White House Mocks Romney's Narrow Win.
"If only we could have gotten even more democrats to vote and really screw it up", says Joe Biden, who apparently is a friend of Obama or something.
written by Bureau, 29 February 2012
Also, Turns Every Other Bill Upside Down!
Thrill-seeking bank teller cashes checks without checking your account to see if you have enough money to cover it.
written by Bureau, 29 February 2012
England 2 Holland 3 (international friendly)
A lot of fans left after 80 minutes with England trailing 2-0, and missed three goals in the final stages. Other England fans went to Amsterdam for a smoke and missed the entire 90(+4) minutes.
written by radiogagger, 29 February 2012
Mayan Superstition
Scientists say that the Mayan 2012 end of the world thing is silly. "If anyone asks you about it, just point to our 'Doomsday Clock'", says spokesman.
written by Bureau, 29 February 2012
Betty White At It Again
Elderly actress Betty White does some more Betty White-type stuff that leaves everyone shaking their heads and smiling.
written by Bureau, 29 February 2012
The Man With The Dented Forehead
Doctors rebuild man's dented forehead using his own body fat. "At least they can't say I've got my head up my arse. It's my arse up my head!"
written by Bureau, 29 February 2012
Sofa shop told: Ditch the rude catchphrase!
Sofa King have been told by Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) to drop their advertising phrase 'Sofa King Low(Prices)' because it sounds like a rude word in the middle! Effing spoilsports!
written by radiogagger, 29 February 2012
Not In Bill Gates Will
Among those things Bill Gates left behind, $389,767.89 in petty cash drawer at office.
written by Bureau, 29 February 2012
Simon Cowell's gameshow Red or Black? could return in scaled-down format
Just called 'Red'. No choosing one or the other, it always lands red. Doesn't encourage gambling on national telly then. Everyone's a winner. Prizes will be maximum £1.75 (payable by postal order)
written by radiogagger, 29 February 2012
Sic Superman On His Butt
Metropolis, Illinois mayor wants an answer from President Obama: "You bailed out everybody else. Why wasn't Metropolis bailed out over whole town being flooded?
written by Bureau, 29 February 2012
6th NYC Teacher Arrested for Groping Student --This Month...
This must be one hot student!
written by Bureau, 29 February 2012
No Free Drinks For You
Lesbian couple gets an apology and free drinks after being booted from Arizona restaurant. However, two drunken men near-by asked to leave after they claimed they were lesbians too.
written by Bureau, 29 February 2012
RIP Davey Jones
David Jones, famous for being in the first manufactured pop band, the Monkees, has died aged 66. He had requested to be buried at sea in his old locker. What? Too soon?
written by IainB, 29 February 2012
Davy Jones "Going Down"
Davy Jones of the Monkees has died of an apparent heart attack at age 66. The singer complained of chest pains this morning while at Pleasant Valley, Fla. Hey Davy, I was a believer too.
written by Bureau, 29 February 2012
To matter or anti-matter that is the question?
Shakespeare should have rephrased his famous line and it should have read, "to matter or anti-matter that is the question?" It would have saved millions of US tax payers money!
written by unknown
A Chip Off The Old Blockhead
New North Korean leader says he will set free all political prisoners and place them in the Phantom Zone.
written by Bureau, 29 February 2012
Berenstain Bears Co-Author Dead
Famed children's book co-author Jan Berenstain dies. "For awhile there, we thought she was just hibernating", says coroner.
written by Bureau, 29 February 2012
Park Violence
Virginia man pleads "No Contest" to beating opponent over the head with a chess board.
written by Bureau, 29 February 2012
Lib Dem MP says Israel 'wont be around forever'
Apparently they're in a patent battle with Apple over the use of 'i' and are going to rebrand as 'Sreal'
written by radiogagger, 29 February 2012
Spoof writer pens his 500th snippet:
I'd like to thank Rupert Murdoch and his papers for providing lots of material - although I'm still waiting for the horse. If Rupert was here I'm sure the custard pies would be on him.
written by radiogagger, 29 February 2012
North Korea to suspend nuclear activities!
In exchange, United States to send food, thousands of cartoon classics.
written by Bureau, 29 February 2012
Relief From Ed. Law Sought
26 states seek relief from education law, according to Teacher's Union. "That's nearly half our states", says spokesperson.
written by Bureau, 29 February 2012
James Murdoch quits News International board.
