Olé accidentally create a new saying
The new Olé advertising slogan "Late to bed, early to rise, makes a woman look old, tired with bags under her eyes" has been accepted by the British Idiom board as a New Old Wives Tale.
written by IainB, 28 September 2011
Sex Object
My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.
written by p.doff, 28 September 2011
Marriage
Ours is a football marriage, we keep waiting for the other one to kick off
written by p.doff, 28 September 2011
Damp.
Honestly, my flat is so damp it's got the guttering on the inside.
written by p.doff, 28 September 2011
Rent
Our landlord has just put our rent up, he found we were eating the mushrooms on the walls.
written by p.doff, 28 September 2011
Giant Ape Escapes From Zoo
A 150ft Ape has escaped from Central Park Zoo and gone a rampage through the streets of New York. The Ape is now fighting off military jets on top of the Empire State Building. Wait...it just fell.
written by Qwerty123, 28 September 2011
Katie Price kidnapped by terrorists
Katie Price has been kidnapped by terrorists whilst on holiday in Skanksville. Her family have pleaded with the Goverment to intervene and save her. But obviously nobody cares.
written by Qwerty123, 28 September 2011
More gold than mobile phones
Due to environmental pollution, there is now more gold in a human brain than can be found in a mobile phone. This has led people to go trepanning for gold.
written by IainB, 28 September 2011
Larry The Lobster Finally Dispatched
At 3am, within the walls of The Gordon Ramsey Prison in Austin Texas, Larry (Red Boy) Lobster, was put to death. His last words, as he was lowered into the pot, were: "I am not a criminal".
written by armfeetandtoe, 28 September 2011
Sir Alex buys Tevez back!
Sir Alex signed Tevez back after he stamped his feet and refused to play for City last night. The price was a box of lollipops and dummies meant for spoilt City players whilst sulking on the bench!
written by unknown
Rihanna, animal protest
Rihanna, coconut pop star has been thrown out of a field in the British Isles for walking her puppies in public. I didn't know someone could be so cruel, she was heard not to say
written by Bert Onassis, 28 September 2011
Take Me Out To The Ball Game
Cameron Diaz says that ever since her baseball boyfriend A-Rod broke up with her she cannot stand to see or even hear the names popcorn and Cracker Jacks.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 September 2011
The GOP Debate Audiences Forget That They're Not At A Soccer Match
Zydeco Dupree said the audiences at GOP political debates have gotten so damn rowdy that the debate security team has decided to start tasering one or two during each debate to keep everyone in line.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 September 2011
The Reason Why Arnold Schwarzenegger Turned Down A TV Series
Arnold Schwarzenegger turned down a role in the TV series remake of the old housekeeper show Hazel. The former governor said that he feels it is too soon and would be too traumatic.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 September 2011
Michele Bachmann Got Confused With The "Net" Part
Michele Bachmann was asked what she thinks about the Netflix situation. She replied that she has all the confidence in the world that the fishing industry will fix the problem as soon as possible.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 28 September 2011
Nancy Grace wrongly assumes showing nipple would help cause
Nancy Grace stooped even lower yesterday when the "Dancing with the Stars" contestant pulled a Janet Jackson and exposed a nipple during her Jive and Quickstep routine. Said Bruno, "You're top heavy."
written by Lyndon, 28 September 2011
