Man Proposes to Girlfriend in Penguin Enclosure
A man dressed in a black suit and white shirt proposed to his girlfriend on Valentine's Day in the penguin enclosure of a zoo. The girlfriend is said to have exclaimed: "WOW, A TALKING PENGUIN!"
£400,000 of Taxpayers Money Waste Fears
Over £400,000 of UK taxpayers money has been wasted on buying fig trees to adorn the offices of MPs when it has been well known that MPs do not give a fig. Is it any wonder that the economy is in such bad shape?
Sir Alex Ferguson shows first signs of dementia!
Alex Ferguson has claimed Manchester is closer to Barcelona than Madrid proving he has dementia, because to get to Barcelona or Madrid he's got to go to Amsterdam and that's a million miles away!
written by Jaggedone, 14 February 2012
Sean Penn joins Argentine army!
Sean Penn has promised Cristina Kirchner, Argentinian President, that he will join their army and fight the Brits off of their land. She's half German by the way. History does work in strange ways!
written by Jaggedone, 14 February 2012
Foxy Knoxy's Ex-Boyfriend Is Writing a Book Using Ghostwriter
Rafaelle Sollecito, ex-boyfriend of Amanda Knox is to write his memoirs using a ghostwriter. Let's hope it's not the ghost of Meredith Kercher
Adele to take a five-year break from music
Only fair you give everyone else a chance after winning six out of six Grammys!
Fine for man who mooned the Queen
An aussie barman was today fined £510 for mooning the Queen and Prince Philip when they visited Brisbane in 2011.
He said he just wanted to show them the real 'down under'.
Sir Alex Ferguson: Man United not far off Barca and Real Madrid
Sounds like he's started early on the whiskey today.
£45m EuroMillions winners buy £40 tent
And that was just from the interest.
Cher LLoyd: The X Factor have gagged me
If that's true how comes she's bloody mouthing off in the papers every day?
Drunk York student arrested for 'frying hamster!'
Police made the unwelcome discovery of a fried hamster after being called out to reports of a noisy, drunken party in the city's student apartment.
"Was he training to be a chef or vet?"
Commuters step over unconscious schoolboy to get tram
Oliver Tiplady, 14, was on a tram platform at 8am when he fainted cracking his head. Rather than rushing to help, commuters ignored him, some even stepping over him to board their tram.
For all writers of Valentines Day spoof stories
I know you can't fit a lot of words into the spoof headlines, but I'm not sure that abbreviating Valentines Day to V.D. is working.
written by Roy Turse, 14 February 2012
Non-Prescription Reporting Abuse
Not content with waiting for official cause of Whitney's death, CNN are dealing with the possibilities with overkill.
Why don't you deal with more important things in the News, CNN?
written by Exislanda, 14 February 2012
US Nanny found dead and decomposing 30ft up a tree in Oz, I wonder if it was the gum variety?
written by Herrdoktorfox, 14 February 2012
Abu Qatada released from jail.
Sounds like their making more space for Sun journalists...
Sun journalists angry at management over arrests.
Hope Rupert is bringing Wendi as his personal guard when he flies into London this week, there might be a few more custard pies coming his way...
Moody's issues nine EU states with credit warnings
Negative outlook for Austria, France & UK. Italy, Malta, Portugal, Spain, Slovakia & Slovenia ratings cut. Oh well, if we go down - unlike the captain of the Costa Concordia - we all go down together!
Suzanne Shaw ends marriage to Jason King
The King marriage is dead? Are you Shaw?
Sex Swap Man First to Give Birth in UK
The man, in his 30s, had the child last year, said transgender group, the Beaumont Society.
He is the forth man do so.
"Well I never!"
Expenses Scandal Is Back - as MPs Claims Soar Again!
MPs' expenses £46.7million this year?
Taxpayer-funded bill for MPs' salaries and expenses, & cost of their staff, is expected to reach a total of £166.7million this financial year.
"Well fancy that!"
Murder suspect Barry Morrow found hanged in prison cell!
Morrow, 52, was due to face trial in May over the deaths of Angela Holgate, 54, and Alice Huyton, 75, whose strangled bodies were found at Mrs Holgate's home in Merseyside.
RBS bankers arrested in tax fraud investigation
HMRC says five current and former employees of Edinburgh-based bank were detained in investigation into personal financial affairs.
"Good news at last!"
Minaj tries to tick off more Catholics than Madonna
Nicki Minaj tried to anger more Catholics than Madonna by performing "Roman Holiday" at the Grammys. She was sad to learn that she has 31 more years of performing to catch up to the Material Girl.
written by Lyndon, 14 February 2012
Environmentalists picketed the White House over President Obama's 2013 proposed budget. They felt that thousands of innocent trees were sacrificed for nothing of substance!
Revised Updated Government Warning Label
Women should not consume alcoholic beverages while in the back seat of an automobile. It may impair cognitive abilities & increase the risk of pregnancy unless utilizing Pres. Obama's free condoms.
Updated Government Warning Label
Women should not consume alcoholic beverages while in the back seat of an automobile. It may impair cognitive abilities and increase the risk of pregnancy.
After the Prayer Breakfast
Following his Gospels according to President Obama speech, the president journeyed to Lake Michigan where he walked across the frozen water!
Brave New World
Los Angeles porn stars wearing condoms, people eating soup having orgasms and liberated women taking a stand against dry skin!
Green Political Correctness
The term "rabid environmentalists" is frowned upon, such that all new references to such people and organizations will employ the term "environmental whackos!"
New Direction for PETA
The organization People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) is changing its name to People for the Ethical Treatment of Arseholes (PETA). The group's new focus is the Obama administration!
Maryland's governor has increased his 2013 budget by $1 billion. However, some savings will be achieved by limiting state employees and students to one sheet of toilet paper per potty break!
Each year Americans run into deer on the highways, totaling their automobiles. Such accidents are very expensive, especially if the deer has no collision insurance!
Rabid Environmentalist Lawsuit
The Obama administration is being sued over US Navy testing of SONAR along the West Coast potentially harassing porpoises, dolphins and whales. Obama sends in the SEALs to take care of the lawyers!