New Sneeze Guard Installed
At the Capitol Hill Congressional cafeteria today, the first double-ply sneeze guard was revealed. Apparently an ordinary sneeze guard is no match for day after day of blocking blowhards!
written by Bureau, 21 February 2012
Adele mannequins in short supply
A company that manufactures mannequins with the more shapely curves of Adele, is not able to keep up with demand because they are having to contend with a shortage of plastic.
written by IN SEINE, 21 February 2012
Lack Of Security, Says Mayor
Firebug arrested in Little Rock, Arkansas yesterday but escapes late last night after jailhouse burns to the ground. Sheriff Joe Ben Addled hot-footed during ABC interview suddenly beeped off the air.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2012
Youth Becomes The First Ever!
A 5-year-old boy, one Robert Pampos of Nashville, Tn., has become the first kid to break the sound barrier. This was accomplished when his mother passed up the Sugar Lump Cereal section at Wal-Mart!
written by Bureau, 21 February 2012
Cat The Center Of Family Problems
Family blames family cat for everything! "You should have been home two hours ago, young lady! Who do you think you are, that cat?"
written by Bureau, 21 February 2012
Rising Med Costs Maddening To Seniors!
U.S. seniors tear down wall, barbed wire and tiptoe through mine field between U.S. & Mexico to obtain lower cost medicine...younger brides.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2012
Famous Last Words
Arizona teacher at school insists that Hispanic student tell them all that "There's a tornado coming! I can see it from my desk" in English. "Also, drop the cuss-words."
written by Bureau, 21 February 2012
Saudis Make The First Move
In step to thaw diplomatic relations, Saudi Arabia names ambassador to Iraq. Iraq responds with, "We have a few names for him, ourselves."
written by Bureau, 21 February 2012
Gramps Not Afraid Of Gangs
81-year-old Grandfather in Los Angeles says he's not afraid of the gangs in his neighborhood. He told ABC today that, since his pants are now three times too big for him, they think he's one of them.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2012
Rough Winter Storm Leaves South
Winter storm snarls South, heads out to sea just a snapping and a nipping!
written by Bureau, 21 February 2012
Greek financial crisis deepens
Acropolis to be sold and converted into Premier Inn.
written by dulcie gabbani, 21 February 2012
Maya Angelou's Note to Self
"Whatever you do, don't respond to another idiot interviewer about me predicting 2012 as the end of the world."
written by Bureau, 21 February 2012
Thought It Was Stuck
Book on Sharon Tate slaying has rare recordings. One has Charles Manson singing "Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone" with 487 "I know's" in the middle of the song.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2012
Drunk Has Strange Experience
Drunk in Davies County, Tennessee survives to tell hospital staff about a vision he had of a tunnel and a light coming towards him.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2012
Obama Has A Lot Of Brains
Rick Santorum claims that President Obama supporters are smuggling brains into New Orleans to get ready for the Zombie vote.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2012
Ex-Haitian Drug Lord Could Get Sentence Cut
He won't even have to wear a bracelet or leg band. In Haiti, you simply have to leave a doll of your image at police headquarters.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2012
UK 7 year-old accused of being a racist!
At school a white UK 7 year-old asked his mate if he came from Africa, a teacher overheard the question, accused him of being a racist, banned him from school and now the boy has joined the KKK!
written by unknown
Georgia Commuter Bus Driver Stabbed With Pen
George W. Whitaker tells reporters that he had left his sword in his car. "Of course, what good is a sword against one of those things?"
written by Bureau, 21 February 2012
4.0 Earthquake Hits New Madrid Area
4.0 earthquake in Missouri shakes 9 states. Some damage in Illinois. Several improvements in Kentucky & Tennessee as old cars fall off blocks & finally sold as scrap metal.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2012
John Glenn Anniversary
Astronaut Glenn calls historic flight "best day" of his life. "Although, several times during the flight, I thought it was the LAST day of my life."
written by Bureau, 21 February 2012
Prison Reform Group Also Protesting
Hundreds of anti-Wall Street demonstrators and prison reform activists who joined forces outside the gates of a prison in San Quentin, told "Come on inside and we'll talk this over."
written by Bureau, 21 February 2012
Mardi Gras Underway!
Mardi Gras revelry takes over New Orleans. However, ever since Katrina, very few floats!
written by Bureau, 21 February 2012
ASEAN Poll Observers Still Waiting
Myanmar says will consider ASEAN poll observers. However, Burma still not sure.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2012
Afghan Protestors Anthem
Afghans protest over reported Koran desecration at U.S. base. Many singing old Who song, "Talkin' 'Bout My Desecration" during protests!
written by Bureau, 21 February 2012
Customers Not Too Excited
First test-tube hamburgers ready this fall, say researchers. Predict that burgers will climb at least ten cents each to pay for the test tube.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2012
Dirty Politics?
Republican presidential battle could get messy warns Newt the Poot!
written by Bureau, 21 February 2012
Who Was That Gal?
East Tennessee man, making his monthly trip to the grocery, asks clerk who was that Whitney person from Houston that everybody was mourning?
written by Bureau, 21 February 2012
Another Tribute
Meanwhile, at Disneyland yesterday, the Dancing Bears did a tribute to the late singer, Whitney Houston.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2012
Latest On Metal Thieves
Thieves swiping brass knockers off doors. Many males fear that 'brass monkeys' are next.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2012
Obama Income Down
Obama group raises just $59K in January...and that was for his Al Green imitation.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2012
Wife claims Lord Lucan 'did not flee abroad'
"Your confusing him with 'canoe man' John Darwin" *
* Darwin faked his death in 2002 and was living in Panama until 2007 when he walked into a London police station claiming he had lost his memory
written by radiogagger, 21 February 2012
Sarah Palin: an illuminati plant?
