It only took this guy 3,118 attempts to get health care
"Don't call us", says Guinness. "We got some over 5,000 already!
written by Bureau, 12 January 2014
Dead chickens being left at NM cemetery
"Somebody has a really, really bad case of warts", says groundskeeper.
written by Bureau, 12 January 2014
'Baywatch' star Pamela Anderson remarries Rick Salomon
"After playing the field for awhile, he's the best so far", says loyal partner. "This is Rick, right?"
written by Bureau, 12 January 2014
Alex Rodriguez's suspension reduced to 162 games!
Yankee star gives sigh of relief. "It could have been for the whole season!
written by Bureau, 12 January 2014
Iran sets start date to reduce uranium stockpile
We have come up with the exact month and day. Now all we are trying to agree upon, is the year!
written by Bureau, 12 January 2014
Inside Colorado: Drug deals go out in the open.
You didn't expect it to stop at Pot now did you? Tourism will soon leave except for incoming potheads.
written by Bureau, 12 January 2014
Obama expected to support new restrictions on NSA
"I have ordered them to remove cameras from behind bathroom mirrors of population."
written by Bureau, 12 January 2014
Longest Suspension for Doping in Baseball History.
Everyone should be tested and given the same penalty. Bonds, Sosa, etc don't belong in Hall of Fame. If any are placed there, then Rose and Shoeless Joe should be also.
written by Bureau, 12 January 2014
Frustration grows days after WV chemical spill.
'We have superheroes flying around till we can't sleep", say residence. Bird Man is the worse, especially on our cars.'
written by Bureau, 12 January 2014
Miley Cyrus Successfully Kept From Attending Golden Globes
Miley Cyrus, who is more often in the news than not in the news, did not attend or perform at the recent Golden Globes. "It was a bitch keeping it from her all that time," a spokesman said.
written by Al N., 12 January 2014
Gotcha'
Migrant backlog will take 24 years to clear.....not if you use real bullets it won't cobber!
written by Herrdoktorfox, 12 January 2014
..........."ladies and gentlemen...please welcome...."
The Mandela Farewell Tour kicks off to worldwide anticipation....good tickets still available from Stubhub.
written by Herrdoktorfox, 12 January 2014
Alex Rodriguez's suspension reduced to 162 games
Yankees pay him ten million dollars to play in play-offs, should they make it this year.
written by Bureau, 12 January 2014
Pope names 19 new cardinals, puts emphasis on poor little robin
Sorry. Must have been hacked. That should say "Pope names 19 new cardinals, puts emphasis on poor!"
written by Bureau, 12 January 2014
N.J. woman finds wrong body in mother's casket
Husband says he's searching everywhere. "Got to make sure she's gone!"
written by Bureau, 12 January 2014
Chili Peppers to play at Super Bowl
They may need them if there's a foot of snow on the field, stands.
written by Bureau, 12 January 2014
Rare rhino hunt permit fetches $350K
Purchaser's funeral a drop in the bucket compared to permit cost.
written by Bureau, 12 January 2014
True Facts From Snoops #088
According to Snoops: The state of Utah was and after a seven-foot tall Ute Indian long before they became known as Native Americans.
written by Bureau, 12 January 2014
South Korea to contribute $867 million for U.S. military forces in 2014
There's an opportunity for jobs for U.S. youth, as military mercenaries!
written by Bureau, 12 January 2014
GOP House targets health care law; 67 Dems join in
Many still cannot tell if they are insured or not. Most say they need to get everyone together and settle it.
written by Bureau, 12 January 2014
'Helicopter Truck' Drone Flies AND Drives.
'Helicopter Tank' Drone now being worked on.
written by Bureau, 12 January 2014
UPDATE: Documents reveal anger, chaos in Christie bridge scandal.
Friends say Christie now eating ten meals a day, out of frustration.
written by Bureau, 12 January 2014
GINGRICH: 'You always have a shadow side to your strengths'.
