Polish WWI Veteran, Aged 112, Promoted to Captain
After serving 90 years as a First Lieutenant!
written by Bureau, 24 February 2012
Commuters Urged To Form Human National Water Grid
'800,000 UK workers travel 30 miles or more to work, daily,' said an environment spokesman. 'If each took a pint of water from their wettest to their driest destination, the drought would be solved.'
written by Swan Morrison, 24 February 2012
College Students Learn A lot Early On
Many educators say that college students learn little the first 2 years. "Not true" they say. "We learn where we can get the cheapest beer, fake ID's and how much it costs to write our term papers."
written by Bureau, 24 February 2012
Clean Getaway
Boston Police officer declares that man they suspected of sniffing bath salts. "This is where he lives, so as far as I'm concerned, he's clean."
written by Bureau, 24 February 2012
Mexican President Visits White House
President Obama has announced that the President of Mexico will arrive later this week and take charge of the country until he finishes his next 3-week vacation.
written by Bureau, 24 February 2012
No Snake Handlers
Rick Santorum tells reporters that his church does not handle snakes. "Then how are you going to handle the liberal media", one asks.
written by Bureau, 24 February 2012
Obama: Nothing Is My Fault
Obama defends his energy policy in Florida speech, after coming under fire for high gas prices. "It's not my fault." Then gets out billfold and begins passing the bucks.
written by Bureau, 24 February 2012
Franks Carson Died watching favourite Police Drama on DVD
Apparently it starred Robbie Coltrane
written by I think I'm funny..., 24 February 2012
Tea Party Wants Cuts In Spending
Tea Party clamoring for debt-ridden government to slash spending say nothing should be off limits, including Air Force One, flying commercial first class. "Wearing a Groucho mask, who would know him?"
written by Bureau, 24 February 2012
RI Man Admits Mislabeling Vt. Maple Syrup
"Now who's going to buy 'Rhode Island Syrup'?, he asks judge. "Who knew sugar mixture would act like a laxative?"
written by Bureau, 24 February 2012
Should Be Sober For Tattoos
Badly hungover man who wanted girlfriend to see his new tattoo "Barbara Forever" surprised to see "Bieber Fever" on his arm, laughed out of her house.
written by Bureau, 24 February 2012
FDA Warning
FDA warns customers that cheap placebos bought from SKorea, Taiwan may be fakes.
written by Bureau, 24 February 2012
Hulk Makes Resolutions
The Hulk promises himself that he will quit watching late night TV with the LOUD ads. Either that or take out the TV next time he goes into a rage.
written by Bureau, 24 February 2012
Still, It's A Good One!
Soap Opera re-using plot of twenty years ago with new characters. So far, no ones caught on.
written by Bureau, 24 February 2012
Could Be!
Cops probing missing South Carolina exec focus on up to $900G in missing funds. "We think there could be a connection..yep yep yep", says Captain.
written by Bureau, 24 February 2012
Rooting For Bad News
Obama: Opponents are rooting for bad news on gas prices. I know, that's what we did in 2008!
written by Bureau, 24 February 2012
Sexy Italian coffee barmaid lets her gorgeous "cocoa beans" hang out!
Italian, Laura Maggi, sexy coffee barmaid, has got the local women in outrage because not only does she serve the best cappuccino in the area, she also likes to swing her tasty "cocoa beans" too!
written by unknown
Libraries Hosting Heroes
Libraries hosting Civil War heroes program. Many asking Larry King to come and talk about his youth.
written by Bureau, 24 February 2012
Trial To Be a Stinker
Gulf oil spill trial -- Let the finger pointing, finger pulling begin!
written by Bureau, 24 February 2012
Denied By LDS Leader
Claim surfaces of Anne Frank, Charles Darwin, Prester John baptisms by Mormons
written by Bureau, 24 February 2012
Rowling Writes Adult Novel
J.K. Rowling has deal for new novel for adults. Hugh Hefner says he is purchasing serial rights for magazine.
written by Bureau, 24 February 2012
Some Progress In NKorea
US envoy sees bit of progress in NKorea nuke talks. "At least we've got that new leader to quit clapping", says spokesman.
written by Bureau, 24 February 2012
Castro Has Captive Audience
US senators meet Cuba's Castro about contractor. Castro wants to talk first. "Then you can have the ninth hour."
