Wet Spam desperate to recruit new manager
An old lady carrying shopping bags in Barking High St was asked by passing Wet Spam owner David Sullivan "can you manage love"?
She replied "do one you Toby, I don't want the job"
written by Rebel Not Taken, 18 May 2011
Head way in IMF chief's sexual assault case
"Exploding watermelons in China and women's melons in Southern Ontario, very possible a widowed chambermaid from Guinea could have sprayed IMF chief DSK's oui oui," said Chief Inspector Lady Godiva.
written by JAB, 18 May 2011
Denmark Wants to Purchase the North Pole
In an apparent buy out plan, Denmark prepares to purchase The North Pole. When interviewed, Santa Claus states, "I'm pissed. Fucking Denmark!"
written by Ellie James, 18 May 2011
Latests rape defense from top flight lawyers
I have an alibi; and anyway, she asked for it. She forced me to do it, but I was having lunch with my sister at the time and wasn't even there. Plus I have immunity. Also I thought she was included.
written by Aspartame Boy, 18 May 2011
Chineese baby born with two heads
being recruited by the French faction of the I.M.F.
written by Aspartame Boy, 18 May 2011
Attention all twits
#ifyoubelieveeverythingyoureadontwitteryouareafuckingtwat
written by Rebel Not Taken, 18 May 2011
Pony Tale!
The reason for why a man could not buy a train ticket for his pony at Wrexham Station - The Pony Express does not stop at Wrexham Station!
written by Tommy Twinkle, 18 May 2011
Steven Gerrard is not gay, but he does use make-up!
A make-up artist who puts slap on show-biz stars has revealed that not only poofy actors need slap, soccer, rugby and F1 cracks also do it and Steven Gerrard has "come out" at last, Scouse Bitch!
written by unknown
A hard act to follow!
Britain's Got Talent TV show on Saturday includes 'man of rubber' act who turns himself completely inside out while playing a harmonica!
written by Tommy Twinkle, 18 May 2011
Police Silent
Theresa May's appearance at a Police Federation Quaker meeting led to a moving silent prayer which was louder than any Police whistle.
written by j.w., 18 May 2011
Irish Dyslexic Society Turn Out In Force
To welcome the Quoun on ryoal tivis.
written by Skoob1999, 18 May 2011
Well You Can Certainly Save On Hay and Horseshoes
An Amish woman living in Pennsylvania has been ostracized from her village for saying that she wished that they had a Kia Spectra instead of the silly old horse and buggy.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 May 2011
The United States Mint Is Downsizing
With the economy still looking bad, the U.S. Mint has announced it is laying off the workers who make $100 bills and $50 bills and keeping only those workers who make 20's, 10's, 5's, and 1's.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 May 2011
The Woman Had No Idea That France Was A Country (Really)
Police in Nashville have confiscated country singer Kellie Pickler's Smartphone for the obvious reason.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 May 2011
Gilbert Gottfried Lost His Duck and Now Gets His Goose Cooked
It looks like Gilbert Gottfried is at it again. Reports are that the Jewish community in Miami is upset because he said that in Miami YouTube is known as JewTube.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 May 2011
Today's Sun headline 'FREE LEGO TOY'. Today's Times headline 'FREE AI WEI WEI'
Hmmmm. Decisions decisions...
written by pinxit, 18 May 2011
Exploding Melons
China is experiencing terrorism with exploding melons. The Chinese Government thinks more explosions are coming. It has warned farmers to avoid potatoes, thought to be next in the firing line.
written by j.w., 18 May 2011
Strauss -Kahn under 24 watch at Rikers Island
Prison officials report of several incidents where prisoners have wanted to play leap frog with the IMF chief
written by JAB, 18 May 2011
Schwarzenegger to Continue Movie Career
Arnold Schwarzenegger trying to move on after his affair has confirmed he will star in the movie, "Condom the Barbarian"
written by JAB, 18 May 2011
Alan Shearer waxwork dummy.
Madame Tussaud's waxwork dummy Alan Shearer came face to face with Match of the Day pundit and ex England footballer Alan Shearer today: "The likeness is incredible" claimed the waxwork dummy.
written by Rebel Not Taken, 18 May 2011
Kimberly Jong Illness declares the 2 Koreas united
Kimberly Jong Illness, the highly feared unquestioned dictator of North Korea proclaims he does not recognize South Korean independence and declares all of Korea is his, all objectors will be shot.
written by rpm1978, 18 May 2011
The Game of Monopoly Is Even Changing
The dollar continues to shrink. Things are getting so bad that even Monopoly money is not worth what it used to be. A $100 Monopoly bill will now only buy $85 worth of houses and hotels.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 May 2011
Another Example of What Falling From Grace Will Get You
Walmart has just announced that the sale of its Arnold Schwarzenegger Bobblehead Dolls has dropped by 99 percent.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 May 2011
Italy Just Says "No"
The president of Italy expresses to the producers of The Jersey Shore that he wants them to stop filming in Italy. He suggests that they look into the possibility of filming in Libya.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 May 2011
The Pot Calling The Kettle Black?
Dick Cheney invites Sarah Palin to go bird hunting down in Texas. She tells him, "Ya know, you're one effen son-of-a-bitch if you think I'd trust you with a friggin rifle."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 18 May 2011
New Hat in the Ring
The organization "Obama for America" is to change its name, after Republican Tea Party activist Josephine America indicated she was running for president in 2012!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 18 May 2011
Updated Warning Label
"DO NOT USE HAIRDRYER IN SHOWER" has been updated by OSHA to "USING A HAIRDRYER IN SHOWER, SUBJECT TO A $1,000 FINE!"
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 18 May 2011
Vegan Weapons Treaty Needed?
Watermelons grown in eastern China have been bursting after farmers gave them overdoses of growth chemicals during wet weather, creating what state media call fields of "land mines."
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 18 May 2011
GOP Presidential Bridge, No Trump
HS Gingrich, TX Rep Paul, AK Gov Palin, CEO Cain, MA Gov Romney, MN Rep Bachmann, PA Sen Santorum, MN Gov Pawlenty, IN Gov Daniels, UT Gov Huntsman, LA Gov Roemer, FL Gov Bush, NJ Gov Christie.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 18 May 2011
Isn't it time you Invested in Gold?
President Obama announced today the relocation of all the gold stored in Fort Knox KY to the White House basement. There is a pesky Washington DC rumor about returning the USA to the gold standard!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 18 May 2011
The Odd Couple
Las Vegas NV odds makers are giving 10 to one odds that Hamas and Fatah will still be liking each other before the September 2011 UN General Assembly meeting convenes!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 18 May 2011
Bad Management 101
The bad manager is a cheerleader who waves arms, utters platitudes, avoids decisions, blames or criticizes others for mistakes and then takes credit for all the successes. President Obama got an A!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 18 May 2011
