No 'Jack Frost' This December
ABC saysthey will not be showing "Jack Frost Loses His Feet" this year after all the bad publicity last year. "We had him wearing those ski shoes and everything but too many complaints from parents."
There's a global wine shortage #2
But the Whine is at an all time level in almost every country.
Sebelius to questioner: 'Whatever'
Questioner: "You didn't listen. I just asked you if you think all congress and the President and VP should be executed. So that's OK with you?"
GOV'T: Social Security benefits to rise 1.5%.#2
Advised that it should be used carefully. Wait till the first of the year to have fries with that."
Brain Implants Will Connect People To Internet By 2020.
And tell them how to live, what to do, where to go, how to vote.
Putin topples Obama in FORBES power ranking.
Alabama falls to number three!
True Facts From Snoops #449
According to Snoops: The worse call by a baseball umpire was by rookie home plate umpire, Bill Wilson. In his first game he called a pick-off play by the pitcher and first baseman, "Ball One!"
True Facts From Snoops #155
According to Snoops: Although the highest price for a collectible baseball card is the 1919 Honus Wagner, most collecters would rather have the misprinted one-of-a-kind 1956 "Pinky Mantle".
Marine Biologists think they know why whales beach themselves
"Most of us agree that it's the combination of the smell of hot dogs and cotton candy usually near the boardwalk."
Russia's goodie bag gifts 'bugged' G-20 delegates
Putin: We would never do such a thing. Then bursts out laughing!
Moose hunter accidentally shoots man sitting on toilet
"Looked just like a moose to me", hunter with thick eyeglasses tells tree beside policeman in Norway.
5 cannons raised from wreck of Blackship's's Beard
I'm sorry. That should be "4 cannons". We all make mistakes.
Obama surprised by own administration
"How long would have taken them to walk over to a golf course? I blame Bush!"
N.D. woman plans to hand out "fat letters" during Halloween
Also ready to clean up dog poop set on fire, toilet paper in trees, soaped windows, at least one of her bathrooms turned over.
Obamacare: 2 million getting booted from existing plans
Plans already being made for these 2 million uninsured to march on Washington.
Russia denies reports it spied on G-20 delegates
However, the White House says they have proof from our own bugging!
Fisherman Lands Odd Catch in Atlantic
"I knew it was heavy but it gave no fight at all", stated John Doe from Simon Island, Georgia. "But I never expected it to be the head of bin Laden. I threw it back in! That's John D-O-E"
Rare bull triplets born in Arkansas
"We've had quads and quints before but never triplets", stated proud farmer.
Notre Dame QB admits cheating on test
"I was granted an indulgence", he tells reporters.
There's a global wine shortage
There's also a great increase in number of drunks, accidents on the road and an increase of number of sleeping people on benches in NYC parks. "We see them stacked four deep", says NYC cop.
Change the List: The most unequal counties in America
For some reason those who work for a living have a lot more money than those who don't or won't!
True Facts From Snoops #776
According to Snoops: In ancient Ireland it was considered "So Yesterday" to wear green.
True Facts From Snoops #114
According to Snoops: Comic Steve Wright admits he gets a lot of his great punch lines from calling Yogi Berra and chatting once a week.
Will U.S. Stop Spying on Allies?
Washington: "I'll show you mine if you'll show me yours!"
GOV'T: Social Security benefits to rise 1.5%.
Lots of cheering, shots fired into the air, couches moved outdoors and set on fire, plans made for purchasing Corvettes!
PVMSNBC Host: 'Clintons Represent Style of Honesty Public Craves Right Now'#2
Does this mean that the president leaders are all liars?
PMSNBC Host: 'Clintons Represent Style of Honesty Public Craves Right Now'
Yes, Mr. Clinton was very honest and open about affairs with Lewinsky, etc. Hillary dodged hail of invisible bullets in Afghanistan. Of course, lawyers are known for their truthfulness.
Website Crashes as Obamacare Rep Sebelius Speaks
"First, I want everyone to be assured that we will overcome a few small interruptions to...What? It crashed? Again?
Arctic doomsday bunker stores every type of seed mankind relies upon.
Broken into and eaten by penguins.
UN Plans to Fight Asteroids with 'Committee on Peaceful Uses of Outer Space'
Great! The thing will hit while they're calling role attendance.
UK'S Top Court Rules That Hospitals Can Refuse Further Treatment
Patients may have to see docs in other countries that will possibly save their lives.
Obamacare: POLL: 70% of voters want delay.
"At least give us time to try to understand 10% of it."
Bob Barker to Host "Price Is Right" for 90th Birthday
It's a good thing that show is on mid morning.
Paid Arsonist On a Hot Streak
"My career is on fire!"
Legendary Rock Pioneer Lou Reed dies at 71
R.I.P.? Nah, not Lou. Don't mourn. I'm sure he's strolling along, taking a walk on the other wild side.
Jonas Brothers Announce Breakup
They will now join 90's superpop duo "Hanson" in the annuls of who gives a shit?
Australian Court Rules No Workers Comp for Sex Injury
Those workers got f*!cked.
Condoms Should be More Available to Teens, Doctors Say
"Gotta protect those little f*!kers."
NSA chief: European spy reports 'false'
"We have never bugged Liechtenstein!"