Major blow to PM as immigration soars
(sun newspaper headline) I take it their not Tory voters then?
written by radiogagger, 25 February 2012
Wife of Bournemouth's Russian co-owner gives half-time team talk
Bournemouth chairman Eddie Mitchell, told the BBC Mrs Demin is "not very football intelligent… she can't speak a lot of English, she just wished them well" She's now 3rd favourite for the England job
written by radiogagger, 25 February 2012
Jeb Bush considering standing as Republican nominee for President
Really? Another Bush? Hasn't America suffered enough?
written by radiogagger, 25 February 2012
Rebekah Brooks 'was briefed by police on phone-hacking investigation'
Well it was either cooperate or they'd have their phones and emails hacked.
written by radiogagger, 25 February 2012
National Enquirer runs cover picture of Whitney Houston in a coffin
Next weeks issue is tipped to go with a 'splash' of her in the bath...
written by radiogagger, 25 February 2012
Terry Connor appointed Wolves boss for rest of season.
Connor takes over for last 13 games. Unlucky for some. Coincidentally 13 other managers turned the job down, including Bruce, Smith, Curbishly, McDermott and the guy they sacked in the first place.
written by radiogagger, 25 February 2012
Steven Gerrard: I want to captain England
And why not indeed. Good luck to him. In this day and age it's about time we had an England captain on crutches.
written by radiogagger, 25 February 2012
Spurs goalie Brad Friedel: I'll play until I'm 45.
40 year old Spurs goalkeeper Brad Friedel who hasn't missed a match for seven years says he would like to continue playing for 5 more years. Or Fernando Torres's next goal. Whichever is longer.
written by radiogagger, 25 February 2012
Fernando Torres dropped by Spain for a friendly match.
"Don't call us we'll call you Fernando"
written by radiogagger, 25 February 2012
One Step Forward, Three Steps Back
US envoy's 'little bit of progress' in North Korea nuclear talks turns out to be fact that they finally got an interpreter.
written by Bureau, 25 February 2012
100-Year-War #2
Al Qaeda in Iraq warns of looming war with Shiites. Israel: We double dare you!
written by Bureau, 25 February 2012
"He LIKES It!"
China brings supermarket concept, Viagra to North Korea. New leader, Kim Jong-un, clapping like crazy!
written by Bureau, 25 February 2012
Stomach Pumped For An Hour
Cops in East Tennessee on men rushed to hospital after sucking on wrong hose: "The gas thieves apparently mistook septic tank for gas tank."
written by Bureau, 25 February 2012
"He Needs Help!"
California "Politician" arrested for kissing babies. "He's never ran for office", admits wife. "He just has this thing about kissing babies."
written by Bureau, 25 February 2012
Time Subscribers Down 10%
Time's Latino voters cover features non-Latino. Obama-covers #41 & 42 coming up before and after March Madness.
written by Bureau, 25 February 2012
You Hear Me, Punk?
Hilly Valley, Arkansas man apparently tried to shoot himself, blows out a mirror.
written by Bureau, 25 February 2012
Read Too Many Fairy Tales?
5th graders accused of plotting to poison teacher. Use apples placed on her desk daily.
written by Bureau, 25 February 2012
Harrod's advertise 'Four Suits for £5'
It was for a deck of cards!
written by Inchcock, 25 February 2012
The Girl's 'Dress to Kill' night out!
I went on a girls' night out recently.
The invitation said 'dress to kill'.
I went as Rose West.
written by Inchcock, 25 February 2012
US To Lead Way...Backwards
World Bank chief says U.S. should lead some global bodies. "Which ones?", asks Fed Chairman, "We owe most of them a lot of money."
written by Bureau, 25 February 2012
Woods In The Woods
Tiger Woods blows ten stroke lead by shooting a 102 on the final round, a 14 on final hole. Actually, he's still out there in the woods somewhere. Meanwhile two nearby college coeds are also missing.
written by Bureau, 25 February 2012
SEALS: The Answer My Friend!
Navy SEALS admit that they have used "Dylanese" as secret code on several secret raids.
written by Bureau, 25 February 2012
The "Honey" Surcharge
Most US banks now charging 25 cents for every time a teller calls you "Sweetie" or "Honey".
written by Bureau, 25 February 2012
Vegas Lures Tourists
Las Vegas lures families to the strip. Try more cartoon, action characters on the street to pose with for pics, provide toy casino slots.
written by Bureau, 25 February 2012
All We Need Is Love!
