Ozone Police Report Trouble
The Ozone Police say they have arrested a gang of teens that were holding a secret farting contest in Clarksville, Tennessee last night. Police credit fart-sniffing dog, "Snuffles" for his help.
written by Bureau, 17 February 2012
Like? Dislike?
GOP Presidential Candidate Mitt Romney and Donald Trump are now friends on Facebook!
written by Bureau, 17 February 2012
Food Police In W. Va.!
Food police replace another homemade lunch, this time in West Virginia. "Old Teach just wanted my Mountain Oysters", stated 19-year-old Seventh Grader.
written by Bureau, 17 February 2012
Breakdown in Cameron-Salmond Talks
Discussions between the Prime and First Ministers have broken down over the subject of Scotland's rights were it to split from the Union. "Neither party wanted Berwick-upon-Tweed." said a spokesman.
written by poio27, 17 February 2012
Rosanne Barr For President
Rosanne Barr has decided to run for President under the "New Ass" Party. "I'm out to reach the cellulite crowd", she tells reporters.
written by Bureau, 17 February 2012
UFO Crash In Arkansas
UFO Explodes And Crashes In Arkansas!."We'll get those jaspers", proclaims county sheriff. "They can't hide because all us regular Arkansas people look alike."
written by Bureau, 17 February 2012
US Troop Withdrawals!
President Obama stated today that he will soon be withdrawing US troops out of Afghanistan as well as Iraq. "They have been there several years, but those in Korea & Germany have waited a long time."
written by Bureau, 17 February 2012
Murdoch says arrested Sun journalists can return to work
As long as they don't sell their story to the Sunday Mirror.
written by radiogagger, 17 February 2012
Tesco advertise night shift job for 'expenses' only
Well, at least be thankful for the expenses - you know what they say - every little helps...
written by radiogagger, 17 February 2012
Paul/Gingrich In Agreement?
Ron Paul: "Why can't we put into our bodies whatever we want?" "And as much as we want", counters Newt Gingrich, as he holds up a pork chop!
written by Bureau, 17 February 2012
Parents Are Swingers
Girl, 15, finds out parents are swingers when she turns on TV and sees mother in cage and father as Batman in sex show. "No wonder they named me Robin", says tearful teen.
written by Bureau, 17 February 2012
Rangers chairman explains 'unaccounted money'
"We bought Carlos Tevez for £24 million but he never turned up!"
written by radiogagger, 17 February 2012
Sun on Sunday to launch 'very soon'
You know, probably on a sunday.
written by radiogagger, 17 February 2012
Don't Do Drugs!
'Don't do drugs!' Man with half a head explains how he got bizarre injury after crashing car while stoned. 'I've half a mind to show my other injuries!'
written by Bureau, 17 February 2012
Iranian in Thai Bombing to Plead Guilty
The lawyer for the 28-year-old Iranian Saeid Moradi, whose legs were blown off, after hurling a bomb at Thai police, said, "He hasn't got a leg to stand on."
[and the courtroom let out a groan]
written by JAB, 17 February 2012
Hillary Clinton Finally Surfaces
Sec. of State Clinton prior to the arrival of China's Xi Jinping has not been seen for months. Not to alarm Bill but it's about the same time we haven't seen or heard from Arnold Schwarzenegger
written by JAB, 17 February 2012
CBS Announces End of Reality Show "Survivor"
The 25th and final installment of the successful series will take place in Syria
written by JAB, 17 February 2012
Should Snippet Take on Twitter?
Snippet started in 2001 - limit 200 characters. Twitter started in 2006 - limit 140 characters.Helloooo!! Owners, I smell lawsuit
written by JAB, 17 February 2012
Heather Mills Demands apology from Piers Morgan
Ex-wife of Sir Paul McCartney, Mills, is ready to topple over after Morgan's comment, "the only job she's good for is at IHOP."
written by JAB, 17 February 2012
Greeks are losing belief in their state!
The Greeks are losing belief in their state and have asked their Albanian neighbours to take over. They've got nothing to lose either!
written by unknown
List of stars named for Whitney's funeral!
A list of Whitney's friends has been drawn up for the funeral and Bobby Brown is taking care of the catering, he's promising a super menu of 'white sugar' and the stars can sniff all they want!
written by unknown
Seb Coe caught nicking Greek Olympic artefacts!
Olympics guru, Seb Coe, has been caught light-footed nicking artefacts from the Greek olympic museum. He hoped that by parading the artefacts they would at least make the London Olympics credible??
written by unknown
Blame Monotone Of Senator's Voices
Two former Air Traffic workers, accused of sleeping on the job, fall asleep during Senate Hearing.
written by Bureau, 17 February 2012
Dutch Prince hit by an avalanche!
Dutch Prince Friso has been hit by an avalanche, luckily he was in flat Holland at the time otherwise it could have been nasty!
written by unknown
German President resigns and Hitler has been offered the post!
The German President, Herr Wulff, has resigned because he was corrupt. You can say what you like about Adolf, but he wasn't corrupt, nasty yes. So the Germans are giving him another chance!
written by unknown
The Sun to appear on Sundays!
No more cloudy days on Sunday because Rupert Murdoch, alias God, is allowing The Sun to shine and it won't be tapping anybody's telephones because Sunday is "holey", just like Murdoch's conscience!
written by unknown
Former NOTW journo Neville Thurbeck unvieled as Theatre critic for The Surrey Comet.
Neville's back in the big time!
written by radiogagger, 17 February 2012
Students Told To Hop It !
