Rugby Union news: England axe Danny Care
Football fans say "er yeah thanks - but we couldn't care less"
Lily Allen reignites Girls Aloud feud on twitter
They should have a seperate social network for all these celebs called bitter.
Bachmann sticks a fork in her campaign 'cause it's done
After Iowa, Michele Bachmann announced that she's sticking a fork in her campaign turkey 'cause it's done. She promised the few supporters remaining that she'd soldier on with messages of intolerance.
written by Lyndon, 04 January 2012
U.S. waits patiently for Taliban to open Qatar office so that they can bomb the bejesus out of it
The Taliban announced that it'll soon open an office in Qatar in order to have a place for peace talks with the U.S. Insiders reveal, though, that the place is toast as soon as an address is released.
written by Lyndon, 04 January 2012
Kiss of life has been banned!
Giving the kiss of life to people dying has been bannned, instead one should give the dying person CPR and then some GBH; ask Vinnie Jones!
Catholic Bishop has 2 children!
A Catholic Bishop has admitted to having 2 children; well at least he isn't gay!
Bachmann quits because her botox was diminishing!
Michele Bachmann has quit the presidential race but not because of her bum result in Iowa. She's quitting because becoming president allowed her no time to attend her botox injection appointments!
Mortgage market sees surprise bounce
Must be all those rubber bricks.
Imogen Thomas says everyone would do what she did
Sleep with Ryan Giggs? Err no thanks,not for me.
Rupert Murdoch declares support for Rick Santorum on twitter
I think he confused Santorum for his 'sanatogan' tablets.
Next Hoping for next Christmas
Clothes retailer Next has had a bad Christmas and is wondering if it will be there next Christmas
written by j.w., 04 January 2012
Seinfeld writer sells new sitcom to NBC
"Its a show about something. Or nothing."
RAC 'outrage' as their credit rating is lowered.
written by pinxit, 04 January 2012
Euro Currency suffering in chocolate variety too!
Its value is falling, debt-ridden and now the euro has suffered a fresh indignity. Sainsbury's, which sells millions each year, is to ditch Euro's and reintroduced choc' Sterling coins.
New Year honours 2012: David Cameron's pals benefit
New Year honours: David Cameron's pals benefit as fatcat Tory party donor and family friend Helena Bonham Carter given awards.
"Well who'd have believed that?"
69 year old Aretha Franklin Gets Engaged.
Grammy-winning recording artist Aretha Franklin was in a joking mood when she announced her engagement today, telling The Associated Press: "No, I'm not pregnant."
Just a little fat.
"Ron Paul has 4,000 babies" during 60/70s
Well someone has to read his newsletters
Blackburn manager Steve Kean has insisted none of his star names is up for sale in January
Star names? Blackburn?
Tottenham playmaker Rafael van der Vaart says he will not be leaving White Hart Lane during the January transfer window
He's too tight too put the heating on at his house, so he will sleep in the club changing rooms.
Vinnie Jones gives advice on how to stay alive in BHF advert
Stop watching his films?
Wendi Deng twitter account revealed as a fake
She's far too busy at her karate classes to tweet.
Kim Kardashian sex tape most searched item on internet in 2011
Well it was on my browser anyway.
Everyone talking about Kim Kardashian 'boots'
Just one letter out for me.
Arab protestor sets fire to himself
Not surprises with energy prices these days.
Jessie J goes NUDE for NEW YEAR!
Don't you wish these snippets came with pictures?
Rumours of Cheryl Cole Late Night Chat show
No word yet on whether it will come with subtitles.
Liverpool decide not to appeal Luis Suarez ban
Instead the scousers have signed his identical twin brother 'Larry' Suarez in the transfer window
Romney wins cliffhanger in Iowa
He now plays Roger Federer in the second round.
David Cameron's plan for minimum price for alcohol
The move is expected to cost drinkers £700million a year, with the tax revenue going to the NHS.
"Going to the NHS? Yea, like I believe that!"
It Was Amazing How The Man Managed To Stay On!
Authorities in Lower Zamgola have outlawed energy drinks after a homeless man drinks seven of them and ends up riding a giraffe all over town for four hours while yelling out "Tarzan ain't shit!"
The Polar Bears Are Not A Very Happy Bunch
Scientists state that Global Warming is really getting bad as evidenced by recent photos showing Polar Bears on the North Pole using sunblock.
Minneapolis Solves Its Unemployment Problem
The city of Minneapolis reports 0 percent unemployment. The mayor says that he simply offered all of the unemployed citizens $10,000 cash if they would move across the river to St. Paul.
The Egg-Laying Hens Had A Feeling of Deja Vu
The recent 4.7 earthquake that hit Arkansas caused thousands of chicken eggs to leave the nest and go back inside the egg laying hens, confusing the chickens all to hell!
Jon Huntsman Kinda Messed Up A Little Bit
GOP candidate Jon Huntsman's campaign manager says he is a afraid that Huntsman may have lost some points when he stated that he tries to pattern himself after Bert of the Muppets.
Michele Bachmann Is Spreading Out The Blame
Michelle Bachmann is blaming the dip in her popularity to computer hackers, Occupy Wall Streeters, Nancy Pelosi, and gay hair stylists.
Gov. Rick Perry One-Upped Gov. Scott Walker
Governor Scott Walker of Wisconsin bragged that his state has more cheese than any state in the nation. Governor Rick Perry replied by saying that Barney the Dinosaur lives in Dallas, Texas.
Jerry Sandusky - The One and Lonely
Bob Dylan has just written a song called "The Ballad of Coach Jerry Sandusky - From Penn State University to Pen State Prison."
Social Issue Politics
A Republican candidate for president claims to be pro-life by trying to have sex with every female voter encountered on the campaign trail!
Third Party Formed
The need for a middle-of-the road politically balanced approach has inspired a third party ticket of Michele Bachmann (R-MN) for President and Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) for Vice President!
Repayment of US Debt to China
In 2013 the new Republican US president plans to direct his secretary of state to declare rabid environmentalists persona non grata and send them to China on a good will trip!
Good Idea, But
A state plans to provide oversight of hospitals performing angioplasty. As appointed officials won't be able to spell angioplasty, heart association calls for cardiologist peer review of regulations!
Republicans in Bipartisan Agreement
Rep. Pelosi (D-CA) asks the US Fish and Wildlife Service to place Obama's Presidency on the endangered species list in 2012!
Their Lights Went Off
A leading environmental organization sues the EPA over the new coal power plant rules being too harsh and demands the requirements be eased!
Appointed Committee to Oversee Appointments
State governor's appointments of unqualified officials, based solely on political contributions, will now be coordinated by a Government Operations & Nefarious Influence Function (GONIF) Committee!
US History Test in 2035
Students who were James K. Polk, Chester A. Arthur, James E. Carter and Barack H. Obama?
Sign Before Reading
Republican presidential candidate Ron Paul suffers from the same disease as Rep. Pelosi (D-CA) and DNC Chairman Debbie Wasserman Schultz. They all are prone to sign documents before reading!
New California Distracting Drivers Law
New 2012 California law mandates that all breast implants (boob jobs) are to be a maximum size of 36 DD or severe fines for distracting motorists will be imposed on the violator.
New California Safety Law
New 2012 San Francisco law allows riding of the Bay Area Rapid Transit (BART) while nude, but prohibits carrying a lit cigarette, cigar or pipe.