Islamists rampage British WWII cemetery in Libya as world HATE meter at all time high!
written by Bureau, 25 February 2012
Listeners Disappointed That They No Longer Feel Loved By Whitney Houston
"Always??" asked one disgruntled fan. "What a crock of shit!"
written by Gregamemnon, 25 February 2012
Goats bleat in different accents, say scientists
Scientists found baby goats can change their calls depending on the group they are in, effectively developing accents
"No kidding?"
written by Inchcock, 25 February 2012
Credit Where Credit's Due
Hollywood couple credits "Staying up drunk for half the night" for long (26 years) and happy marriage.
written by Bureau, 25 February 2012
Obama Offers No Solution To High Gas Prices
President Obama criticized for remark "You might as well bend over and take it like the rest of us" concerning climbing gas prices.
written by Bureau, 25 February 2012
Paul Apologizes
Ron Paul apologizes for his remarks about President Obama's Mother-In-Law during the last debate. "At least the press finally admitted to my existence", he tells The Podunk Press.
written by Bureau, 25 February 2012
Gove's anti-gay gaff
The TUC have accused Michael Gove of failing in the distribution of an anti-gay publication in schools; Gove has assured the union that Bibles will reach schools once he acquires the necessary funding
written by Garry Lee, 25 February 2012
Predicted rise in alcohol misuse by 2015
Alcohol Concern predicts that alcohol misuse will rise to 1.5 million by 2015; patients have been advised to take up overeating and smoking too if they ever want to see the top of an NHS waiting list.
written by Garry Lee, 25 February 2012
No Data On Hybrids
New Consumer Guide reports that over 25 reported bumper stickers have suddenly flamed up on electric cars.
written by Bureau, 25 February 2012
New Waltons: The Early Years In Arkansas
Tonight on the Commercial Channel: Will Sam Boy like it at his first day at college? See what happens tonight on "The Waltons".
written by Bureau, 25 February 2012
Only One In Seven
One in seven Cambridge students 'has sold drugs to help pay their way through university' "As few as that?", asks Unidentified Professor.
written by Bureau, 25 February 2012
Burger King: Didn't Work Out
Burger King pulls out of Government's controversial work experience scheme. The plan was intended to show people on the dole for ten years or longer what it was like to work for a living.
written by Bureau, 25 February 2012
Prince Charles reveals his support for Burnley.
Unlike Charles, at least Burnley have been promoted in the last 30 years.
written by radiogagger, 25 February 2012
Floor Walker Retires
Retired floorwalker in Florida says he plans to "Sit on my ass for the first couple of years."
written by Bureau, 25 February 2012
John Edwards sex tape to be destroyed.
That's John Edwards the former American Presidential candidate. No relation to Jedward the Irish boys from X Factor. But if they made a sex tape, I'd want that destroyed as well.
written by radiogagger, 25 February 2012
John Edwards sex tape to be destroyed.
Well, I guess that leaves Kim Kardashian at the top of the Charts still...
written by radiogagger, 25 February 2012
Murdoch confirms 50p cover price for Sun on Sunday
With Katie Price as 'star' columnist.
The Price is 'not' right.
written by radiogagger, 25 February 2012
Restaurant's Dirty Tricks
Rumor: Local Hardees to sue local McDonalds near retirement village over having their workers come over to Hardees for lunch. "They come in here just to confuse these people", says Hardees manager.
written by Bureau, 25 February 2012
Curse Of The Ugly Stick?
Really ugly couple have beautiful baby. "I'd sue George for messing around but he was a beautiful baby too", says Alice. "It'll change at around three years old. Look at that cauliflower ear."
written by Bureau, 25 February 2012
Pint of beer just 40p in 1977 Jubilee
You wont even get a squirt of beer now for 40p in 2012.
written by radiogagger, 25 February 2012
Cheetah Still Alive?
Zoo authorities now say that "Cheetah" from the old Tarzan movies did not die last year. "It was his stand-in", says Zoo spokesman.
written by Bureau, 25 February 2012
Pythons In The Everglades
Are pythons overrunning the Everglades? Some experts now say no. Others are still missing.
written by Bureau, 25 February 2012
Well known 'Writer' Katie Price to have column in 'Sun on Sunday'
Better get to the newsagents early guys, that queue is sure to be round the corner.
written by radiogagger, 25 February 2012
Latest On Wall Street
Wal-Mart inks deal for first L.A. Neighborhood Market! Stock in "Mom & Pop Stores" drops 10% immediately.
written by Bureau, 25 February 2012
To Each His Own
Santorum sees Tuesday's Michigan vote as winnable, while Gingrich sees it as whine-able.
written by Bureau, 25 February 2012
Obama: No magic bullet to lower gas prices!
Except maybe, quit vetoing new pipeline, digging new wells and building new nuclear energy plants.
written by Bureau, 25 February 2012
Iran Attack Results
Israeli attack on Iran might pull US, one hundred other countries, into new war!
written by Bureau, 25 February 2012
Gas Prices Hit Hard
Oil prices could hit high of "customers right between the legs' this summer, say economists.
written by Bureau, 25 February 2012