written by Bureau, 24 February 2012
Then We Take Iraq Again
Nervously, world powers eye greater Somalia, Syria, Iran action.
written by Bureau, 24 February 2012
Worked For Awhille
Wave of attacks in Iraq ends over three hours of complete calm!
written by Bureau, 24 February 2012
Pakastan Leader: "Same Here"
Obama sends letter of apology to Afghan president. President says he could still see "President of Iraq" erased below "Afghan".
written by Bureau, 24 February 2012
Streets Of London
Hundreds of homeless 'illegal immigrants' sleeping on the streets of London screams press,tut, tut! Meanwhile, thousands of UK pensioners freezing to death due to punitive power charges...snap!!
written by Herrdoktorfox, 24 February 2012
Whale Of A Meal
Rare whale caught on film for first time...in building behind Japanese restaurant.
written by Bureau, 24 February 2012
Soon As They Can
Pakistan, urges Afghan, Taliban, to "enter peace talks, Man!"
written by Bureau, 24 February 2012
Air Force 1 Costs Skyrocket to $179,500 Per Hour.
That's more money than Peyton Manning got for not playing football this past season!
written by Bureau, 24 February 2012
America's Per Capita Government Debt Worse Than Greece.
Asks for quiet conference with members of the EU.
written by Bureau, 24 February 2012
Dad On Welfare 20 Years?
COPS: Dad hits son for not paying attention to Obama speech. Son cries that he's heard it a dozen times before.
written by Bureau, 24 February 2012
Presidential Candidate Candidate "Robbed"
Egypt presidential candidate wounded in 'robbery'. "Robbery? The only thing he tried to steal was my bid for becoming president", says victim.
written by Bureau, 24 February 2012
That time of the moth
A giant moth has invaded Milton Keynes terrifying local residents who haven't been so scared since Boy George performed at an outdoor gig years ago. The moth is said to be seeking unwanted attention.
written by whatinthe world, 24 February 2012
Kevin having another go
Former Australian PM Kevin Rudd is challenging for his old job. However Dick Turd refuses to relinquish presidency of the Canberra Sewers and Drains Society. Kevin is said to have the shits. Good one!
written by whatinthe world, 24 February 2012
Future aircraft will be piloted by a man and a dog!
The man is there to feed the dog, and the dog is there to keep the man from touching the controls!
written by Inchcock, 24 February 2012
Fan could not get tickets for the Elvis tribute show!
Albert Entwistle was trying to get tickets to see the Elvis tribute band, but when he phone it keeps saying:
"Press 1 for the money 2 for the show..."
written by Inchcock, 24 February 2012
Toronto Sportscaster Fired for Derogatory Italian Comment
Johnny Canuck, broadcasting a Toronto Raptor basketball game, said, "No day goes by I don't think Andrea Bagnani is the reason the Raptors are the real deal."
written by JAB, 24 February 2012
They Never Learn From History
Organic nuts pretend that raw milk is healthy, while it continues to sicken people via E. coli and Salmonella. Now they want to raise chickens in their apartments, e.g. more E. coli in chicken crap!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 24 February 2012
President Obama's Gasoline Price Increase Speech
The president said it's not my fault we're not drilling, promising to have the DOE bureaucrats develop a $4 billion "green" wand that turns the DOI and EPA bureaucrats into frogs by 2015!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 24 February 2012
Creative Accounting
Gov. O'Malley (D-MD) has stated that he has saved Maryland taxpayers nearly $8 billion since being in office, yet his state budgets go up over one billion dollars each fiscal year!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 24 February 2012
State Rape
Gov. McDonnell (R-VA) withdrew the requirement that women seeking an abortion must undergo an invasive transvaginal sonogram. The bill's female sponsor had suggested the probe be shaped like a penis!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 24 February 2012
President Obama's Apology Letters
President Obama has sent a blank, but signed apology letter to each of the world's 193 countries. Any foreign head of state can fill in what they want the US to apologize for, without bothering Obama!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 24 February 2012
Boomers Safe On Roads?
Are American roads ready for aging Baby Boomers? Sure, says spokesman. With $6 a gallon gas prices, how many can afford to go very far?
written by Bureau, 24 February 2012
Rare Whale Caught
Rare whale caught on film for first time. Greenpeace demands that it be set free!
written by Bureau, 24 February 2012
