Floods of Tears
I got close to the floods so I could send photos to the media because they asked for pics, but ended up in tears.
written by j.w., 10 January 2014
Into the breach: Target data heist hit up to 110 million victims
Which goes all the way back to Minneapolis, Minnesota in 1902!
written by Bureau, 10 January 2014
True Facts From Snoops #608
According to Snoops: After you die, your stomach keeps growing for at least six months. Which explains all those loud blasts people hear when taking a shortcut through the cemetery at night!
written by Bureau, 10 January 2014
True Facts From Snoops #1177
According to Snoops: The crap from the commode that Elvis was sitting on when he died has sold on eBay for $100,000.
written by Bureau, 10 January 2014
True Facts From Snoops #178
According to Snoops: Buffalo Bill Cody's real name was Bill Bison.
written by Bureau, 10 January 2014
True Facts From Snoops #113
According to Snoops: In some southern states in the USA it is still against the law to call hogs anything but "Suey" & "Pig!"
written by Bureau, 10 January 2014
Producers Attack Critics over naked women on the screen!
"Without naked women on the screen, half of the audience wouldn't show up. I don't care if it's about the Little Engine That Could. You place a naked woman on the caboose!"
written by Bureau, 10 January 2014
Barbie to Become Disney Princess
Barbie announced today that she will be joining the Disney group as their newest princess. She said she was looking forward to sharing clothes and dream houses with the other princesses.
written by Al N., 10 January 2014
NSA To Stop Monitoring Kardashians
The National Security Agency, which has been eavesdropping on American phone conversations since the Bush administration, announced today it would stop monitoring the Kardashians due to stupidity.
written by Al N., 10 January 2014
Jerry Sandusky Wants Pension Back So He Can Buy Candy for the Warden's Kids
Convicted serial child molester Jerry Sandusky tried to get back the Penn State pension he lost when he got sent to the State Pen. He says he would use it to buy candy for the warden's children.
written by Al N., 10 January 2014
Obamacare website contractor dropped
White House says that just because President has been hacked, it doesn't mean anyone else has been. (Yes it does. hee hee).
written by Bureau, 10 January 2014
Target hack worse than thought: Save yourself
Here's how: "When in danger, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout!" That way you will not be responsible because of mental illness!
written by Bureau, 10 January 2014
Ancient Greeks Used Portable Grills at Their Picnics
Go after George Foreman for stealing Greek origins.
written by Bureau, 10 January 2014
Russian Orthodox Church under fire over Stalin calendar
"But he sent so many million people into the next life", they argue.
written by Bureau, 10 January 2014
UK, US were 'malign' force in Iran: Straw
Yep! Every bit of the world's troubles are caused by the U.S. and Britain. Poor Iran just one of it's many victims.
written by Bureau, 10 January 2014
Three-wheel $6,800 car gears for 2015 US launch
Photo looks much like the wooden wagons we used to build to ride in only this one can go up hill also.
written by Bureau, 10 January 2014
Tracking Device Keeps Tabs on Children.#2
Several sent back home for "Moo-ing" in class!
written by Bureau, 10 January 2014
Tracking Device Keeps Tabs on Children.
Just tell them that the ear tag is all the new rage in piercings!
written by Bureau, 10 January 2014
SURVEY: 70% of Adults Suffer From 'Digital Eye Strain'# 2
Degenerate Ice Cream? How can we suffer from degenerate ice cream?
written by Bureau, 10 January 2014
SURVEY: 70% of Adults Suffer From 'Digital Eye Strain'.
"Martha! It says that 70 percent of us suffer from something. I can't make it out!"
written by Bureau, 10 January 2014
Military Channel to Drop 'Military' from Name.
Many predict "Channel" Channel to go off the screen in about a month.
written by Bureau, 10 January 2014
FBI Sending Agents to Help Secure Olympics
Also, 5,000 bomb-sniffing dogs and their trainers.
written by Bureau, 10 January 2014
Russia: Small incident won't hurt Olympics!
After over 100 bombs discovered in locker rooms.
written by Bureau, 10 January 2014
OLYMPICS: Security alert in southern Russia as bodies found in bomb-rigged cars.
Participants around the world receiving anonymous letters, e-mails.
written by Bureau, 10 January 2014
TARGET data breach much broader than initially reported.
Private companies are catching the Governments tactics to release a little evidence at a time! "President's poll numbers were understated last month but only by 10%". (39-10= 29%)
written by Bureau, 10 January 2014
SHOWDOWN: Will 'DUCK DYNASTY' Spoil 'IDOL' Relaunch?
