indianapolis 500" button because he was spoofing them!
written by Bureau, 19 January 2014
West Virginia water woes continue as tests reveal more contamination
"Nothing to do with us", says Chemical Plant. "We declared bankruptcy Friday. Just keep after FEMA people. They brought us enough for a month. Chemicals could hang on indefinitely."
written by Bureau, 19 January 2014
Judge strikes down photo ID requirement for Pa. voters
But still rejects pencil drawings as he says those could be faked.
written by Bureau, 19 January 2014
Syrian opposition to name delegation for talks
But first they have to have time to see who is still alive or able to attend.
written by Bureau, 19 January 2014
'Brutally cold': Arctic blast returns
"Yet another cold mare's ass coming down from Canada...." begins rookie weather lady in Tennessee, before turning red and fleeing the building.
written by Bureau, 19 January 2014
Senate Intelligence Committee head concerned about possible change in NSA data storage
Head spoke directly from Cryonics Center in Alaska. "Talk to the Head" sign below button.
written by Bureau, 19 January 2014
Coal Miner in West Virginia Find Time Machine
"Skeleton found inside. "Guess he came out in the wrong place", says one miner. "I guess we shouldn't have pushed buttons because it disappeared in a cloud of coal!"
written by Bureau, 19 January 2014
Putin: Russia must cleanse itself of homosexuality
"Then and only then will we begin on other undesirables!"
written by Bureau, 19 January 2014
Late Night Sales Spokesman offers One Amazing Product Free #4
"You get our Melon Juicer plus amazing pie making machine for ticket to Playoff games."
written by Bureau, 19 January 2014
Prostitute from Las vegas Offers Selected Favors for Play-off tickets #3
Small booklet worth $500 in trade plus free air fare from certain small airports.
written by Bureau, 19 January 2014
Foreigner offers to trade secret for playoff tickets.#2
Guy overseas will trade you the secret way to add two inches to your penis.
written by Bureau, 19 January 2014
Doctor offers to trade vasectomy for playoff tickets.
Guy from Denver offering a dozen of fresh rolled 'cigarettes'.
written by Bureau, 19 January 2014
American troops may return to Middle East, East to train Iraqis, Vietnamese.
"It's the only sporting thing to do", says VP Biden. "I think we need to train the Native Americans."
written by Bureau, 19 January 2014
Second Amendment Rewrite
A heavily armed Citizenry, being useful to the paranoia of the Fringe Right, the right of children to keep and bear arms, for the purpose of shooting other children, shall be Sacrosanct.
written by Matt Birkenhauer, 19 January 2014
True Facts From Snoops #149
According to Snoops: It was Rasputin, the Mad Monk, who invented the fruitcake!
written by Bureau, 19 January 2014
True Facts From Snoops #306
According to Snoops: At most supermarkets, you will find that the man in charge is usually a big "Breast Man"!
written by Bureau, 19 January 2014
True Facts From Snoops #768
According to Snoops: Chubby Checker says he has invented a new dance called the Transylvania Twerk using your teeth instead of your tongue!
written by Bureau, 19 January 2014
True Facts From Snoops #922
According to Snoops: The Great White Whale was actually in love from the first time she heard "Thar She Blows!" She kept after him until she got him!
written by Bureau, 19 January 2014
In Keeping Grip on Data Pipeline, Obama Does Little to Reassure Industry
Private industry say they intend to keep their own "tabs" on the US Government.
written by Bureau, 19 January 2014
Madonna Apologizes For Using N-Word.
Michelle, Oprah, Whoopi apologize for using the "S" word!
written by Bureau, 19 January 2014