"I can remember that before losing weight, I had a double shadow."
written by Bureau, 12 January 2014
ANOTHER Clinton inmate sworn in.
Sorry. That should have read: ANOTHER Clinton intimate sworn in.
written by Bureau, 12 January 2014
STUDY: Cellphone 18 times dirtier than public bathrooms.
This is especially true of all the filthy language.
written by Bureau, 12 January 2014
Nevada's biggest casinos lose $1.3 billion in '13.
President, Congress proposes huge bailout if this continues.
written by Bureau, 12 January 2014
PAPER: Bigger the film, the fewer the women.#2
Explanation: The more nude women, the higher the number of males, lower for number of females. This comes as a complete surprise to movie makers.
written by Bureau, 12 January 2014
PAPER: Bigger the film, the fewer the women.
Explanation: Male nerds outnumber female nerds almost two to one!
written by Bureau, 12 January 2014
Attention ALL Shoppers: TARGET says data breach up to "whole bunch" million customers.
Target now says number could be as high as the number of grains on the seashore or stars in the sky!
written by Bureau, 12 January 2014
WIRE: More retailers victims of cyber attacks.#2
Bill's hot boiled peanuts stand beside the road between Maryville and Townsend, Tennessee.
written by Bureau, 12 January 2014
WIRE: More retailers victims of cyber attacks.
One is Uncle Fred's Feed Store and fresh fishing bait in Mississippi!
written by Bureau, 12 January 2014
True Facts From Snoops #211
According to Snoops: After his death, the scar on Al Capone's face disappeared but a second and third chin popped out.
written by Bureau, 12 January 2014
True Facts From Snoops #090
According to Snoops: The old song "Turkey in the straw, turkey in the hay" was written in the early 1800s when the turkey population almost overran the nation.
written by Bureau, 12 January 2014
True Facts From Snoops #818
A year ago today, over 100 teens were arrested for pooping beside passed out drunks in NYC and rolling them over on it. It is now a misdemeanor.
written by Bureau, 12 January 2014
True Facts From Snoops #816
According to Snoops: Contrary to angels earning their wings, every time you hear a bell ring, two men begin knocking the crap out of each other in a boxing ring.
written by Bureau, 12 January 2014
Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld Consider Broadway Debut.
Cast of Seinfeld Show not expected to be in on this one.
written by Bureau, 12 January 2014
Sexy Monkey
A controversial series of books is to be published to teach kids about sexuality. They are about a monkey exploring various types of sexual orientation. The books are titled Bi curious George.
written by Martin Gooseflesh, 12 January 2014
Seattle Seahawks in Finals
The Seattle Seahawks held on during a windy, rainy game against a very good New Orleans team as the game went down to the wire. They thanked the loud roar of the crowd for their home field victory.
written by Bureau, 12 January 2014
Ice, Snow, Blizzards, Floods Everyday Happenings Now!
Gusty winds knocked down trees through northern Georgia and the Carolinas on Saturday as severe storms brought flood warnings, tornado watches and heavy rains.
written by Bureau, 12 January 2014
Singer David Cassidy arrested!
He always was a wild man. He was the ringleader of that family back in the 60's or 70's, Partridge Family! Wasn't Squeaky Fromme from that group?
written by Bureau, 12 January 2014
Man Dressed As 'Woody' From 'TOY STORY' Arrested For Groping Women.
Well, he certainly has the right name for it. Maybe he's a 'dink' pretending to be a 'Woody'.
written by Bureau, 12 January 2014
Attention ALL Shoppers: TARGET says data breach up to 110 million customers
"We may quit counting those stolen soon and switch to those that weren't stolen. It's a lot easier."
written by Bureau, 12 January 2014
New Royal baby's first word is in Welsh
Unaccountably, new Royal baby George Alexander Louis has spoken his first word in Welsh, "gwrthddatgysylltiadaeth", the Welsh Gaelic for Daddy !!!!
written by Auntie Jean, 12 January 2014
