Quentin Tarantino Honoured yet Again
LONDON: For services to Lucifer in trashing the human race and his lifelong efforts to make homicidal psychopaths socially acceptable Quentin Tarantino has been made an honorary Knight of the Garter.
written by Auntie Matter, 08 May 2011
Nicolas Sarkozy at All-Time Low
Nicolas Sarkozy, the French president is alleged to be quite low because he is worried that he may not be the father of one of the twins that his wife is expecting.
written by IN SEINE, 08 May 2011
Chelsea sell Torres to Accrington Stanley and admit; "he's a Spanish Tosser!"
After Man United's thrashing of Chelsea and another miserable performance from 50 million flop Torres, Chelsea have had enough, he's been flogged to Accrington Stanley for a fiver and that's too much!
written by unknown
Work in the Garden
I've got work to do in the garden. Roses to spray, lettuces to water, lawn to mow, wife to get off my back.
written by j.w., 08 May 2011
What Have I Done?
'What have I done? You are always finding fault with me.'
'What have I done? I didn't mean to kill anyone.'
'What? Have I done. Not bloody likely!'
written by j.w., 08 May 2011
Discrimination
My wife is discriminating against me by telling me to 'pull my socks up' in the this hot weather when I 'm not wearing any socks!
written by j.w., 08 May 2011
Desolate figure
A video of an unpleasant desolate old man watching himself on Television has emerged from Michael Winner's collection of his advertising triumphs.
written by j.w., 08 May 2011
Clegg Sick
Nick Clegg said today he was 'sick and tired' of Tories who wanted to destroy the NHS. He felt it was time to make clear his total opposition to everything he had been doing for the past year.
written by j.w., 08 May 2011
No comment
Faced by a grim faced suspected criminal who only said 'no comment' to Police questioning him, the Law asked if he wanted to leave the room as it was on fire.
written by j.w., 08 May 2011
Too Many Cocks
Broth made in the Scottish Highlands contained 'too many cocks' it was alleged in Edinburgh today. 'They spoilt the broth' commented food expert Jamie Liver.
written by j.w., 08 May 2011
Captured Videos Reveal…
Bin Laden Was Developing A BBQ Show For The Food Network:
"Death To The Unclean American Pigs"
written by Michael Balton, 08 May 2011
Warped Logic!
24 hour police protection for minor royals like Prince Andrew and Princess Anne is to be removed following the recent assassination of Al Qaeda chief Osama Bin Laden by elite American forces.
written by Tommy Twinkle, 08 May 2011
LibDems Not Downhearted
You win some, you lose more. That is the brave LibDem reaction to the blast of anger from the electorate. But with Clegg pledging to stand up to the Tories everyone remembers earlier pledges.
written by j.w., 08 May 2011
Isle of Wight unveil own Navy SEALS strike force
'Maroon KIPPERS' are now operational.
written by pinxit, 08 May 2011
Australia Will Not Tolerate Kangaroo Abuse
The Australian Department of Tourism would like to remind visitors to Australia that putting trash in the pockets of Kangaroos is illegal and violators can be fined up to $7,000.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 08 May 2011
The Most Popular USA Sports Chant
The chant of USA! USA! USA! is still the #1 sports chant at American sporting events except for the NBA where the #1 sports chant is still, "Hey, bro put the effen ball in the effen basket!"
written by Abel Rodriguez, 08 May 2011
Now That Is Really Really Stealth
Russia has developed the world's first stealth aircraft carrier. When asked by the news media for a demonstration they said they'd like to but they don't know where it is.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 08 May 2011
There Are No Woodpeckers In Arizona
The Arizona state legislature has banned the use of the phrase shiver me timbers for the obvious reason.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 08 May 2011
Burger King By What Other Name?
The big burger franchise Burger King is considering on downsizing its operations. They will even change their name from Burger King to Burger Prince.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 08 May 2011
Poland Has Changed It's Mind - And The Reason Why
Reports out of Warsaw state that Poland has decided to drop its planned invasion of the South Pole saying that there really isn't anything down there that they need.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 08 May 2011
The Eskimos Are Getting Concerned About Their Igloos
Eskimos in Alaska are really concerned about Global Warming and say that they are seeing their igloos starting to drip.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 08 May 2011
Wisconsin Wants Some Ca$h Bad!
The financially strapped state of Wisconsin has asked President Obama for a Federal Loan. The president replies, "Are you anti-union chumps kiddin' me? Get the effen money from Arizona or Alaska"
written by Abel Rodriguez, 08 May 2011
Dubai Keeps On Building Them Higher and Higher and Higher
Dubai who prides itself in having the world's tallest buildings will soon begin construction on the new 409-Story Jack-In-The-Box Building.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 08 May 2011
Oprah Winfrey's Second Cousin Twice Removed Once Forcibly
Oprah Winfrey has stated that she has reached her quota. She does not need to find anymore long, lost relatives.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 08 May 2011
A.A. Milne and Ang Lee Collaborate on Martial Arts Film
Crouching Tigger, Hidden Pooh will be released this summer in movie theaters worldwide. Yun-Fat Chow plays Pooh, Jackie Chan is Tigger and Jet Li plays Rabbit in this classic martial arts adventure.
written by Pariah, 08 May 2011
Al-Quida Takes Over FOX Television Network
In a very hostile takeover, Al-Quida has taken over the major network. Some classic programs to show will be "My Three Guns", "I Dream of Jihad" and the popular soap "Allah My Children"
written by Pariah, 08 May 2011
It's the Political Silly Season Again
Democratic liberal Congressman Pinocchio said Republicans created most of our debt. He was quickly rushed to George Washington University Hospital to have his nose shortened!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 08 May 2011
Texas Lizard Farms
A lizard, whose habitat is east Texas, contains the equivalent energy of 1 million barrels of oil. Lizard farms have sprung up all over the area, causing an economic boom not seen in many years.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 08 May 2011
EPA to Regulate Tree Pollen
The EPA Secretary has decided to regulate tree pollen levels, starting in 2012. Violating trees will be subject to being cut down. Tree huggers have filed an injunction in federal court!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 08 May 2011
A Shaggy Dog Story
Dog owners are very upset with the Montgomery County Council of Maryland for taxing plastic supermarket bags. Frugal dog owners must now use wax paper, tissues or paper bags to pick-up after Fido!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 08 May 2011
Horse Laugh
Animal rights group stages protest at the Kentucky Derby. This is a case of a group of horse's asses watching another group of horse's asses!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 08 May 2011
Not Enough Lawbreakers Available
US DOJ wants to know why the NCAA doesn't have a college football playoff system to determine a national champion. Never mind illegal immigration, voter intimidation and oil speculation!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 08 May 2011
Coffee, a Mixed Bag
This week coffee was found to cause strokes in humans, but it has also been found to increase female breast size and male penis size.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 08 May 2011