Let's face it, she came from nowhere (well Canada really) and she believes that HM Queen Elizabeth controls the Army. Now the truth is in plain sight!
written by IN SEINE, 21 February 2012
Iran Really, Really Unpredictable!
Iran threatens pre-emptive action. May attack their own nuclear facilities, sink their ships in Gulf.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2012
Especially Slick Around Drive-Through
Driver who ran vehicle into KFC restaurant claims that he hit the slick spot that surrounds the restaurant for thirty feet.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2012
Bailout Helps
EU agrees to $172 billion bailout for Greece. "That should help us until May", says grateful country.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2012
Obama Motto Downgraded From 2008
This time around, Obama 'peddles modest American dream'. "Yes We Do What We Can!" his new motto.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2012
Hillary Goes Green
Didn't get the memo? Hillary Clinton dons lime green shirt for G20 'family photo' while everyone else wears white. "Even her face took on a green shade", says photographer.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2012
BBC Weather Forecasts to Be Aired after the 9 O'clock Watershed
To be on the safe side, BBC weather forecasts which feature Alex Deakin are to be broadcast after the nine o'clock watershed… JUST IN CASE!
written by IN SEINE, 21 February 2012
Footballs Managerial Merry Go Round (Part 1)
QPR sack Neil Warnock, appoint Mark Hughes.
Leeds sack Simon Grayson appoint Warnock.
Huddersfield sack Lee Clark, appoint Grayson.
Wolves sack Mick McCarthy, appoint... By my logic Lee Clark??
written by radiogagger, 21 February 2012
Alex Deakin, BBC Weather Forecaster Uses C Word
Weatherman Alex Deakin was left red-faced today after using the most unacceptable C word in the English dictionary. Inseine News is reliably informed that the word he used was "CLOUDY".
written by IN SEINE, 21 February 2012
Spoof Verses Twitter ?
As Spoof attacked Twitter like Mimi and her Queen friends face off Drew Carey&Buzz Beers Rocky Horror Space Warp with Shake your Groove thing in the streets of Toledo,Ohio broke this reporters pencil?
written by mancalledhorsemanure, 21 February 2012
Spoof eats it's words on National Flap Jack Day ?
I had to stick up for the Stars & Stripes today after attacking my Twitter Tweets with an invasion of Satire over the USDOJ not supporting same sex marriages?So on flap jack day I Flipped Spoof over?
written by mancalledhorsemanure, 21 February 2012
To Spoof or not to Spoof ?
When I allowed to Spoof to Tweet with me on Twitter like Casper the friendly ghost his fellow ghost would rather Spook as Spoof would rather Spoof-Spook the human man ?But with my other webs no Spoof?
written by mancalledhorsemanure, 21 February 2012
Jazz FM in funk after gay porn gaffe
Well if that don't increase the listening figures nothing will..
written by radiogagger, 21 February 2012
Drogba: 'No player revolt at Chelsea'
Just revolting football at the moment.
written by radiogagger, 21 February 2012
Dominic Strauss Khan questioned over Paris prostitution ring
"You've got me confused with Berlusconi" he pleads...
written by radiogagger, 21 February 2012
Rihanna replies 'thanks' to Chris Brown birthday tweet
You think when Brown beat her up three years ago it had a lasting effect on her brain?
written by radiogagger, 21 February 2012
50% of workers think they can do better than their boss
Nick Clegg has so far refused to comment on the results of this survey.
written by radiogagger, 21 February 2012
John Motson Stricken By Tourette's Syndrome
Oh no, he's hit the fucking post the ****! said the popular football commentator last night.
written by Danny Soz, 21 February 2012
Entry-Level NASA Employee Leaks: Space is Made Up
Lower-level Nasa employee has written an anonymous letter to TheSpoof indicating that while all this time we believed in space, it does not actually exist.
written by Caleb Betton, 21 February 2012
Gordon Brown's £1.4m bonanza His cash since leaving No10
Gordon Brown has earned £1.4m since leaving Number 10!
The huge sum includes £63,000 from a Chinese investment firm and £50,000 from the Saudi royal family.
"I'm overjoyed for him!"
written by Inchcock, 21 February 2012
William Hague: The world faces the of risk of conflict if Iran has nuclear weapons!
Earth shattering wise statement from William Hague!
written by Inchcock, 21 February 2012
It's All Natural
Amish finally agree to place glow-in-the-dark Pissing Calvins on the back of their buggies.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2012
Treasury Changes Coming
In order to save billions of dollars over the next ten years, the U.S. Treasury announced today that all nickels will be made out of recycled plastic and pennies out of plywood, beginning in 2013.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2012
Laws For Jaws
Experts now say that if you're splashing in the water, you may not be able to hear the building music as a shark approaches.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2012
Dylan Gives Endorsement
Newt Gingrich picked up an endorsement from Bob Dylan. Either Newt Gingrich or Barack Obama. They sound a lot alike when you hear Dylan's endorsement. We've played it back five times.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2012
The Big Baby
A 13 & ahlf pound baby has been born in Cookeville, Tennessee. This is the biggest baby in Tennessee since Al Gore in 2000.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2012
Ron Paul Update
Presidential candidate Ron Paul says he is not too old to serve as President. But just in case, he will name his son, Rand Paul Jung IL as his running mate.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2012
Mitt Has Fit
Mitt Romney says he is not an insider of Washington. He once lived in the mean streets of Temple Square in Utah!
written by Bureau, 21 February 2012