One down, one to go?
written by radiogagger, 29 February 2012
The Bigger They Are....
Safety Study shows that obese people suffer more injuries in car crashes. It is believed that it is because there is little room for airbag to expand.
written by Bureau, 29 February 2012
Stuart Pearce names Scott Parker as England captain
"It's because we have the same initials. And that's the full SP guv" said Pearce.
written by radiogagger, 29 February 2012
Emperor's Grave Discovered!
Ecuador may have found last Inca emperor, Inca Inca Dink's, tomb.
written by Bureau, 29 February 2012
Scotland Yard lent Rebekah Brooks a police horse
And when it came back it was fit for the knackers yard. Reminds me of a horse I backed at Newmarket last week.
I blame Templegate.
written by radiogagger, 29 February 2012
Australian sues British employer for 'racism'
The barman, sorry office worker, was greeted every morning with 'Gday sport'
Strewth cobber calm down...
written by radiogagger, 29 February 2012
Wales beat England to secure Triple Crown
They now need to find a three headed prince to wear it.
written by radiogagger, 29 February 2012
Margaret Thatcher wins best actress at the Oscars
Organizers were afraid of being handbagged if she went home with an 'empty handbag'
written by radiogagger, 29 February 2012
Oscars: Margaret Thatcher wins Best Actress
That's what happens when you work with a pro like Ronald Raegan.
written by radiogagger, 29 February 2012
9 million households to face fuel poverty
9 million households to face fuel poverty
You could always do what I do - buy a copy of the Conservative 2010 manifesto and burn that.
written by radiogagger, 29 February 2012
Not Senior Leader
U.S. official: Man arrested in Cairo is not senior al-Qaida leader. "Man is more middle-aged than senior", says spokesman.
written by Bureau, 29 February 2012
Don't Like Romney's Take on Entitlement Funds?
Wait an hour, it'll change.
written by Charpa93, 29 February 2012
Republicans Re-thinking Stance on Free Contraceptives
One Senator, currently caught up in a sex scandal, says "Without free contraceptives,I guarantee there would be way more kids running around Washington, D.C."
written by Charpa93, 29 February 2012
Asteroid Headed This Way!
Asteroid Could Hit Earth in 2040! Be sure to clean out and update your asteroid shelter.
written by Bureau, 29 February 2012
Santorum Looks To Women
After losses, Santorum reaches out to women. "Not Bill Clinton style, more like Jimmy Carter", says Santorum.
written by Bureau, 29 February 2012
Blue People Support UK
Many of their neighbors of the Blue families of Kentucky say that the families are some of the biggest supporters of UK's Big Blue basketball team.
written by Bureau, 29 February 2012
Debris Coming In From Tsunami
Japan tsunami debris spreading across Pacific heading toward US west coast. One ship reports that they have seen what might be the remains of Mothra!
written by Bureau, 29 February 2012
Afghan Unrest Continues
Afghanistan unrest stirs worries, but doesn't shake commitment, stubbornness.
written by Bureau, 29 February 2012
UhOh Dad!
After daddy explains about Oscar being in cat heaven and his little girl finally stops crying, Oscar returns from a long trip a week later.
written by Bureau, 29 February 2012
Butch Already Hates Him
Apparently big food fight at middle school today started after new kid asked for scrambled tofu.
written by Bureau, 29 February 2012
After US Accuses NKorea Of Counterfeiting
NKorea accuses US of printing counterfeit NKorean money. US says that it would cost more to print them than they are worth.
written by Bureau, 29 February 2012
Lord Lucan 'may be alive after fleeing to Africa', says brother after 38 years of silence!
28 Feb 12: Lord Lucan, the missing Tory aristocrat accused of murdering his children's nanny, fled Britain and starting a new life in Africa, claims the peer's brother.
"I wouldn't be surprised!"
written by Inchcock, 29 February 2012
EuroMillions winner comes forward to claim £46.5m jackpot!
Fourth UK Winner: Matched all seven numbers to take the jackpot prize of £46,432,285.20.
The winning numbers were 03, 07, 12, 26 & 34 and the lucky stars were 08 and 10.
"Oh, I'm so glad for them!"
written by Inchcock, 29 February 2012
2012: World's shortest man declared in Nepal
A Guinness World Records measured Chandra Bahadur Dangi, declaring the 72-year-old to be 21.5 inches high.
"Good job he doesn't live in Britain, the kids would torment him to death!"
written by Inchcock, 29 February 2012