Or is Gilligan's Island rerun going to trump them both?
written by Bureau, 10 January 2014
Knock Out Artist Knocked Out
"It was a complete accident", says arresting cop. "I tried to lower his head when placing him in the car but he jerked."
written by Bureau, 10 January 2014
Transgender Teen Charged With Battery After Fighting Back Against Bullies.
I had to change my sex to do it but it was worth beating the tar out of those bullies!
written by Bureau, 10 January 2014
Teen arrested for videotaped 'knockout' attack on elderly woman.
People who invented the video game "Knock Out An Old Woman" say they had nothing to do with all this.
written by Bureau, 10 January 2014
NAT GEO Announces Live Space Special.
What does it feel like crossing the country in a helium balloon lawn chair?
written by Bureau, 10 January 2014
BOEHNER: Where are the jobs?
White House: We're creating them as fast as possible. Look, we just invented running around each states capitol looking for terrorists!
written by Bureau, 10 January 2014
LENO: 'Now That Christie Is Denying Everything He Sounds Even More Presidential'
"He needs to get in front of a mirror and practice saying, "It's not my fault!"
written by Bureau, 10 January 2014
1,500 people camp out for chance to apply for job.
"Can't depend on the government keeping us on jobless benefits indefinitely", says one. "Although the White House seems determined."
written by Bureau, 10 January 2014
Job growth slumps!
Employment centers tell clients to straighten up.
written by Bureau, 10 January 2014
WSJ: Compared to using IRS against political opponents, closing traffic lanes is jaywalking.
"or being stopped for a tail light out, running a quick changing yellow light, driving 5 MPH over the speed limit... OK OK! We get it!!
written by Bureau, 10 January 2014
People Playing Jokes During Snowstorm
Police advise jokers to quit placing white chalk dogs and cats outside so they would quit getting so many calls about animal cruelty.
written by Bureau, 10 January 2014
Seattle Police: Off-Duty Officers Work Pot Shop Security
Which in turn has increased donut shop sales exponentially.
written by Tony Bagodonutz, 10 January 2014
Scientists: Americans Becoming Weather Wimps
Fat, stupid, weather wimps.
written by Tony Bagodonutz, 10 January 2014
Polar Vortex Proves Global Warming Hoax
The Rev. Danny Dumb-end times hopeful and climate change denier-said that today. When scientists pointed to unusual heat as the basis for the vortex he said "I'm sick of them stating the facts."
written by Keith Shirey, 10 January 2014
I'm Not A Bully Says Chris Christie
He said this at today's news conference. Afterwards a loan woman teacher asked him about his cutting $1B from ed funds. He screamed at her "you're a failure factory worker" as he spit saliva.
written by Keith Shirey, 10 January 2014
2014 Midterm Elections Seem Dim for Sen. Lindsey Graham
SC Senator Lindsey Graham (R)is having a dismal future in 2014 election cycle. His supporters are leaving in droves after it was found out that he was voting Democrat on most bills in the Senate.
written by Heeke, 10 January 2014
Shortage of Velveeta Cheese Blamed on Nancy Pelosi (D)
Kraft admitted to a shortage of Velveeta Cheese products because one of the ingredients is used in Botox. Nancy Pelosi (D) demanded Kraft give her Drs. that ingredient for her Botox injections.
written by Heeke, 10 January 2014
MYSTERY: Dead Cows Wash Up on Beaches.
Many are asking the Police: Is this the work of Jack The Tipper?
written by Bureau, 10 January 2014
REPORT: 74% of U.S. Afghan Casualties Came After Obama Ordered Troops Increased.
What happened to all the protesters, hypocrites?
written by Bureau, 10 January 2014
Security alert in southern Russia as bodies found in bomb-rigged cars.
Winter Olympics may have to cancel if security suspect!
written by Bureau, 10 January 2014
Rodman Asks Kim If They Can Leave Now
Kim says him wants him to watch cartoons brought with him. "We gat everybody on floor and laugh at Bugs Rabbit,"
written by Bureau, 10 January 2014
N. Koreas Kim May be Smarter Than He Looks
Not only can he clap his hands but he can also stamp his feet. Also, Kicked Rodman in the ass. That's pretty high. Rodman can't do a thing. "I wanna go home now,"
written by Bureau, 10 January 2014
Kim Says Rodman Like A Member of the Family
"Of course, I had them all fed to the dogs!" (Claps Hands Again like a trained seal).
written by Bureau, 10 January 2014
