Andy Carrol scores rare goal for Liverpool in fa cup
His next target is to hit a barn door.
written by radiogagger, 06 January 2012
Average woman 'gained 4lbs over Christmas'
Except for Katy Perry who shed a full 11 stone human.
written by radiogagger, 06 January 2012
Diane Abbot interrupts tv interview to take phone call from Ed Miliband
Or was it a cross lined with Rupert Murdoch?
written by radiogagger, 06 January 2012
Host of Blockbusters Bob Holness dies.
Rest In P please Bob.
written by radiogagger, 06 January 2012
Liverpool beat Oldham 5-1 in FA Cup 3rd round
They now face New-ham in the 4th round.
written by radiogagger, 06 January 2012
Olympic synchronised swimming tickets are hot!
Synchronised swimming tickets for the London Olympics have been over-sold, now lots of dirty old men in dirty raincoats will just have to watch the athletics instead!
written by unknown
Mexico has the highest bridge in the world and their drug-dealers love it!
Mexico has the highest bridge in the world and the Mexican drug-cartels love it. It's perfect for hanging their rivals over it, headless, or throwing them over it!
written by unknown
Brain function declines at 45!
An over 45 year-old brain becomes a moron because the brain cells diminish. Those younger than 45 and wearing hoodies needn't fear because they have no f++k++g brains!
written by unknown
London gets a free WI FI!
London is to become a WIFI free zone because the Olympics are around the corner and all athletes must have free internet access, especially the Mongolese, but first they must buy a computer; a what?
written by unknown
Ferguson rejects Lampard, he's too young!
Sir Alex Ferguson has refuted all claims that he wants Chelsea's Frank Lampard because he has enough youngsters in his team, he needs another pensioner alongside Giggs not a whippersnapper!
written by unknown
Sat Nav Manufacturers Demand Review Of Lorry Drivers' Brains
'Every time they get stuck in a country lane, or drive off a cliff, they blame us,' said a spokesperson for sat nav manufacturers. 'Who is responsible for driving the f***ing lorries?'
written by Swan Morrison, 06 January 2012
UK men hate their beer-guts but just love their beer!
A survey has proven that men just hate their beer-bellies but just love their beer so having a six-pack is impossible unless it's labelled Guiness!
written by unknown
Santorum Says He Likes His Coffee "Blah"
At a recent campaign stop, GOP presidential candidate Rick Santorum ordered a cup of "blah" coffee. Asked if he always orders his coffee that way, Santorum said he sometimes adds a little bullshit.
written by Mark Garrison, 06 January 2012
Peaches Geldof announces she is pregnant
In an unrelated story Mothercare store on Oxford Street announced they are taking on extra security staff.
written by radiogagger, 06 January 2012
Warning issued over Thatcher film
The BBFC has issued a warning about certain scenes in the Iron Lady, which may be upsetting to miners.
written by The Incredible Sulk, 06 January 2012
Cameron will today launch a fresh £200million drive to get layabout families back into work!
To break the cycle of kids following feckless parents into joblessness.
Charities will get cash if they can teach "Shameless" families the skills they need to find work.
"Wonder who owns the firms?"
written by Inchcock, 06 January 2012
Commuters to feel pinch as rail fares rocket across UK!
So they can join VAT, food, fuel, clothing, unemployment, suicides, heating costs, NHS patients waiting, and MPs expense's limits in rocketing then!
written by Inchcock, 06 January 2012
Nottingham: Over-60s will have to pay library fines
Over-60s will have to pay library fines for overdue books for the first time, revealed Nottingham City Council.
"Being a good few years over 60, how come I had to pay a fine last October?"
written by Inchcock, 06 January 2012
The Calendars Must Have Been Very Pretty
Walmart has just reported that they have completely sold out of Mayan Calendars but added that they still have lots of pretty Aztec and Inca ones.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 January 2012
Lady Gaga Knows Exactly Why Michele Bachmann Lost Big Time In Iowa
Lady Gaga has said that the reason why the people of Iowa did not vote for Michele Bachmann is because they do not like to see a woman with false eyelashes, lots of eyeliner, and Donald Trump hair.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 January 2012
John "Guess Who?" McCain Is Still Around Muttering About Something or Other
John McCain has just endorsed Mitt Romney. John McCain? Wasn't he that white haired old dude who tried to get in Sarah Palin's pants but was caught by his wife Cindy "It's All My Money" McCain?
written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 January 2012
Mexico Will Not Be A Happy Camper Country
The Republic of Mexico has stated that if they are invaded by the United States that Mexico will curtail its U.S. exports of tequila, jumping beans, and auto mechanics.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 January 2012
The Real Reason Why Michele Bachmann Hightailed It Out of The Race
The word is that the real reason why Michele Bachmann dropped out of the GOP presidential race is because President Obama got more write in votes in the GOP Iowa Caucus than she got regular votes.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 January 2012
Rick Santorum - The New Georgraphical Sarah Palin
Rich Santorum who missed winning the Iowa Caucus by just 7 votes remarked to his supporters, "And now it's onward to New Vermont, I mean New South Carolina, I mean, well you know what I mean."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 January 2012
Ron Paul Had A Soft Spot For Michele Bachmann
Ron Paul says that he for one is going to really miss Michele Bachmann's high shrilled "Bushisms," her silly ass hairdo, and that unmistakable smell of Minnesota snow sludge.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 January 2012
John McCain Just Doesn't Want To Offend Anyone
John McCain has just endorsed Rick Santorum. When McCain was told that less than 24 hours ago he endorsed Mitt Romney he paused for a moment and asked, "I did? Oh well those GOPers all look a like."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 January 2012
Doritos Shortage Political Party Solutions
DEMOCRATIC: Declare a Doritos crisis, form committees to perform expensive studies and institute rationing. REPUBLICAN: Buy more corn, increase factory production capacity and make more Doritos!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 06 January 2012
Please Cry Me a River
Democratic liberals support President Obama's unconstitutional appointments that bypass the Senate confirmation process. Wait till there is a Republican president & listen to the liberal crybabies!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 06 January 2012
Surprise Candidate
God got tired of hearing His name quoted by all the Republican presidential candidates in Iowa. He decided to run in all the primaries, since getting His name on the ballots is not a problem!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 06 January 2012
Man Sues Soup Company
The plaintiff's lawyers are asking $1 billion in damages for a man who believed a TV advertisement that eating hot soup was more satisfying than hot women and had a nervous breakdown!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 06 January 2012
The Gold Sellers Made Out Well
CONSUMER: I put all my money in gold bars to protect my assets. MERCHANT: I put all my money in gold bars, so I have nothing to sell you but gold bars!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 06 January 2012
He's the One
Maryland's Democratic governor takes credit for a white whale born at the Baltimore aquarium. He also takes responsibility for the 200 murders in Baltimore city and raising state taxes six times!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 06 January 2012
Tax Dollars at Work
Two agents from the new Consumer Protection Bureau arrested a businessman for selling a 5 cent salted pretzel that did not meet the new salt content regulations for street vendor sold pretzels!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 06 January 2012
Persian Gulf Accidents Happen
Iranian President Ahmadinejad underwent emergency surgery to remove an inadvertently launched US Navy cruise missile from his arse!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 06 January 2012
New Role
DNC Chairman Debbie Wasserman Schultz to play the Scarecrow in a new production of "The Wizard of Oz," after a Republican regains the White House in 2012!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 06 January 2012