The Gibson School district in Owensboro, Ky. shuts down due to immense frog. I'm sorry, that should be dense fog.
written by Bureau, 17 February 2012
Chris Huhne and ex-wife in appear in court
"Whose gonna drive you home tonight?" *
* classic 80s song line from band 'The Cars'...
written by radiogagger, 17 February 2012
Toasts President With Beer
US Fighter Jets intercept man in lawn chair with attached helium balloons approaching Air Force One.
written by Bureau, 17 February 2012
Rangers deducted 10 points for going into administration.
Call me shrewd but now could be a good time to bet on Celtic to win the SPL.
written by radiogagger, 17 February 2012
Murdoch tells staff: Sun on Sunday to launch 'very soon'
Not a very catchy name.
They should have gone with an anagram of 'News Of The World' like 'Folders Went How?' or 'Deft Owner Howls'
written by radiogagger, 17 February 2012
Murdoch addresses Sun staff in Wapping
Extra security brought in to search for custard pies...
written by radiogagger, 17 February 2012
The Way Forward
A friendship which began in College last year, ended up in matrimony yesterday.
written by IN SEINE, 17 February 2012
Lin Smashes Stereotypes!
Asian-Americans rejoice as Lin smashes stereotypes..especially after Playgirl Magazine centerfold.
written by Bureau, 17 February 2012
Took Some Guts To Do!
New Jersey Assembly passes gay marriage bill, gas!
written by Bureau, 17 February 2012
Thai cops: Iran suspects cavorted with prostitutes!
Claim they were only practicing up for the 72 virgins.
written by Bureau, 17 February 2012
Was Charlie Chaplin French? ask FBI to MI5
No they reply, it was just the way he combed his moustache.
written by radiogagger, 17 February 2012
Senator McConnell Sporting Two Black Eyes!
Congress moves toward ending payroll tax cut fight! This after over 50% sent to area hospitals over injuries.
written by Bureau, 17 February 2012
Spoof snippet fails to get a single rating.
It must have been really rubbish.
written by radiogagger, 17 February 2012
Bad News For GOP
Obama poised to win 2012 election with 303 electoral votes: The Arkansas Hog Farmer's Journal Monthly! GOP candidates might as well call it quits!
written by Bureau, 17 February 2012
Blow to Merkel as German president resigns
To spend more time with his 'favours'
written by radiogagger, 17 February 2012
At Least Obama Gave 1% To Charity!
Romney adviser swats Santorum over small charitable giving. Santorum answers with "Why should I support the Mormon Church?"
written by Bureau, 17 February 2012
Britain and France speed up plans for joint military operations
Just need to teach the troops 'Franglais'
written by radiogagger, 17 February 2012
Official: Iran Has Capability To Hit US Targets!
But say they will honor separate treaty with US Wal-Marts!
written by Bureau, 17 February 2012
US Debaters, Take Notice
Venezuela's Chavez Calls Presidential Rival a 'Low-Life Pig' that been castrated and smells like hog hockey! Now THERE'S an interesting primary for you.
written by Bureau, 17 February 2012
Syria Severely Warned By UN
The UN today told the Syrian Ambassador that, unless they stop killing their own people, his keys to the executive bathroom will be taken from him.
written by Bureau, 17 February 2012
Watchdog tells energy firms to cut prices or else
Or else... errr.. we'll get very annoyed!
written by radiogagger, 17 February 2012
BBC canteen joins twitter...
Expect even longer queues than normal *
and the usual disclaimer 'not the opinions of my employer'
* don't worry it's a parody account.
written by radiogagger, 17 February 2012
Gloom on the job front!
15 Feb 2012: The Government was braced for more bad news on jobs today with figures expected to show 88,000 more unemployed.
"As if they were bothered!"
written by Inchcock, 17 February 2012
The Man Who Doesn't Feel Cold
Dutchman Wim Hof (48), also known as the Iceman, is the man that swam under ice, and stood in bins filled with ice.
He thrive, in temperatures that could be fatal to the average person.
written by Inchcock, 17 February 2012
Amanda Knox signs book deal
Apparently she's going to use the same ghost writer as OJ Simpson... *
* He penned a book titled "If I Did It" about the murder of his ex-wife and her lover.
written by radiogagger, 17 February 2012
Redknapp says part-time England role possible for Euros
Someone better tell Harry you still have to pay tax on part-time jobs...
written by radiogagger, 17 February 2012
Foreign Workers Scandal
Foreigners are now snatching 590 jobs every day as Britain's unemployment crisis worsens with 2.67 million now out of work.
"Bless them!"
written by Inchcock, 17 February 2012
Failed Asylum seeker set himself on fire - sues for compensation!
Algerian Abdel Zahali, 51, is demanding £50,000 in damages, saying his human rights were breached.
"The worlds gone mad!"
written by Inchcock, 17 February 2012
Pensioner beaten black & blue with her walking stick!
Mrs Mayger, 73, has concussion, severe bruising and 2 black eyes when one of the 2 thugs hit her twice around the head with the stick and punched her as they forced entry into her home.
"Sickening!"
written by Inchcock, 17 February 2012
Artist paints with beer, not paint!
Artist 38-year-old Karen Eland, paints pictures with beer instead of paint, said "I pour out some beer and start dipping my brush and painting."
I wonder if she's done any paintings of the piste?"
written by Inchcock, 17 February 2012
Underwear Bomber Jailed for Life
Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab's cellmate said, "This bitch is gonna wear a banana hammock six days of the week & tighty whities on Sunday, or my name ain't Munchkin Butt."
written by JAB, 17 February 2012
UK signs French nuclear concord
"We had no idea they were building one," says David Cameron, "but we were happy to autograph it just the same."
written by Roy Turse, 17 February 2012
What's With The Clapping?
Apparently a N. Korean plastic surgeon once removed fat from Kim Jong-un buttocks & injected it into his face. However, once he saw the size of his cheeks, he had it reversed, while still clapping.
written by Bureau, 17 February 2012
